Trying to Come Back From Hell
by hushhush182
Summary: After the War I wanted to forget. I didn't want to bare witness to what had happened, I just wanted to try and strive for a normal life. Yet normality did not seem to find me because the place that found me was a Freak Show in Jupiter, Florida. I didn't think it was possible to find someone, to find him someone who I could share my secrets with, or a new family to belong too.
1. Out of Place

**Hey everyone, I know that this is my fourth story and it might seem like a lot but I really wanted to give this a shot because the idea came to me and I am trying my best to write it out. Anyway I hope you like it. It will not always follow the AHS plot lines but it will be close enough. Let me know what you think! **

* * *

Jupiter, Florida has to be one of the most humid places I have ever been too, nothing like the weather back in Eastern Europe. My ¾ long sleeved dress was not helping with the heat either. Stepping off the bus and surveying the quaint, wholesome town it seemed completely normal to the human eye but after everything I had been through nothing was as normal as it seemed.

Now that I was in America, in Florida to be precise I had to find employment. I had a little over one hundred and ninety dollars left after the various travels to get here. I'm not entirely sure why Florida picked me, for all I did was look at a map of America close my eyes and point to a state. When I landed on Florida I didn't think twice before I made my arrangements. All I knew was I needed to try and start fresh in somewhere new, in America. I had to get away from bouncing around Europe for a time.

Ever since the War ended I was desperately trying to figure out who I was while picking up the pieces of my life left in shatters thanks to the Nazi's.

Shaking my head I tried clearing my thoughts, I had been doing that too much. Remembering the War, what it brought and what it left behind. Out of habit I tugged my left sleeve down further even though I knew no one could see what I was trying to hide. The War ended seven years ago, it was time to start living in the present.

Turning my attention back on the town of Jupiter I focused my mind back on the current task-Finding employment. Picking up my suitcase and clutching my shoulder bag closer to me I made my way over to what looked like a community board. Scanning the board for signs of employment one poster caught my eye.

_Fräulein Elsa's Cabinet of Curiosities. Upon entering you will learn its secrets. Two miles east of town ending on Highway 33._

A German run attraction show? In a town like Jupiter, Florida. The concept seemed odd and out of place, but maybe that's why I couldn't tear my eyes off the poster. It was like I was drawn to this "Cabinet of Curiosities" because growing up a Jew in a tumultuous time in Europe my people were always out of place. Even now at this very moment in America I was different to those around me, a Lithuanian born Jewish woman traveling with just her suitcase.

Maybe the odd and different and I were meant to be together. I was the moth and my flame was two miles east of Jupiter.

Picking up my suitcase my fate was decided and to the "Cabinet of Curiosities" I went humming Glenn Miller to myself.

* * *

The further I walked down Highway 33 the closer I felt I was getting to the campgrounds. Upon walking for what I assumed was close to two miles I came upon three individuals, two men one women. They did not notice me because they were further down the road than I was, the men's attention turned to the woman hanging a banner for what I assumed was the show.

Before I could muster the courage to shout a hello a car came out of nowhere zooming by me taking me by such surprise that I tripped backward and fell on my behind landing on the grass.

I saw the car speed by the trio of people as the men in car flung glass bottles at the two men shouting, "Freaks!" sending one of the men into an enraged frenzy the other man and the woman having to hold him back while he shouted obscenities at the car racing off down the highway.

Picking myself off the ground I ran towards them, "Are all of you okay? Did any of those kiaulių hurt you?" Asking them but immediately patronizing myself for speaking in Lithuanian.

They all turned to stare at me making me feel very self conscious. One of the men, the youngest of the two, glared at me, "What?" He questioned.

"Oh I'm sorry." Apologizing, "I didn't think my accent was that thick, I mean I've known English for two years now but I guess the accent never fades away." Explaining in embarrassment but the youngest one just kept staring at me.

"Seriously?" Hastily stressing at me.

"Oh...that isn't what you meant was it?" Knowing the answer already as a mortifying blush crept onto my cheeks.

"No it wasn't." He sarcastically answered me, "I meant why are you asking about the well-being of supposed 'freaks' like us." I could feel his hostility towards me like concentrated thunder. He was daring me to tread carefully.

"Yes because it the civil, respectful thing to do. Those men-boys are just self-righteous pigs for call you people 'freaks' when really it is them who are twisted and horribly disformed inside for they do not know how to treat people with common courtesy." Speaking truthfully while they digested my words,

"I know it may not seem like it but I know what it feels like to be on the wrath and hatred of other people's opinions and actions." Images of torment and pain flooded into my head as I struggled to push them back where they belonged.

All three of them eyed me making me tug at my dress out of nerves before the youngest spoke up again, "You look perfectly normal so what makes you a freak to other people."

"I'm a Jew." Blurting out before I could even think of a better way of phrasing that answer, but nevertheless it was out in the open.

He scoffed, "If that's it then you don't know anything girly." Patronizing me like a child.

My blood boiled at his arrogance, "How dare you. You try being a Jew in Eastern Europe when the Nazi's want you and the entirety of your people exterminated from this world. I witnessed good people pushed from their jobs just because they were Jewish. Or having a curfew just because you are Jew, or having all these ridiculous, demeaning rules forced on you making you feel like a prisoner even before they place you into the Ghettos." Yelling at him and his blind ignorance.

"Don't scoff at me like a child sir because I have witnessed and been through persecution and torture you can't even fathom." Seething at this mere child I realized, innocent to what was really going on in this world. Yet I still felt like slapping him across the face. Instead I turned around and made my way back to my suitcase. Maybe my gut was wrong and I didn't belong with these people, maybe my place was somewhere else.

Picking up my suitcase I was set to walk back in the direction of town to figure something out for the night. Hopefully the long walk would give me a chance to cool down.

"Please wait, Eve and I are sorry for Jimmy's rudeness." The other man spoke for the first time. My heart and mind wrested on what to do. Turn around and speak to this man or just start walking.

Head or heart?

Slowly I turned around, picked up my suitcase and made my way back over to the trio.

"What is your name?" I asked the man.

"Paul, or known by my stage name, Paul the Illustrated Seal." He tipped his hat to me, eliciting a small smile from me. Studying him I could understand the stage name. Paul looked like an average man until you got to his arms. The limbs seemed to at one point stopped growing producing a seal like appearance with his arms and hands. His hands puzzled me a little. They didn't really seem to be fingers, just long appendages flowing from his arms.

The tattoos covering his body added to the 'seal' affect. Long strokes of gray ink mimicking fur. It was peculiar. It was wonderfully stunning, unlike the other tattoos I've known all too well.

But his face...oh he was handsome. A beaming smile showing off his perfect teeth. His pale green striking eyes that could pull anyone in. His slicked to the side graying hair.

Paul smiled at me and I mentally chastised myself for getting caught up in ogling him, but I couldn't help but smile back.

"Hey honey, I'm known as Amazon Eve but you can call me Eve." The woman spoke but I had to slightly tilt my head to look at all of her. She was so tall giving way to her obvious stage name! This woman was taller than any man I had ever seen.

I smiled at her, "Thank you Eve, it is a pleasure to meet you." She smiled back. She was gorgeous with her pinned up curls wrapped in a bandanna and her red lipstick. I had an instant draw to her because she radiated kindness and love for everyone, a gentle soul that takes care of her own.

The younger man, Jimmy spoke, "They call me Lobster Boy but I'm known as Jimmy Darling." Jimmy spoke as he held up his hands. They were fused together mimicking claws, hence lobster boy. I could tell he was daring me to gasp or possibly faint at the sight of his hands. But all I did was gentle nod and give him a small smile in return. I could see though why his last name was Darling because he certainty looked it, he was good-looking in an obvious way, but in my opinion not as handsome as Paul.

"Sorry darling but what's your name?" Paul inquired and I had realized the whole time I had been talking to them I had not given my name.

"My apologizes my name is Madalina Lekeman, but most people call me Lina since it is easier to pronounce." Telling them.

"Judging by the suitcase you're new in Jupiter." Jimmy spoke, "And looking for somewhere to go. What brings you down this way?" He questioned.

"Employment, I was hoping to speak to the proprietor of the Cabinet of Curiosities for a job." Straightening myself trying to look like a serious, respectable adult and not some out of place twenty year old.

A silent conversation emanated between the three of them deciding on what to do with me. After a minute Jimmy spoke, "Come back with us and we'll take you to Elsa and see what she wants to do with you."

Nodding I was trying and failing not to let my beaming smile make me look like a fool. Clutching my suitcase to myself I followed them down the rest of the Highway waiting to see where the end would take me.


	2. Working For a German

It didn't take long to reach the campgrounds. From outside the gate the grounds were rather large with various tents and trailers littering the grass. The massive red and white stripped tent at the center of the grounds was a fixture I was compelled to stop and stare at.

"Never seen one before?" Jimmy joked.

Shaking my head, "No I had never been to any kind of circus or attraction show as a child. This is my first time." I told them, "There just wasn't time." Lamenting wishing I had more time to be an innocent child with no worries.

"Come on honey, let's take you to Elsa." Eva said in a sympathetic voice. We moved forward and against my reason the tremendous over-hanging iron gate made my heart speed up. I moved slowly behind the others hoping they would think I was just taking in the camp, when in reality I was just trying to keep my breathing even. Gathering up all the courage I could I clutched my belongings to me and willed myself to pass over the threshold as calmly as I could.

Except when I painstakingly made my way through the gate my breathing hitched and I let go of my suitcase dropping it to the ground as a memory overtook me.

_Papa was holding me up to the window so that I would not be suffocated in the car. How could anybody pack this many people into one train car? It was reckless and thoughtless as some of the travelers had already died. _

_As I eagerly took in as much air as possible I gasped, "Papa, papa I see something!" I cried._

_"What is it Madalina? What do you see?" He asked gripping me tighter. "Buildings, lots of buildings it looks like a sort of mini town." I told him, "I think this is the end of the tracks, and there's a gate, a big gate with writing on it." Turning back to look at him noticing I had the whole cars attention. _

_"I think this is the end of the line." Telling them as the car neared closer to the mini town. Papa let me down and I clung to him and Mama, the whole car was anxious now to see what waited us._

_The the train car slowly stopped. The car and its passenger's silent for the few brief moments we had before the doors slid open._

I gripped one of the iron bars to steady myself while I blinked my way back to reality.

'It's gone you're here not there.' I told myself.

"Madalina are you alright?" Paul questioned, his voice thick with worry as Eve bent down to expect me.

"I'm fine, no need to fuss." Putting a lying smile on my face to convince them, "Just all the traveling seems to be catching up with me, I will be fine really I just need to rest." The smile still plastered on my face as all three of them continued to look me over.

Letting go of the bar my hand tremored slightly and I prayed none of them would notice as I bent down to pick up my suitcase.

"Let's go see Fräulein Elsa and see if I have a job." Fixing my dress and hair hoping to look presentable. They all hesitated for a moment but continued on to show me the way. As we walked I barely caught glimpses of the other performers before being ushered into a large tent.

The tent was opulent and not what I expected. It was covered in light-colored drapes and filled with elegant antiques.

Jimmy stopped us, "Wait here while I fill in Elsa." And he disappeared behind a curtain.

I bit my lip and straightened my dress again.

"Don't be nervous love." Paul whispered, "Elsa's not as bad as she seems."

Before I could even shoot him a nervous smile Jimmy was beckoning for me to come through the curtain. Taking a deep breath I straightened myself and stepped through for what would await me.

* * *

The curtain floated back behind me when I stepped into what was a dressing room/ lounge room. Jimmy was standing next to a woman who was sitting on a large velvet couch, she looking very intimidating.

Walking forward to her I extended my hand, "Hello I am Madalina Lekeman." The woman paused for a moment as I swallowed a lump forming in my throat before she returned my handshake.

"Hello my dear, it's a pleasure to meet you. I am Elsa Mars, the owner and proprietor of this show. Please have a seat." Ms. Elsa motioned for me to sit on the opposing velvet couch.

Her accent was still heavy. She was defiantly German alright.

"Your accent dear, where do you come from?" She inquired.

"Lithuanian Miss Elsa, I was born in the southern town of Alytus and lived there with my family. I learned English two years ago but my accent makes it difficult for people to understand me."

Miss Elsa grinned at me, "I know what you mean my dear." Causing me to smile, "Jimmy tells me you are looking for a job."

"Yes I am but I regret there is nothing extraordinary about me. I am not anything wonderful like Eve, Paul or Jimmy." Truthfully telling her, "But I am a hard worker. I can cook almost anything and I clean well. I sew most of my own clothes and I don't even need patterns so I could fix, hem and make clothes and costumes for the performers."

Desperately I rambled knowing I looked pathetic but I didn't have anywhere else to go, "I could also help create business by going into town and creating interest in the show and help run errands for you or the performers. All I ask for is a monthly pay of thirteen dollars a month." Closing my mouth shut and gulping down another lump in my throat.

Miss Elsa didn't say anything for a few seconds but it felt like minutes.

"Jimmy could you wait outside for a minute." She told him but kept her stare on me. I watched him nod to her, glance at me then disappear behind the curtain. I could feel myself break out into a sweat and I had to fight the urge to tug down at my dress sleeves.

"Where is your family?" She inquired of me and the question took me a bit by surprise.

"The War took them." Softly replying to her as I stared at the floor.

"So you were there, right in the middle of the worst I am gathering." She told rather than asked me.

Nodding I bit the inside of my cheek to keep my emotions in check, "Were you?" Quietly asking her.

"No, no I was able to get out before it got bad...but not without repercussions." Miss Elsa sadly sighed as she let her own memories pass before her eyes, "And you have no feelings of hatred or resentment, a Jew working for a German?" She asked.

My open gaped open slightly, "How did-?" I started but she cut me off.

"It wasn't hard to figure it out...also Jimmy mentioned it."

Patiently she waited for my answer, "Every Nazi was part of the German party but not all German's are Nazi's." I told her.

A small smile crept onto her lips.

"Jimmy." Miss Elsa called out and a moment later he appeared, "Please show Ms. Lekeman to the spare trailer and help her get settled. She will need her strength for work tomorrow." Coyly smiling at me.

I beamed, "Oh thank you Miss Elsa! I will not let you or any of the performers down I promise!" Jumping up I was about to give her a hug but stopped myself and settled on another handshake.

Jimmy led me out of her tent and I did a little happy dance while he laughed at me, "Come on kid I'll show you to your new home." He grinned.

* * *

Jimmy led me to a small trailer nearing the outskirts of the camp. I wasn't completely away from everyone but the distant was there. Opening the door and climbing the steps inside I crossed over into my new home.

It was small and quaint. I didn't need or want for much. Just a good bed to sleep on at night. The trailer contained one twin bed, a night stand with a matching wardrobe, a small vanity table with a mirror and washing basin. A small table surrounded by mismatched chairs was set by one of the windows.

A tiny bathroom containing a shower I would have to clean, and toilet and a sink with a mirror was also in the trailer much to my surprise but it added to my happiness.

It would need some cleaning and personal touches but it was perfect for me.

"Glamorous isn't it." Jimmy joked. Sending him a small smile I walked over to the bed and set my suitcase upon it. Opening the clasps and lifting the lid what I was looking for was directly on top of my other possessions as I knew it would be.

Picking up the picture frame I smoothed my fingers over my parents smiling faces before setting it on the nightstand next to my bed.

"Now it is." Grinning at him.

He walked over, curious no doubt to see the prized picture I had just set down, "You can pick it up I don't mind. Just please be careful with it." Gently stressing as I watched him pick up the frame and study its contents.

"Your parents?" He asked but he must have known the answer.

"Yes, that was on their wedding day." Giving a happy sigh as I stared at the picture. Better times before the worst.

"If you don't mind me asking, you came to Jupiter alone so..." Jimmy trailed off unsure how to finish but knowing I would understand his point.

"They both died during the War, I am an only child and the rest of my family died in the War as well." Telling him quietly.

He gently set the picture back down on the nightstand, "I'm sorry."

The air hung heavy in silence. I didn't know what to say or how to continue.

"I'll leave you to rest and get settled." He told me before walking to the door and shutting it behind him.

Not wanting to let my mind dwell on the past I went to work on unpacking the rest of my things.

* * *

A short while later there was a knock at my door.

"Come in." I said as I hung the last of my clothes in the wardrobe. The door opened and Paul appeared.

"Hey just wanted to see how you were getting along?" He politely asked me.

"I'm doing well thank you Paul." Thanking him for his hospitality. I watched him as he moved around the trailer, inspecting what I had made my own, stopping when he came upon the three pictures on my vanity table.

"Whose this chap?" He questioned looking at one of the frames, walking over I picked up the one he was talking about.

"This is my friend Eliezer and myself when I stayed with him in France. After the war ended I moved around a lot not sure where to go or settle down, and he is a dear friend who gave me a place to go." Explaining to him, "I miss him so much but we write to each other often, he is talking about maybe moving to America himself in a few years. Right now work keeps him busy." Setting down the frame in its spot.

Paul inspected the other two photos. One of my parents and myself when I was seven. The other a picture of my whole extended family.

"That's your whole family?" Inquiring to me.

"Yes, that was taken right before the invasion of Poland in 1939. There is me, my parents, my mothers parents, my fathers parents." Pointing out each person to him, "My mother's two sisters and their children, and finally my father's brother and his son." Murmuring remembering the lost lives.

"Did they...I mean did the.." Paul stumbled with his words trying to phrase a difficult question.

"They all died in the War except for my uncles son, Petras. He made it out, now he is married with a beautiful baby girl." I paused and swallowed the tears threatening to form in my throat, "They are the only family I have left." I turned away from Paul and pretended to busy myself with something in my wardrobe but really I didn't want him to see the few stray tears escape from my eyes as I quickly wiped them away.

"If you give us a chance we could be a family to you Madalina." Paul softly said to me and my heart ached at his sweetness.

"Thank you Paul." Replying with a timid smile.

"Speaking of which, that is why I've come here. Would you care to take a tour and meet the other members of the troupe?" He asked me in smile trying to lighten my mood.

"I would be delighted to go on a tour." I beamed at Paul and his smile became brighter, and for a moment my heart felt funny but I didn't know why?


	3. A Tour and A Show

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* * *

Paul showed me eating/cooking area and it was there I met another performer.

"This is Meep." Paul said to the man who looked more like a child in his…unique bird? I guess you could call it that, costume.

The man-bird child called Meep grinned widely, "Meep."

"Nice to meet you Meep." Extending my hand but he didn't shake it. Instead he jumped up and down calling out "Meep!"

Turning to Paul I asked, "Is that all he knows how to say?"

"That's all he ever says." He shook his head as he led me away while I waved a friendly goodbye to Meep.

"What is his talent?" Inquiring curious as to what Meep could do.

"Meep, uh well he is a simple lad as you can tell." Paul paused, "His act is um biting the heads off small animals."

My eyes widened as a gasp escaped my lips, "That's barbaric!" Exclaiming at the horrific nature of the act.

Paul rubbed his hands on his stomach, "Well he doesn't know it's barbaric but it's what makes him a freak. He doesn't know anything else." Telling me as we walked on.

"Do you call each other freaks?" Asking him.

He nodded, "It's alright if we call each other that, but when other people do it…we aren't too happy. Places like this are the only way we've ever known."

I nodded trying to understand their way of life, "It is such a negative word." Contemplating the word and it's different meanings to the user.

Paul gave me a small smile, "Other people don't seem to realize that like you do."

Giving him a timid smile I walked with him across the camp.

"Ah here is the wonderful Ethel, Ethel this is Madalina she's just been hired to help out around here." As he spoke I came face to face with a woman who had a beard.

Well it was not the strangest thing I had ever seen.

"I know Paul, Elsa quickly filled me in. Hello dear my name is Ethel Darling, I'm Jimmy's momma." She smiled at me. She had a thick accent also but it wasn't anything I had ever heard of, "Oh wait right here." Quickly she disappeared inside her trailer. I glanced to Paul who just shrugged his shoulders.

Ethel quickly reappeared with something in her hands, "It's one of my old aprons. You can keep it that way it won't dirty up your clothes when you're cleaning." She pressed the folded garment into my hands.

"Thank you Miss Ethel for this kindness." Gently smiling at the woman who obviously had a loving heart for her own.

"Think nothing of it honey and if you ever need anything you just come to me." Miss Ethel beamed at me.

"Who's this?" A voice from behind us sounded.

Turning around my jaw almost dropped.

"Bette, Dot this is Madalina she'll be helping out around here." Paul introduced me but he sounded a thousand miles away.

Both identical to each other. Two heads on one body!

"It's not polite to stare." One of them shrewdly said to me.

"Dot be nice now." Paul warned.

"No, no it is alright. Ladies I am sorry for my rudeness I did not mean to make you feel uncomfortable." Apologizing for my awful manners.

"Oh that's alright it is a shock to most people. Hi I am Bette and this is my sister Dot." Bette spoke and I could tell she was the gentler of the two.

"Nice to meet you both, I'm Madalina but you can both call me Lina." Telling them.

"I should show Madalina the rest of camp, we'll see you both at dinner." Paul said in an attempt to scurry me off.

Paul showed me where we took dinner, the performing tent, introduced me to the rest of the troupe and led me to his favorite spot.

It was a clearing of grass not far from camp leading into an enormous field. Paul told me he liked to come out here at night and watch the stars in the sky.

"That must look beautiful." Letting out in a romantic sigh.

Taking a seat on a large log he pulled out a flask which he extended to me but I declined with a shake of my head.

"Thank you but I do not drink."

"Suit yourself." He said before taking a swig.

"Do...do most of the others drink as well?" I inquired interested as to the way the troupe lived day to day.

"Let me put it to you this way, if you were to cut all of us open we'd bleed enough alcohol to make us a few stills." He gave out a hearty laugh that I tried to join in on, but I didn't find it too funny.

"But why?" Questioning as I sat down beside him.

"To escape from the miserable lives we lead. To be able to forget that every day we parade ourselves for other peoples amusement. One half of the world is amazed by us, the other half is horrified by us. The booze dulls the pain dear. It's just what the ostracized do love."

"But that doesn't make any sense. I mean yes it makes sense but…" I paused rising from my place trying to phrase my words, "If that was the case for all the ostracized and hated all of the camp survivors I know would have drunken themselves into a stupor by now to forget." Exclaiming because all of the survivors I knew didn't drink to forget. They just lived their lives because if you made it out you wouldn't waste your life on alcohol.

That would have been the _real_ waste to survive through hell only to throw it away like that.

"Camp survivors?" Paul questioned at me quizzically.

My hands broke out to sweat. Šūdas! I can't believe I let that slip. Prakeiktas Mada!

"I am going to go rest up before dinner. Thank you very much for the tour Paul." Flustering before fleeing the clearing and as calmly as I could I walked back to my trailer.

When I shut the door I let out all of the breath that had built up inside my chest.

Sitting at my vanity I yanked my sleeve up and stared at the six digit number on the inside of my left forearm. A swell of hatred claimed me as I glared at it. Then it passed and was replaced by a settling exhaustion.

Staring at myself in the mirror I exhaled thinking I was going to have to do a better job at hiding my secrets before I let something else slip and someone found out about my past.

Murmuring words of disdain I pulled my sleeve back down making sure it covered all of the tattoo. Making sure nothing could be seen.

* * *

That evening after dinner Miss Elsa informed me I could take the time to familiarize myself with the show and how it worked, helping any of the performers if they needed it. Miss Elsa told me someone had bought out the whole show tonight, but when Miss Ethel came out to introduce the beginning acts there were only two people in the audience.

A man and an older woman, maybe his mother? Pondering to myself as I quietly observed them from backstage.

After listening to Miss Ethel's speech about the show I watched her introduce all of the performers and their talent/talents. Jimmy, the Lobster Boy who could make amusing shadow puppets with his hands and could juggle pins. Eve, Amazon Eve the Worlds Tallest Woman who played the piano very well. Little Ma Petite the Worlds Smallest Woman who was put next to Eve to show the dramatic difference. Ma Petite also played, what I assumed was the worlds smallest violin!

Peaking from behind the curtain I watched the reactions of the two people in the crowd. The man who looked so sullen and sulky before was completely different. His face was now all aglow at the marvels in front of him.

Miss Ethel went onto revealing Meep, the simple minded geek who could bite the heads off small animals, that particular talent I turned my eyes away from not wanting to see the gruesomeness of it. Legless Suzi whose talent was being able to move around just on her hands because her body stopped at her waist. Paul the Illustrated Seal who could bend his hands in odd ways and play the drums!

I gave a elated laugh at his talent for it was so unexpected but it was a breath of fresh air to me as I watched from my place backstage. For a brief second he glanced up and our eyes met. His eyes matching his sparkling smile. I hoped I was far enough away, hidden backstage that he couldn't see the huey blush creeping onto my cheeks.

Refocusing my attention on the stage I watched the husband and wife pair, Salty and Pepper amble out in fits of laughter and precede to do a simple dance, Paul referred to their condition as "Pinheads." Lastly to step out onstage were the twins Bette and Dot, who I was told had not found their talent yet so the two women with one body just stood up on stage letting the spotlight blind them.

The man out in the audience seemed to take new life when he laid his eyes upon Dot and Bette. The glimmer in his eyes made me so uneasy that I wanted to look away but I couldn't keep from glancing back from him to the twins who appeared oblivious to their new admirer.

Something in my heart told me that he would become a problem for Dot and Bette, and for the others of the show.


	4. An Unexpected Visit

After the show I was helping Eve put away chairs when the man and the older woman from the audience came up to Miss Elsa.

"Hello I am Gloria Mott and this is my son Dandy. We want to know how much the Siamese twins are for, we want to buy them." Speaking in causal tone.

Eve and I stopped our worked to watch this bizarre scene unfold.

"Is she serious?" Whispering dumbfounded.

"If she is then she's crazy honey." Eve glared at the women and her son.

"My monsters aren't prostitutes." Miss Elsa sternly told Mrs. Mott's.

"You misunderstand we don't want to buy anyone for the night. We want to buy them, period. Five thousand." Casually explaining, as if there was nothing wrong in buying another human being!

"For one maybe, but there are two beauties here." Miss Elsa toyed with her.

"Okay ten thousand." Dandy replied.

Glancing at Jimmy our eyes met and he shook his head. In response I rolled my eyes. We silently agreed that this woman and her son standing in our presence must must have something wrong with them if they couldn't take a hint that they weren't going to get Dot and Bette.

"Have you any idea what kind of box office they'll bring in over the next year? They're my headliners, let's ask them. Do you think ten thousand is a fair price for you?" Elsa turned around asking Bette and Dot.

"Fifteen thousand and not one penny more. Unless she grows another head." Mrs. Mott's laughed with her son at the apparently hilarious joke.

Finally Dot spoke up, "We're staying right here."

"This is our home." Bette smiled at everyone.

Elsa's mouth spread into a grin, "Darlings that's just what I wanted to hear. I knew it, one night in the spotlight and you've got the bug You're one of us. You see, we are a troupe of entertainers. A family, and you will not split up our family." Firmly giving Mrs. Mott's the final answer she did not want to hear.

Dandy and his mother appeared irritated at not getting their way, "Come Dandy I need a long, hot bath but I fear nothing will wash away the ghastly memory of that infernal caterwauling. By far the most freakish thing of all tonight was your pathetic attempt at singing."

Glancing at Miss Elsa's face I could see the harsh sting Mrs. Mott had caused before it passed over her face and buried into her soul.

"That was very rude and I believe you owe Miss Elsa an apology!" The words were out of my mouth before I could even control myself or my heated tone of voice.

Suddenly everyone was staring at me.

Dandy and his mother glared at me in distaste, "My dear when you have as much power and money as I do. You do not apologize for anything." With that she turned around with her son in tow and left the tent.

"Kvaila karvė." Speaking in bitter Lithuanian after she had left.

Miss Elsa walked over to me, "Thank you liebe for standing up for me."

"People like them are ignorant because they think they own the world but all they own is the malice within in their hearts." Huffing out breath remembering almost every Jew hater I had ever met.

Miss Elsa smiled, "Well family sticks up for family, you are doing a good job of becoming apart of ours."

A soft smile reached my face. Family...I had not truly experienced that in a long time.

* * *

I tried and willed the sleep to come but it was not working. Rarely did I ever get a decent nights sleep; After the War I learned to adjust to my erratic sleeping habits, sometimes it was insomnia other times it was dark nightmares that kept me awake.

The ghostly faces. The barracks. My momma and papa drifting in and out of my mind. The endless torture and murder that never seemed to end. This is what haunted my dreams. The dead have a special way of never leaving you, even when you desperately want them too.

Letting out a groan I flung my blanket back and sat up. Knowing I would not be sleeping anytime soon I grabbed a cardigan to cover my nightgown, preceded to grab a pen and my writing pad and sat upon my steps to write.

The full moon provided ampule lighting as I set to the task of writing my letter.

_My Dear Eliezer,_

_I am writing to you from a place known as Jupiter, Florida. The place known as my new home, for however long that may be. It has been a long day filled with travel and...unexpected and surprising meetings. So much can happen in just one day but then you and I already know that._

_Let me start by telling you that right away I have found employment, but please bear with me when I tell you the details. I am working for a woman named Elsa Mars, who runs "Fräulein Elsa's Cabinet of Curiosities". Basically it is a traveling troupe, or carnival of sideshow performers or "freaks", as the world commonly calls them. Yes, not only am I working for a German but I am dealing with extraordinary people though I prefer to not call them freaks for the word is too harsh and negative._

_My employer seems to be nice enough because she gave me the job but then again I have only known her for one day..._

_But hopefully I will become apart of these people's lives because in our cases it is never bad to have too many friends who become family. _

_Eliezer there are so many incredible people I have meet in the troupe with extraordinary abilities, like Eve-she is known as 'The World's Tallest Woman.' Or Ma Petite-'The World's Smallest Woman', she is adorable. I want to carry her smile with me everywhere. There is Ethel, the 'Bearded Lady', and let me tell you she could give some of the Orthodox men we know a run for their money when it comes to facial hair!_

_There is Jimmy, the 'Lobster Boy' because his hands are fused together and they look like claws. Dot and Bette, the pair of Siamese Twins. My jaw almost hit the floor when I saw them for the first time. _

_Then there is Paul...he is known as 'Paul the Illustrated Seal' because he arms seemed to have stopped developing at some point and they give off the impression of seal limbs. He is also tattooed up to his chin in grey ink to mimic the kind of fur seals have. It is wonderfully strange and amusing, and he is quite handsome..._

_Yet even after meeting everyone there is a voice in the back of my head reminding me that all of these people would have been killed directly and immediately at the camps. If they even would have made it to the camps. All because on the outside they appear different. Hitler himself would have had a personal field day with everyone I have met here._

_It is funny. I wanted to forget and get away from the cruelness of what the world can do, but I end up in a place where innocents are harassed and ostracized for just being themselves. The irony is not lost on me I assure you._

"Hey." A voice sounded startling me knocking my pad to the ground. Jimmy bent and retrieved my pad for me.

"Thank you." I said to him with a smile and he nodded.

"Can't sleep?" He asked me.

Shaking my head, "No I do not sleep as well as I used too. Getting a good nights sleep is a rare gift for me." Responding to his question.

Jimmy nodded again and a awkward silence began to approach on us.

"Why'd you stick up for Elsa like that?" Jimmy asked me. I guess that had been nagging at his mind.

"Because it was the right thing to do." Simply responding to the question.

Even though Jimmy didn't even know me for a full day I could tell he was baffled by me. I was puzzle for him to figure out, trying to figure out why I was really here and what my aim was.

But if I did not have anymore slip ups like I did earlier with Paul then he would never truly know and that would be for the best. I did not want to be pitied or gawked at because of what had happened to me.

I did not need people staring at my tattoo and that being the only thing they ever saw.

"Anyway thanks for doing it. It was cool for you to do it." He told me.

Before I could respond my head shot up.

"Do you hear that?" I stood up and asked him.

"Hear what?" Jimmy questioned.

"Listen." Instructing him as I tried to find the source of the noise. When you spend years having to figure out how to be painstakingly quiet for many reasons you gain valuable hearing skills.

Descending the stairs I followed the trace of the noise, "Follow me."

Jimmy was at my side in an instant as I navigated the camp.

"There, the shadows in that tent. It looks like a figure-a man maybe is standing over something or someone." Stopping him to point at a nearby tent where I was sure the noise was coming from.

He turned to me, "That's Bette and Dot's tent."

For a split second we stared straight at each other before taking off into a run to the tent.

We heard Bette before we saw her, "No, no get away. Get away, get away! No, get away, get away, get away!" Frantically yelling.

Jimmy and I burst through the tent curtain to find a heavyset man standing over the twins. I ran to Dot and Bette kneeling beside them as I grasped Bette's hand in mine giving her and Dot some comfort as I glared up at the intruder.

The man backed off a bit to face Jimmy and when he did I saw his badge. What would a policeman be doing here in the middle of the night like this?

"What's going on here?" Jimmy questioned the man.

"I gotta thank you. That sign you freaks put up helped me find my two main suspects. Bette and Dot Tattler, you're under arrest for murder." The policemen stepped forward yanking Bette's hand from mine as he put handcuffs on them.

"That hurts. It's too tight." Bette whimpered out in pain.

Murder? Is he talking about the murders in town Paul told me about earlier today?

"Now just hold on a second, Detective. Bette and Dot are victims too, they were stabbed themselves." Jimmy defended the twins.

"Yes how could you possibly believe they murdered anyone?" Speaking to him as I stayed close to Dot and Bette.

"Is that why they ran from the hospital? Their mother died days before they were attacked, and there was no sign of any forced entry at the house. Way I see it, they murdered their mother, and then they tried to cover it up. Wouldn't surprise me if they were involved with the killing at the lake and the Bachman murder." The Detective told us his theory in an arrogant manner that I did not welcome.

"Lies. You're telling lies!" Dot started yelling at the Detective. I put my hand on her shoulder to calm her down and quiet her.

"So that's it? Case closed?" Jimmy spat out.

"Look at 'em. They're monsters. Jury's gonna have no problem seeing that." The Detective scoffed at Dot and Bette.

Jimmy seethed, "Don't call them monsters."

"I call a spade a spade. Now, you should get out of my way." He warned.

"I can't let you take them." Jimmy whistled and in less than a minute Paul, Eve and Suzi appeared in the tent backing up Jimmy.

"And who's gonna stop me? You and your miscreants? Come tomorrow morning, my boys are gonna come over here and run you out of town. There is no place in Jupiter for freaks." I saw him start to pull his gun out of his holder. This was going to end very badly if I didn't act.

"Don't call us freaks!" Jimmy roared at him. I had to pacify him before he did something irrationally awful. Moving away from Bette and Dot I placed my hand on Jimmy's shoulder cautiously standing between him and the Detective.

"Do you have a warrant for their arrest?" I questioned him as calmly as I could.

"Excuse me?" He replied clearly annoyed.

"Do. You. Have. A. Warrant?" Questioning again irritated.

The Detective paused and stared at me for a long moment, "Who the hell are you?"

"Madalina Lekeman, and you sir are not answering my question. By avoiding the answer you are leading me to believe that you do not have a warrant for Bette and Dot's arrest." Knowing I was right.

He tried speaking again but I held my hand up to silence him, "No I think you have done enough talking for one night sir. Now it is time for someone else to speak their mind. My thinking is you know in your conscious that Dot and Bette did not kill those innocent people but you are pinning them for the crimes because they are an easy target. A scapegoat for your police department problems, which you know is not right but you do not care anyway. Let me ask you this, what if you take Bette and Dot right now but another horrendous murder happens? Then who will you blame? Someone else here perhaps?"

The Detective was stuttering trying to formulate an answer but I was not going to let him try to talk, "Dot and Bette did not 'run' from the hospital they were tired of being stared at and wanted solitude, solitude that Miss Elsa has provided them. If they did 'run' maybe they knew no matter what they would be suspected for these murders because of simple fact that they are different. Is there any evidence that they killed their mother? What possible intent could they have to kill the one person who took care of them?" Who loved them?" Trying to pile on sympathy for their dead mother.

Frankly I did not know if Dot and Bette killed their mother but if they did that was their sin to deal with and it was not my place to ask. I was just trying to keep them out of jail.

"Now sir, if you do not have a warrant for these girls arrest, which I know you do not. I suggest that you kindly leave the premises before something happens that you or one of the performers will regret. If you ever come back I suggest you _only_ come back to see the show and that is it." Squaring my shoulders sternly telling him.

Almost a minute passed before the Detective huffed out a breath, turned around and left the tent.

A shaky breath escaped my mouth as soon as he left. The tension gone, the trouble gone for now. At least I had managed to save Dot, Bette and the Detective.

I turned around to face Jimmy, "I know that emotions get out of hand when people persecute the ones you care about, but murder in rage is never the answer. Trust me, killing the opposer does not do much for your soul in the end."

Suddenly feeling exhausted I walked past him, all of them and out of the tent.


	5. Saving the Undeserving

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* * *

"Madalina wait up a moment." Paul spoke from behind me after I left the tent.

I waited til Paul was standing in front of me, "Yes Paul?"

"Let me walk you back to your trailer." His gray hair shined in the moonlight giving a slight hypnotic effect.

"That is alright you do not need too." Nervously smiling.

"I know but I want too." He flashed his perfect grin and my stomach felt funny.

Hoping the night would hide my blush I only nodded and we walked on.

"That was pretty brave what you did back there. You've got guts."

"I was just helping someone in need. I am not brave." Somberly responding to his praises.

"Why do you sell yourself short?" Paul stopped walking questioning me.

_My head flooded with memories of me cowering behind my papa and momma. When the Gestapo came for us I did not speak up like Petras. I did not speak up when I was separated from my papa, my grandparents, or my cousins. I clung to my momma for dear life in the camps after that. I did not help those sentenced to death by the gas chambers. I was not Eliezer or Petras, I did not fight. Not even when I saw them dying._

No. I was not brave.

"Madalina?" Paul's voice brought me back to reality.

Coughing nervously I replied, "What you call 'selling myself short', maybe I call modesty." A small smile appeared on my face as I tried to make a joke to distract him.

Paul started to chuckle, "Point taken, I guess you are just going to have to get used to us praising you." He beamed and I was sure my blush was up to my ears by now.

"You are very cheeky Paul." Musing as we reached my trailer steps.

As a response he bowed to me and giggles escaped past my lips, "It's what I do love." That smile never left his face. I never wanted it too. It was so beautiful to look at.

Bending down I retrieved my pad and pen I had hastily dropped when I led Jimmy to Dot and Bette. Standing up straight again something caught my eye by the tall brushes of weeds over by some of the other tents.

He was there and when I blinked he was gone.

"What is it?" Paul asked looking over to where I was staring.

"I...I thought I saw a clown? I guess I am more tired than I thought." Shaking my head chalking it up to my long day.

"Goodnight Paul, sleep well." Giving him a warm smile which he returned,

"And to you as well Madalina." I gave him one last glance before I stepping inside my trailer. I set my pad and pen down on the table and locked my door before settling into bed wishing for a few hours of sleep.

* * *

No matter how little sleep I have always gotten my body had been programmed from years at the camp to get up early. When I awoke the next morning I looked at my seneliai's pocket watch. Six thirty am, so I had slept for about five and a half hours. Not the worst I had ever gotten so it was not that bad.

Rising from bed I took a quick shower, put my dark brown wavy hair in a bun and dressed in one of my old ¾'s dresses taking care to make sure it covered my tattoo then put on Miss Ethel's apron. Before I walked out the door I grabbed one of my smaller note pads, a pencil, and my measuring tape hoping I could take down some of the others measurements for future use.

Tucking them into one of the apron pockets I set out for the outdoor cooking area ready to earn my keep.

The sun was just being to rise giving me enough light to make breakfast for everyone. Yesterday Eve had showed me where everything was, how much we had, and how to work the stove and oven because she did the cooking as well.

Wanting to do something simple I decided to make blueberry pancakes, although I was a bit weary about it. I was so used to frying the pancakes we made at home only a few times did I use the stove top to make them.

I hoped for the best as I started to mix the ingredients together in a large bowl while I let the stove warm up. As I let the first pancake cook I gathered plates, knives and forks to set the tables.

Inspecting the first pancake it did not appear half bad.

Thirty five minutes later I placed the last of my pancakes on a second plate. I hoped fifty would be enough for everyone.

"So it's you who is making that heavenly smell that's making its way around the camp."

"Hello Miss Ethel, how are you this morning?" Inquiring with a grin.

"Better now that I have some delicious looking pancakes to eat. Did you make those all?" She asked and I nodded.

"Do you think it will be enough?" Slightly panicked there would not be enough.

"Oh I reckon it's enough, let me go round everyone up to eat."

As she left to gather everyone I made a quick, rather large batch of scrambled eggs for everyone as well. By the time everyone had shown up the eggs and pancakes were waiting to be eaten. While I added eggs, flour, and blueberries to the grocery list.

"Oh my liebe, you made this for us?" Elsa exclaimed as she walked in with Ma Petite.

"Well yes Miss Elsa I thought that was part of my job?" Confused that I had already done something wrong.

"No, no, no my liebe you did everything right. Thank you for breakfast." She smiled as we all sat down at different tables.

"Miss Elsa if it is alright with you I would like to go around and start taking measurements from the performers for future use?" Asking as I started serving Ma Petite.

"Yes my sweet that would be perfectly fine, now let us eat." She commanded.

* * *

After breakfast I started with Ma Petite and Eve and slowly worked my way around the camp. By the time I had reached Dot and Bette I was nearly done, towing a bag of various items of clothing that needed to be mended along with me.

I found them sitting outside their tent, "Hello girls." Greeting them with a smile.

"Hi Lina." Bette responded with a smile.

"Hello." Dot answered. She was still stoic but after last night I could see some of the ice starting to melt away.

"Elsa mentioned that you both needed a new dress or two is it alright if I take your measurements to make some clothes?" Asking them.

"Don't you need a pattern to make clothes?" Bette inquired.

Shaking my head, "I do not need patterns, I make most of my clothes just by sight." I chuckled, "It is very useful."

Dot and Bette glanced at each other and it appeared that they seemed to be in some silent communication. After a minute they agreed and I followed them into their tent.

As I begun to take my measurements Dot spoke to me, "Why did you save that man when he clearly did not deserve to be saved?"

"Because even though he was a filthy šikna his blood did not belong on your hands; on our hands." Responding as I jotted down their waist size.

"But wouldn't his death served as justice for all those things he said and did?" Bette asked.

"Sometimes justice is not always black and white, sometimes it is complicated, sometimes it does not always happen." Sighing in depression, "In all honesty ladies I did not want to see anymore death. I have had my fill of it back home in Europe and I came to America to make a fresh start and escape death. Death brings many friends with him and none of them good." Seriously telling them.

"How much death have you known?" Dot honestly asked me.

I paused, "Enough to last me lifetimes. That is what happens when you are a Jew in a Nazi occupied Europe."

"I will trying and go into town today after my chores and buy some fabric to start making a dress. You two have a lovely afternoon." Changing the subject as I gathered my things and left.

* * *

Later in the early afternoon after getting Miss Elsa's permission I sought out Jimmy.

"Jimmy I understand you are going into town." Confirming with him rather than asking the question.

"Yeah leaving soon, why?" He questioned.

"Well I need to go to town too and I was wondering if I could catch a ride on your bike?" Eyeing his motorcycle. I had seen them, but I had never ridden on one before.

He leaned against his trailer and stared at me, suspicious no doubt, "What do you need in town?"

"Miss Elsa wants me to put up some new flyers advertising the twins and I need to go and buy fabric. Dot and Bette need some clothes made along with some of the other members. I just need a ride there I can walk back." Grinning at him hoping he would take me.

There was a pause, "If I double check with Elsa is she going to confirm what you just told me?" Questioning in distrust.

I do not blame him for being uneasy but the implication still stung a bit nonetheless.

"I would not lie to you." Earnestly replying, "But I understand where your wariness is coming from. How about this, you go check with Miss Elsa and I will run back to my trailer and get my bag."

Jimmy took a moment to think it over and nodded. I took off in a jog back to my trailer to retrieve my shoulder bag and the large canvas bag I had put away for special outings. I had hoped it would be able to hold everything I needed.

By the time I got back Jimmy was standing by his motorcycle.

"Are you ready?" I beamed at him.

"Why do you smile so much?"

"Why not?" Answering in a simple reply.

"Come on." He commanded and got on his bike. Biting my lip I sat down behind him.

"You may want to hold on!" He shouted as he started up his bike.

"To what?" I asked but he dd not answer only took off causing me to grab onto his waist for dear life.

I did not know what I was more nervous about, riding a motorcycle for the first time. Or this being the closest I had ever been to a man.

The faster he went the tighter I held on and the more I blushed and the more I felt Jimmy laughing at me.

Yet after a few minutes it did not seem so scary anymore. The open road looked welcoming. It looked freeing and beautiful.

With shaking hands I slowly loosened my grip around Jimmy's waist til my hands were at my sides. My arms tremored as I cautiously raised them into the air feeling the wind bet against them.

My hair was down and my waves were whipping through the wind. I felt wild almost.

Grinning I started to laugh as I kept my arms out in the wind.

A bird. I was a bird feeling a freedom I had never known.

"Having fun?" Jimmy mused.

"This is amazing." I laughed. I closed my eyes and let the wind take me. I let myself feel wild and free.

* * *

Jimmy dropped me off in the middle of town.

"Thank you for the ride Jimmy." I said getting off the bike, disappointed that the ride was over.

"No problem. I got things to do in town so I won't be far if you run into any trouble. You sure you don't want a ride back?" His demeanor seemed to changed, his mood appeared lightened towards me now.

"No thank you I like to walk." Giving out a chuckle.

He nodded before starting up his bike and driving off into the other parts of town.

It took me twenty minutes to post all of the flyers Miss Elsa had given me, after I was satisfied with their placing I headed off to the local tailors shop. But before I could enter I tripped on my shoelace and almost fell onto the ground. Bending down to retie it my eye caught something in the garbage bin.

Getting up I carefully took the discarded newspaper out of the bin and studied the front page.

_"Local Detective Missing As of This Morning. Police On the Case and Looking For Any Suspects."_

Under the headline was the photo of the same man I encountered last night.

It is not a simple coincidence that after he leaves the camp he goes missing. Making sure no one was around I quickly folded the newspaper intent on reading it further later.

Upon entering the shop a bell dinged notifying the owner who was sitting behind a counter. The owner was an older man, with balding grey hair looking to be around fifty or sixty. I gave him a smile and went on to search for fabric.

After a few minutes I had found a lovely lilac and canary yellow color that I thought would look wonderful on Bette and Dot, a simple white, and basic black just to cover the necessities.

Walking up to the counter I being speaking with the owner, "Hello, do you think I could get twelve yards of the canary yellow, the lilac, the white and the black?" Asking him.

He nodded and gave a small smile to which I returned. He got up and walked up from behind the counter. That is when my breath stopped short in my throat as I caught sight of his left arm.

Putting my hand on his arm him he turned and stared at me confused.

"Jedem das Seine." I whispered to him.

Those cruel gates words will forever be embedded in my memory.

There was a pause as he took in my words, "Arbeit Macht Frei." The man softly replied.

Slowly I lifted my sleeve to show him my tattoo. He lifted up his and we put them together side by side. I wondered if this was real? Finding another survivor here, in Jupiter.

I stared into the eyes of this man I did not even know but there was already an instant connection. A connection no normal person would be able to understand.

The connection and tie of surviving Hell, in every sense of the word.


	6. Dodging Questions

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* * *

"This is incredible." Whispering to the man, "What is your name?"

"Blionski, but you can call me Janek." He gave a tiny smile.

"That sounds Polish." I told him.

Janek chuckled, "That is because it is my child." His accent was not as heavy as mine, maybe he had been in America longer.

"What is your name?" He asked me.

"Madalina Lekeman, I am from southern Lithuanian." I responding.

The conversation lulled into a silence. Neither of us knew what to do. I know it was a bit irrational but I did not think many survivors would immigrate to America, at least not so quickly.

"Let me ring up the fabrics for you." Quietly shuffling back behind the counter, I bit my lip and nodded.

As he was ringing my order up my head swan with many questions for Janek. How long was he in Auschwitz? Was that the only camp he was in? How many did he lose? When did he go in?

Breaking my thinking, "Your total is fifteen dollars."

I did a double check back at the prices of the fabric and how much I got.

"That is not the right amount, it is way too low Janek." Staring at him in confusion.

He face softened, "Think of it as a special discount child." Motioning to my tattoo. I looked down and saw my sleeve was still pulled up. I had forgotten all about it.

"When were you brought in?" Janek asked I as put my fabric in my bag and gave him the money.

"1942, two and a half years of that misery." Sighing staring down at my arm as I laid it upon the counter.

Janek laid he arm next to mine, "You are not alone in that misery my child." I looked into the eyes of a man who had seen much, done much, and had been through much.

Just like me.

His eyes shifted past mine out to the window.

"Someone is watching us." Warning me.

I turned my head and found Jimmy watching us through the window. I yanked my sleeve back down and grabbed my bag.

"I need to go before I draw further attention, the people I am with do not know about any of it." Rushing the words out of my mouth, "But I have so many questions, may I come back Janek?" My voice pleading in desperation.

He nodded, "You may come back anytime. How about next Saturday afternoon for tea, three o' clock?"

Smiling, "That is perfect. I will see you then and thank you for the fabric." Speaking one last time. I gave him one more smile before heading out the door to Jimmy.

Jimmy remained callous as I approached him, "Jimmy what are you doing here? I told you I would walk back." Putting a fake grin on my face hoping it would throw him off.

"What the hell was that?" Coldly questioning as he pointed to Janek's shop.

"I was buying fabric? I told you that." Playing innocent.

"Don't play dumb Lina I saw you and the tailor engaged in...something." Heating replying.

"Jimmy I do not know what you are talking about." Still playing innocent but there was an underlining annoyance to my voice. Why did this man need to know everything about everyone?

"I was here almost the whole time. I saw you and that man hold your arms up together. You were talking about something. What is on your arm that is so important?" He interrogated as he stared at my left arm.

"You must be mistaken Jimmy because I still do not know what you are talking about!" Exclaiming in frustration as I moved to walk away from him but he grabbed me by my left arm to stop me.

Jimmy spoke but his words became muffled as I fell into the rabbit hole.

_I was afraid. Tears were streaming down my face. I held onto mamma's hand tightly as the line moved forward. I missed papa. Where had they taken papa? Why were we separated from the other men. My head hurt from the questions. _

_Was papa okay? Was he with senelis? Where did the guards take senelė? My aunts were still crying because the guards took them from their children. Where were my cousins? Why did they take the children! _

_Where was my family?_

_Mamma got yanked by her arm someone forcing me to let go of her. I started screaming but then my aunts hugged me and told me to be quiet. I panicked what were they doing to Mamma? Suddenly I was forced away from my aunts and I was panicking again. A man was shouting at me in German and I did not understand him. He grabbed my left arm while someone else held me still. _

_That is when the real screaming began._

_By the time it was done six numbers were imprinted into my skin mingling with my blood. No matter how much I rubbed they would not go away._

_They would be there forever._

The present came flooding back to me as my breath escaped in short gasps from my chest. Jimmy loosened his grip and I yanked my arm away from him.

Staring at Jimmy he looked concerned and horrified at the same time.

"Just because you feel the need to know everything... does not mean that you need too! As individuals we have things we keep secret and that is what they should, and will stay. Secret! So do not go prying into mine!" Shouting at him in anger.

Before he could say anything I turned and ran from him clutching my things to me.

* * *

Carefully I avoided Jimmy for the night and went out of my way to stay away from him the next morning. I was irritated and upset over what had happened. Why did some people have a problem with leaving certain things be?

Sitting out on my steps mending some of the clothes I had taken from the performers I was trying to let the warm sun take away my anxiety about Jimmy and about that newspaper article I had poured over about ten times.

Then this morning at breakfast the radio was on reporting that the Detective was still missing and that the police were out looking for blood and I just knew this was going to come back to us.

Proving myself right a ripple of unrest spread throughout the camp as a police car, with sirens blaring pulled onto the grounds. Setting my things down I quickly made my way over to the car and gathered next to Miss Ethel avoiding Jimmy's apparent stare towards me. Miss Elsa came out of her tent to greet the two gentlemen, one tall, one round and short.

"You the proprietor of this uh, freak show?" The tall one asked her.

"I am now what can I do for you gentlemen?" She coolly asked them.

"We'd like to search your grounds for any evidence on our missing Detective." The round Detective shortly replied.

"We have nothing to hide. But I cannot allow you to look around without a search warrant. My monsters cherish their privacy. You can see all we have to offer with a ticket to the show." Curtly replying to them.

"There ain't gonna be any show tonight, or anytime soon." The tall one smirked, "We're setting up a curfew. This town is shutting down at night till the killer's caught."

Warily I cast a glance at Miss Ethel and she matched my expression.

Miss Elsa instantly became annoyed, "A curfew? You are going to ruin my business."

The tall tree replied with a smile, "Every dark cloud has a silver lining." I had a sudden urge to slap him in the face.

The round one spoke," Ah our famous vanishing patient." Dot and Bette had finally come to see what was going on, "Or is it patients?" He joked causing me to roll my eyes.

"They left the hospital for the same reason anyone does; they're weren't ill anymore. Did you expect them to move in?" Miss Elsa was clearly vexed by presence of these men and I was on my way to being there soon.

"We'd like to get statements from anyone involved in a murder investigation." The shorty spoke to Dot and Bette.

"They gave their statement. To the other policeman. I was there when they did. He told us, off the record, that their story had the trademark of the other killings. He did seem drunk, though." She answered for them.

Clearly she was lying, but she was lying for Bette and Dot and the others.

"I agree with Miss Mars. I smelled whiskey." Dot finally broke the silence for the twins in an attempt to back up Miss Elsa. Though the the two gentlemen did not seem to buy it.

"He never mentioned that statement to us, and now he's missing." The tree mused.

A small smirk appeared on Miss Elsa's face, "Will you arrest us for that, too? His disappearance? We're such easy targets, aren't we." Glaring at the men and her words hit a nerve inside me.

_Easy targets._

"We're not arresting anyone for anything." The short one paused, "Yet." A threatening warning to us all.

"We got a stack of murders and a missing cop, though, so expect to get to know us." They delivered one last threat before climbing into their car and driving off.

Leaving their tension and uneasiness to linger at camp.

* * *

"This is bad. They are going to come back and next time it will be with a search warrant." Speaking out loud to the group.

Jimmy had gathered me, Paul, Eve and Suzi in his trailer to discuss the matter of the police and the missing Detective.

"Or worse an arrest warrant." Suzi chimed in.

"Yeah but we didn't do anything." Eve said.

"Doesn't matter." Jimmy shook his head.

"He is right. As far as we know we were the last ones to see the Detective before he disappeared. The police knew he was coming here and that this was the last place he was reportedly seen." Explaining to them.

"So what do we do?" Paul asked to anyone.

"Keep our heads down and hope they find out who really took that Detective otherwise all of us are not safe. It is like Miss Elsa said, we are easy targets." Grimly replying.

I paused but I needed to ask this question, "I know this is going to cause commotion but if anybody has anything new to say after the Detective left they should say it now." Sighing carefully avoiding eye contact with Jimmy.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Jimmy questioned getting upset.

"Jimmy, fellow just calm down." Paul tried settling him down.

"No if she has something to say then she should come out say it!" He shouted at me.

"All I am saying is tempers can still run wild after an incident like the one we all were in. Rage in the moment can still happen and I just wanted to clear up and make sure nobody went looking for trouble. Now is not the time for secrets." Responding as calmly as I could.

Jimmy scoffed at me, "Yeah because _you_ should be the one lecturing me on secrets."

I narrowed my eyes at him, "What is that supposed to mean mate?" Paul quickly came to my defense.

"Nothing except the fact that this chick has been here, what three days and I've figured out she's more guarded than a bank vault. She won't tell nobody nothing...except maybe the tailor in town." Jimmy smirked at me.

I clenched my hands as the rage poured over my soul trying to find a place to settle, "My past, my secrets are none of your business! And excuse me for not wanting to relive that living Hell I was in back in Europe because I do that enough already. Every damn day! That War took everything from me so I am sorry if I never want to talk about the worst years of my life." Screaming at him, rendered everyone speechless at my outburst.

I spit at his feet, "šunsnukis." Cursing at him before going to the door and slamming it behind me.


	7. Sometimes You Fight, Sometimes You Wait

**Hey guys, sorry in advance if this is not my best chapter I was in rush to rewrite it after FanFiction crashed on me (which I am still very pissed about!) Anyone I still hope it is to your liking. The next few chapters will have some big happenings!**

**This one is for **TwilightNewMoonEclipseMidnight

* * *

Miss Ethel and I went to go find Bette and Dot because they needed to rehearse their act. We found them sitting in an abandoned ferris wheel car. Bette was trying to get tan, Dot was reading a book, and Miss Ethel was not happy.

"What are you two loafers doing out here? Get up! It's time to go work on your act." She commanded them.

"We're not performers." Dot rejected the notion.

"Speak for yourself." Bette replied a bit insulted.

"Around here, we sing for our supper." Chastising Dot.

The sound of tire tracks on dirt made us turn around, my heart sped up thinking the police had come back so quickly.

A car towing a trailer parked near Miss Elsa's tent and a very muscular man stepped out of the car.

"Christ on a wheel." Miss Ethel breathed out upon seeing the man.

"Who's that?" Dot asked curious.

"Somebody I used to know." I could tell by her face that Miss Ethel was not excited for the upcoming reunion. The man opened the trailer door and a African American woman stepped out.

She was vivacious in almost every sense of the word. Together her and the man walked into Miss Elsa's trailer.

The emotions on Miss Ethel's face said it all. This man was to bring trouble. Trouble that we did not need right now.

* * *

I was in the main tent cleaning the chairs still recovering from the fact that a strong man and his three-breasted hermaphrodite wife had now joined the troupe. My eyes almost popped out of my head when Miss Elsa told us.

Making clothes for Desiree might prove to be a bit of a challenge... still I could not wait to write Eliezer and tell him, I wish I could see his reaction when he reads that later.

Desiree seemed alright, but Dell... I could tell why Miss Ethel was wary about having him back. There was something in him, something buried deep in his soul that was darkened. Sooner or later it would manifest in many forms and that is when problems would start. Something about him just did not feel right.

Jimmy came into the tent and I inwardly held off a groan when I realized he did not notice me because was not alone.

"Well, it ain't bad, but the kids, they really like those prizes that come in the boxed stuff." He explained to the man, Dandy who was here a few nights ago with his mother. Something also did not feel right about him. Maybe it was because he was a spoiled, rotten brat; but maybe it was because he tried to buy Dot and Bette for his own personal amusement.

"That's because they haven't tasted this!" As Dandy stuffed his face with popcorn. They seemed to be debating the different tastings of caramel corn.

Shaking my head in confusion, _'Men.'_ Thinking to myself as I watched them.

"Listen, I know that's not why you're got a thing for the twins. Look, I don't judge, okay? I get it, you know? You see a piece of tail, you just got to have it. But us guys, we don't always think with our brains." Explaining to him man to man.

"It's not about the twins! It's about me." He paused, "I'd like to join the show."

"What?" I spoke out loud in bewilderment causing the both of them to notice me for the first time since they came into the tent. Turning red I ducked my head down and continued cleaning the chairs.

I did not raise my head until Dandy started speaking again, "I've had an epiphany. I truly believe this is where I belong. I've been ruminating on my life and what I want. This is the perfect place for me." He spoke with such knowing clarity but I was staring at him like he had three heads.

"Well, unless you got pony legs under those trousers or a double ding dong." Jimmy joked.

"No, but I do know the entire Cole Porter canon." Dandy replied and I sighed into my hands. Good lord.

"Listen. You ain't the first kid who wants to run away and join the circus. You got dreams of the lights. But trust me." Jimmy turned gloomy. "It's nothing like you'd imagine. You wouldn't last one day here." Trying to let Dandy down gently but he just was not having it.

"You don't know me! What you're looking at- that's not who I am inside. I'm one of you. I'll prove it. Please! Just take a chance on me! You'd be saving my life." Dandy was desperately pleading to Jimmy but I knew it was not going to work. I glanced at Jimmy and waited for the verbal outbreak that was going to happen.

"You know what I wouldn't give to have real hands like yours? To be able to touch a girl without scaring her? From where I'm sitting you got the world on a string. So you go home to your mansion on the hill, and you thank God for all you got." My heart felt heavy as Jimmy poured his emotions to Dandy. He, all the performers must have felt like that everyday; thinking they were real monsters.

"Now scram! I got to sweep a tent." He walked away from him and made his way towards the stage.

Dandy stood there for a moment and I thought I could see the steam hissing from his ears. He threw his popcorn on the ground and left the tent in a furious huff.

I looked to the stage and saw Jimmy leaning his arms against the stage, his shoulders rising and falling in short breaths. His words echoed in my head, _"You know what I wouldn't give to have real hands like yours? To be able to touch a girl without scaring her?"_

Putting my stuff down I slowly made my way to Jimmy.

"Jimmy." Tentatively calling his name as I was standing behind him. He did not turn around right away and I feared he would not turn around at all, or even respond.

But to my surprise he turned around and the emotion on his face was very simple to read.

Pain.

I held out my right hand to him. He stared at me intensely maybe trying to figure out if this was a cruel joke.

Moments passed and I still had my hand out hoping it would prove to him I was being true.

Cautiously he raised his hand, which was shaking, and laid it upon my open palm.

I closed my fingers around his hand and we stayed like that. Hand in hand staring at our hands together. His hands felt soft which I did not expect, but then again I did not know what to expect.

Lifting my eyes I stared into his face, "Do I look scared?" Asking him honestly.

He looked into my eyes but did not answer. He went back to staring at our joined hands.

I felt him squeeze my hand bringing a small smile to my face.

* * *

Later I was sitting next to Jimmy and the others in the main tent while Bette and Dot were rehearsing their acts. Miss Elsa was there to watch and it was not going well, poor Bette bless her heart was trying but she could not sing. At all.

"Nein! Stop! Halt! You make my teeth ache." She yelled, "You're flat."

"I'm sorry, I'm a little nervous." Bette was apologizing feeling guilty.

"A little tone deaf." Desiree mused from her spot at the piano.

I caught eyes with Dot and sent her a sympathetic look.

"Come on, we try again, come on." Miss Elsa motioned for Desiree to start playing again but it went about as well as the first try.

"Please, no more. I thought you said you could sing? I'm going to have to find something else for you to do." Bothered that she was going to have to figure something else out for the twins to do.

I glanced at Jimmy and it was obvious we both felt bad for Bette _and_ Dot on having to take this harsh criticism.

"Like what?" Bette asked her.

Miss Elsa waved her hand, "Uh, juggling. Doesn't matter."

Desiree appeared shocked, "What? What do you mean it "doesn't matter"? They're our headliners!"

"Does anybody else notice the evident pun?" I whispered to Jimmy and I saw him smirk causing me to giggle; our argument from before melted away into a happy medium. I think that Jimmy was not going to ask me anymore personal questions

"Hardly that! They are my warm-up act. It doesn't matter that they're good. They have two heads." Simply explaining but it seemed a bit callous to Bette and Dot.

"Please, Miss Elsa. We don't want to just stand here and be stared at. It's embarrassing." Bette implored to her and it made me feel worse for them.

Desiree spoke up, "Me and Dell? Uh, we saw this act down in Mexico. This senorita, could shoot ping pong balls right out of her, 'pop!'" Indicating to a private female part. We all looked at her telling her it was not going to happen.

"What? At least I'm trying to come up with something." She defended herself.

"What about Dot?" Jimmy asked out of the blue.

Bette giggled, "Dot doesn't have any talent."

"That's true. I don't even know that song." Quietly replying.

"So sing something else." Speaking up trying to show my encouragement for Dot.

"Whatever you want. Sing it to me." Jimmy said and I did not know if he was being nice just to be nice to Dot or he was just trying to get her to cooperate.

"No." Dot shook her head.

Jimmy smiled, "Pretend like nobody's here. Just me. Go on. Give it a try." With that charm of his I knew Dot did not stand a chance.

She stared to sing acapella and it was magnificent. But I could not help the way she stared at Jimmy throughout singing. It was a little more than friendly. I was pretty sure Dot had a crush on Jimmy.

Oh boy.

"Ha! Not bad. That'll go over real nice tomorrow." Our attention turned to Dell who had entered the tent.

"What, has the curfew been lifted already?" Miss Elsa asked him.

Aw, hell no. But we're not gonna let that stop us, until the curfew's lifted. "Matinee"? That's right, folks can come see the show, be home in time for Uncle Miltie." He explained.

"Nein, nein. No matinees. People don't come to see freaks in the heat of day. They come in the evening. When the darkness moves in and speaks of mystery. The unknown. When logic loosens its vice grip and the imagination comes out to play. The night allows the stars to shine and we come alive." I guess she had a point.

She laughed, "No, daytime is for kiddie shows. Clowns and kewpie dolls, maybe that's what you're used to, but you're in a real freak show now. My freak show!" Laying down her authority.

Dell immediately looked displeased, to put it nicely.

"Dell? Listen to the lady. She's your boss now." Desiree warned her husband.

"No lady is the boss of me." He heatedly replied moving closer to Miss Elsa.

Oh this could get ugly.

Jimmy got up, "Why don't we go outside and calm down, huh?" But Dell immediately torn himself away from Jimmy. Dot and I gasped. The air was filled with a thick tension at what would happen next.

After a moment or two passed Dell exhaled, "The hell with this. I'm gonna go into town. Post some bills. There will be paying asses in these seats tomorrow! Curtain goes up at 3:00." He ordered all of us and left.

Miss Elsa smirked after he had left, "That man is going to be a problem."

* * *

"Hello Ma Petite." I smiled to her as I stepped inside the trailer she shared with Eve.

"Hello Lina!" She smiled back.

"I was just giving you back the clothes you asked to be mended." Handing her the garments, "Good as new!"

"Thank you very much Lina!" She beamed and I just wanted to bottle her adorableness.

I glanced around the trailer, "Where is Eve? In fact I have not seen many of the other performers in a while?" Confessing to her.

"Oh Jimmy took them to town to eat at the diner for lunch." She told me.

"He did what?" Stunned he would do such a thing. Did he not know the danger, the risks of bringing the other performers to town? Excusing myself from Ma Petite I left the trailer.

I did not know what to do. The only thing I could do was wait till they all got back and see if everyone was alright. Sitting down outside the main tent I waited all the while a feeling of dread settled into my bones.

Not long after I had settled into the dust with my dread to keep me company, did I see the outline of the group on the horizon.

When the group came into the camp I saw blood on Jimmy's face with a forming black eye.

"Oh my God what happened?" Panicking as I saw Jimmy's face but he did not even appear to hear me. He walked right past me and went over to Miss Elsa's tent.

I turned back toward the group for answers, "Dell happened." Paul told me eliciting a gasp from me.

Jimmy came out of Miss Elsa's tent still looking agitated, "Come to my trailer I will fix you up, and you three can tell me what happened." Speaking to Paul and Eve as well.

Stepping into my trailer I went into my wardrobe pulling out my First Aid kit. I had bought it after the War and always kept it stocked and ready in case I ever needed to use it.

By the time I had finished cleaning up Jimmy's face Eve and Paul had finished telling me everything. I was ready to shoot Dell from the rage forming inside me.

"Jimmy I understand what you did and why you did it but it was incredibly dangerous and a little reckless." Telling him as I started cleaning everything up, "What if things had gotten worse? What if the police had shown up or Dell decided to attack someone else in the group." I bent down to his eye level so he had to look at me.

"I understand what it feels like, when all you want is for people to see you as a person and not some 'thing' and just want to be accepted, I know that all too well. The Jews were pushed out of everyday life and made to feel out of place, different, and weird." Telling him straight in the eyes.

Walking over to my nightstand I picked up my parents wedding photo, "My papa was a wonderful professor at a University in Lithuania studying in a period from the Renaissance to the reign of Queen Elizabeth the first, everybody loved him."

Smiling remembering the memories, "I would pour over my papas books for hours learning everything I could. I learned about the inventions and works of Leonardo Da Vinci. I would stare at this picture of the Mona Lisa in one of my papa's books for hours completely memorized. I read the works of Shakespeare and fell in love with his plays, I would tell my papa I wanted to be like Queen Elizabeth, to be brave and strong." Handing them the picture frame as I sat down at the vanity table.

"What happened?" Paul gently asked.

"By the time I was old enough to read the books my papa had already been forced out of his job at the University after the Nuremburg Laws were passed in 1935. Jews were not allowed to 'corrupt' the minds of innocent Germans no longer. My papa worked at that University for eight years and he was pushed out along with thousands of other Government and Federal employees, like he was nothing." Bitterly speaking.

"That's terrible!" Eve exclaimed.

Shrugging my shoulders, "That was not the worst of it. Many laws came into power after Hitler was elected in 1933. Jews were not allowed mixed marriages or sexual relations with anyone of German or 'German-related blood'. Jews could not vote or hold positions in public office. Jews could no longer be admitted into German hospitals. Jewish authors were banned and their books burned. The laws and rules go on and on." Explaining to them, counting off some of the laws.

_'And the star. Do not ever forget the star.'_ The voice in my mind echoed.

"And you didn't ever fight back." Jimmy questioned perplexed.

"I was just a child when the Nazi's came. I thought if we kept our heads down, kept our mouths shut, did and said as little as possible we would be okay." Shaking my head, "But that was not the case, I just did not know it then. But my cousin Petras knew it. When the Gestapo came to force us into the Ghetto's he tried fighting back." My voice strained at remembering it.

I picked up the family picture and stared at him, "The Gestapo beat him right there in the street, right in front of me. I was almost nine at the time. I watched the men drag his body into a police car and I started crying thinking I would never see him again. Luckily for us the police Captains son studied under my father for a year at the University and knew him well. We had to pay an enormous fee to get him out of jail but...he was labeled as political radical. His name was put on a list and now he had two targets on his instead of just one." Telling Jimmy.

"Sometimes there is a time to fight. Sometimes you just have to wait till you can bide your time until you can fight."

* * *

After the group had left I paced around my trailer. Livid at what Dell had done to Jimmy.

Before I knew what I was doing I was pounding on his and Desiree's trailer door.

The door swung open, "What?" Dell questioned annoyed but I pushed past him into the trailer.

"What the hell are you doing?" Get the hell out of my trailer!" He barked.

"How could you do that to Jimmy! He may have been wrong but his heart was in the right place." Fuming at him, "You had no right to hurt him like that!"

"What Jimmy did was stupid, he did not think. Those freaks don't belong out in the real world. Listen I'll do whatever the hell I want to whoever I want. You would take care to remember that yourself." Warning me as if it was supposed to scare me.

"Do not call them freaks you kvailas asilas! Everyone here is a person just like you or me and they deserve to be treated with respect!" Yelling at him.

Dell became enraged and trapped me in his arms. For a moment I became frightened, but only for a moment.

I had known far, far worse than him.

"Little girl, you best shut your damn mouth before you have yourself a little accident." Hissing his threat at me.

Smirking at him, "You do not scare me. I have stared into the faces of pure evil hundreds of time since I was child. No you do not frighten me, you do not even come close. You are just a scared man sitting in the darkest parts of your soul trying to hide from your fears, your past, your demons; and when they come out they will not only tear you apart but this camp will be affected." I seethed at him showing no fear. Which must have taken him aback because he slowly let me go as he absorbed my words.

I walked towards the door, "You touch me again, you touch anyone of those good people again and I will make sure you will regret it. I have seen murder happen hundreds of time before my eyes and I have learned a thing or two." Wrathfully telling him before I let the trailer door slam shut behind me.


	8. Meep

I heard the sirens before I saw them. I was cleaning Bette and Dot's tent when I first heard them. My heart thumped against my chest knowing the police had come back. Flinging back the curtain I ran into Paul who was coming out of his tent.

"They are coming for someone." I told him. I do not know how I knew but I just did. He frowned with worry. We watched everyone gather on the grounds as the multiple police cars parked into camp.

Miss Elsa came out of her tent, "Elsa Mars. We have a warrant to search the premises for evidence pertaining to the disappearance of Detective Robert Bunch." Producing her with the warrant.

_'So that was his name.'_ My mind murmured. I had not even known his name.

"On what grounds officer?" Miss Elsa angrily asked him snatching the paper from him.

"We received an anonymous tip. We have reasons to believe he was murdered here." I stepped closer to Paul suddenly afraid, "Which one of these tents belongs to Dell Toledo?" The lead officer asked. My brow furrowed with confusion.

Miss Elsa pointed to it, "That one over there."

"Turn it upside down!" The Detective shouted to his men.

"Now wait a minute! Now what the hell is going on here?" Asking the officer in outrage.

Dell went to move but another policeman stopped him, "We only just got here a couple of days ago. We haven't done anything." He tried telling them.

"Shut your trap!" The officer snapped at him.

The policemen came out of the trailer with Desiree who was yelling, "Dell!"

"We already got an earful about what a Boy Scout you were, from Chicago PD." The lead Detective told him. I watched Elsa and Jimmy briefly glance at each other. My stomach churned, what had they done?

One of the officers came over, "Nothing in the trailer sir."

"Nobody moves a muscle until we search every tent here! Tear this place apart!" Yelling at his men and us as the men started upending every part of the the camp.

This was feeling too familiar for me. I thought I was back in Lithuania watching the Gestapo tear homes apart forcing families into the Ghettos. Instinctively I grabbed Paul's hand for comfort. We both looked down at our hands. Blushing out of embarrassment I let go.

"Sorry." Apologizing as I was turn crimson.

"No problem love, anytime." His smile was still the same but his voice sounded odd...Something else felt different as we stared into each others eyes. It felt like the rest of the world was fading away.

"Found it sir!" One of the officers shouted breaking us out of our daze. We turned our heads to see an officer dragging Meep out of his trailer in a panicked state.

"No." I breathed out. My heart gripping with fear.

"Meep Meep Meep Meep." Was all he whimpered. I wanted to run to him. To pull that officer from him and cradle him till he was no longer upset.

The officer threw something to the Detective, "It was under his bed roll."

The Detective held up a piece of shiny metal, "This is Detective Bunch's badge." He declared.

Miss Elsa was stunned, "I am shocked officer, shocked." Was all she could say.

They started dragging Meep to the police car and I took off in run towards them.

"No, no you cannot take him! He did not do anything!" I was screeching at them. I tried moving but Paul was keeping me back. They ignored my pleas and started to drive off. All I could see was Meep's scared face in the back of the police car.

I collapsed in the dust, tears streaming down my face. I looked around as saw Miss Elsa and Eve holding back Jimmy. At least I was not the only one feeling this way.

* * *

After the cloud of dust from the car slowly disappeared everything stood still for a brief minute before the ticking of life came back to us. The camp seemed to come back to life in the aftermath of Meep's arrest.

Tearing myself away from Paul I got up, ignoring his calls to me, and ran back to my trailer and locked my door. I knew what I had to do. I knew I had to try. I ran to my bed and searched under my mattress for my shoulder purse.

I took out my pouch and counted all off the money I still had. One hundred and seventy-five dollars left. Stuffing the money back into my pouch I took off Miss Ethel's apron, took the pouch and put in back into my purse.

Slinging the shoulder bag over my body I unlocked the trailer and quietly stepped outside. Peering around I did not see Paul, Eve, Jimmy, Miss Elsa. They were still gravitated towards the front of the camp. Quickly I descended the steps, jogged my way to the outskirts of the camp, taking shortcuts to get to the main road trying to be spotted as little as possible.

Once I was sure I was far enough away from the beginnings of camp I slowed down into a walk as I headed for town.

By the time I had made it to town it was already early in the afternoon. I was tired but I did not stop until I was standing outside the Jupiter Police Station.

Taking in a big breath of air and silently asking my momma for strength I stormed into the station as if I was God himself.

"Who runs this station!" Demanding of the officer behind the desk.

"That would be Chief Colquitt." The man stammered.

"Bring him to me. I need to speak with him." Lividly telling him.

But all the man behind the desk did was stare at me, mouth agape.

"Did I stutter! I asked you to bring him to me!" Snapping at him making him shoot up out of his seat back into the station.

Some moments passed before the man who had led the raid on the camp appeared.

"What can I do for you?" Chief Colquitt sweetly asked me.

Crossing my arms, "The man you just brought in, Meep, I want him released."

His face immediately turned cross, "Now Miss that monster is under arrest for murdering Detective Robert Bunch, and the murders of those other folks in town."

"Have you seen Meep?" Inquiring if he was crazy, "He weighs, maybe what...a hundred pounds and is a simple minded person. You people really think he could have kill six people? Including your Detective, one of the victims was beheaded for God's sake you really believe Meep could have done that!"

"The evidence points to him." The Chief was becoming agitated at my attitude.

"Evidence, you have a badge! Sir our camp is an open camp. Anyone could have snuck in, day or night and placed that badge in anyone's trailer. Obviously they chose Meep's. Or maybe Meep just found the badge and kept it, he likes shiny things." Explaining this to the hard headed man.

"Look that freak knows something so we are keeping him till he tells us." Sternly telling me.

"Do not call him a freak! Are you really that desperate that you will hold a man like Meep guilty for six murders? He only speaks only word! But that is what people like you do best. Find scapegoats to blame your problems on so you will not have to find the real culprits, maybe if you all were doing your jobs properly you would not have six murders and two missing persons." Screaming at him.

"That's it get the hell out of my damn station!" He roared at me.

Two men came and grabbed me trying to force me out of the station, "Do not touch me you SS kiaulės!" Screeching at them momentarily thinking I was back in the hands of the Nazi's, "I am not leaving here until I have Meep!"

"What the hell is going on here?" Someone loudly questioned. Facing the sound of the voice all the air in my body escaped in a single heartbeat. That voice. I remember that voice.

Wrestling myself out the policemen's arms I slowly stood in front of him. He was older than when I last saw him, but his eyes. I would never forget those eyes. When I first stared into them I instantly became lost in two sapphires orbs.

"It is you." Whispering to him as I remembered.

_The coughs racked my body echoing the nearly empty barracks. The only ones left in here were the sickly the Resistance rescued and hid. Why did they hid me? Why would they not let me die in peace? The sickness was nearing to an end, I could feel it. Even though the end of the War was coming to a close I knew I would not live to see it. _

_There was talk of liberation coming soon, but I did not care. _

_I just wanted to die and finally be with my family again. I was so delirious I did not know what was going on. Or even if anything was real. I kept drifting in and out of consciousness. I did not know how long I had been in the barracks, or how long the camp had been abandoned by most of the SS. Fleeing to save themselves. Cowards.  
_

_Even though my hearing was heavy and muffled the noises of commotion stirred me awake. Many voices came into my hearing but I was so weak I could not even lift my head up to see what was going on. My eyes drifted closed, exhausted._

_ Then I felt weightless. _

_Finally, I am dead. Smiling to myself. _

_"Hold on okay honey, we are going to get you help." A man's voice spoke but it did not sound like my papa's or my uncles, and it was speaking fractured German. Slowly opening my eyes I stared into what could only be sapphires. Pure blue sapphires staring right back at me. _

_"What is going on?" My voice cracked. I could barely speak, but realized he could not understand me. _

_"It's going to be okay. The Americans are here and we are going to take everyone out of here. You don't have to be afraid anymore." His voice was smooth, it reminded me of one of aunt's silk dresses. _

_Only then did I realize this man was carrying me. I was not dead after all. _

_What could God have planned for me if I was not supposed to die here. _

_My eyes became weighted and I shut my eyes again. _

_The next time I remember really waking up I was in hospital in Germany dreaming of those eyes. _

He remembered me. I could feel it. You do not forget anyone under those circumstances.

"Chief could I have a few minutes alone with this woman." Even after all these years I never learned his name.

There was a pause, "Sure." Suddenly I was following this man into a small room with a table and chairs and closed the door. He turned around to face me.

"You remember me, I can see it in your face. I can feel it." Whispering to him.

"Of course I remember you. I've never forgotten you." Quietly responding to me.

Question after question wanted to pour out of my mouth but I did not know where to start.

"How...how are you here?" He asked me.

Exhaling, "Long story short, I work with the troupe of performers on the outskirts of town. You brought one of the performers in custody, I am here to take him home. He did not kill anybody."

"The man in the bird costume?" He questioned and I responded with a nod.

"Yes Meep, I need to bring Meep home." Imploring this man who saved me once, to save another life.

The man rubbed his neck torn between what to do, "Please at least let me see him." Pleading with him.

He let out a sigh, "Fine you can see him."

There was a pause, "What is your name?" He whispered to me.

"Madalina Lekeman." I extended my hand.

He shook it, "Deputy Chief Thomas Anderson."

"It is nice to finally know the name of the man who saved me from hell." Quietly replying, "Thank you." It seemed too simple but I did not know what else to say.

Mr. Anderson awkwardly nodded and opened the door for me. I do not blame him, this was incredibly awkward for both of us. He instructed me to wait by the front desk while he went to get Meep.

I felt dizzy. Nothing in my life was as it seemed anymore. What is the coincidence that the place I settle down in has one survivor and the man who saved me from Buchenwald, who happens to work at the police station?

Fate was being a bit too obvious for me.

Moments later Mr. Anderson appeared with Meep. My heart clenched tight as I took in the sight of him. He was bloody, very bloody, his costume torn, appearing to be have beaten repeatedly.

When he saw me he ran straight to me. I dropped to my knees and embraced him tightly. He was shaking violently.

"Hush little one it is alright now, I am here. I will get you out of here." Whispering soothingly to him as I held him tighter.

"Meep meep meep meep meep." He cried to me.

"What is he doing out of the cell?" Chief Colquitt boomed at Mr. Anderson and myself.

Stepping in quick to cover Mr. Anderson, "This man has been beaten!" I shouted at him, "What are you being allowed to be done to him?" Lividly questioning him.

"He is getting what he deserves!" The Chief yelled back.

"What he deserves?" Inquiring angrily, "Are you still telling me you believe that Meep is responsible for those murders, because it is just absurd."

"Or are you so idiotic you are willing to let your supposed murder be wrongfully killed before he ever stands trial?" Smirking at him and his face steamed red.

"Get out of my station!" He once again commanded me.

I stood up, frightening Meep but I soothed him with a kiss on the head and wrapped my arm around him as he clung to my legs.

"Not. Without. Meep." Seething at him, "I will not back down. Not from you or any other crude, barbarian who blames others for their problems and thinks they can get away with it scott free." Adding, "You know that you do not have a case here Chief, not from one small, shiny piece of metal."

"She's right sir." Mr. Anderson added quietly and mentally I cheered for him standing up even in that small way.

Long moments of silence passed and passed as I stood straight and stared the Chief right in the eyes, telling him I meant business.

"Fine you want him, then you can pay the little freaks bail!" The Chief exploded with frustration.

"Then I will pay the bail." Sternly replying, "And if it not too much trouble could I please have a First Aid kit to clean up Meep." Sweetly adding with a cheery smile, just for Chief Colquitt.

More silence, "Get the lady the First Aid kit." He hissed at the man behind the desk.

"How much is the bail?" Asking as I reached for my purse.

The Chief smiled and my stomach churned, "The bail is one hundred and thirty dollars."

"One hundred and thirty dollars!" Screeching at him. That was almost everything I had.

"Well if you can't pay then I guess this freak is going back into custody." Chief Colquitt roughly yanked Meep away from my legs and he started screaming.

"No! No, no! I can pay! I can pay the bail." I cried at him. He grinned and I felt sick at the enjoyment he was getting out of this.

Sick monster!

He let go of Meep and he ran straight back and clutched back onto my legs. I buried my head down and held him close.

"It is alright my saldus. We will be out of here soon." Kissing his head once more.

The man from the desk came back with the First Aid kit and I roughly snatched it from his arms. Bending down I opened the box and took out disinfectant and started cleaning Meep's cuts.

He whimpered out in pain, "Oh I know my little Meepling, I know it hurts but I have to do it." Calmly telling him. He quieted down after that and I cleaned all of his gashes and cuts, feeling sick at to what these men let happen to someone as defenseless as Meep.

Putting the last band aid on him I smiled, "All done saldainiukas." His mood seemed to lighten as he giggled at me.

Slowly I stood up and handed the Fit over to Mr. Anderson. Our eyes locked with each others. His was full of many questions, as I am sure mine were as well. Turning away from him I opened my purse and pulled out my pouch. It was killing me to have to hand over almost everything I had.

But then I looked back at Meep and his smile towards me and I knew I would do this over and over again if I had too.

Paying all the money I grabbed Meep's hand and walked him towards the door, "Come on saldainiukas, let us go home." Grinned at him and he started laughing.

I opened the door but took one last look at Chief Colquitt, "You would have done so well in the SS." I seethed at him. I caught Mr. Anderson's eyes one more time before walking out of the station with Meep.


	9. Coming Home

I took Meep into the drugstore and bought him a bottle of Coca Cola as a reward for how brave he had been through everything. He happily drank it on our walk back to camp, all the while he never let go of my hand. As we were walking I told him about my childhood in Lithuania, all the good times with my family. Meep smiled and giggled at my stories every now and then adding bubbly, "Meep." To the conversation.

The closer we approached the camp the more I could feel the restless spirit inhabiting it. When we passed through the gates I heard someone shout, "She's back!"

Looking around I tried to find the source of the voice but my attention was drawn elsewhere. Almost everyone from the camp came out and started for me.

"Lina where have you been?" Miss Ethel scolded, "You have gave us all a fright, and nearly scared Paul to death he's...Oh my God!" She exclaimed when she finally saw Meep holding my hand.

As they drew nearer to me and Meep everyone gasped upon us with wide eyes, not truly believing in the sight before them.

"I guess we figured out where you were." Paul stammered at me.

"How...how?" Jimmy questioned stunned.

Smiling I told him, "I marched right down to that station and had a few choice words with that Police Chief. I told him I was not going to leave without Meep." Giggling, "I suppose he got sick of my yelling because he released Meep to me."

"I am pretty sure Meep will not have anymore problems with them." Seriously telling them all, they looked skeptical at first but then they relaxed, relieved.

Miss Elsa came up to me and hugged me which startled me for a moment but it passed as I hugged her back, "My dear liebe girl, I do not know how to thank you. You have saved one of our own." She pulled back to look into my eyes, "One of _your_ own."

My throat felt thick as I tried to swallow the tears, "Thank you Miss Elsa." I whispered to her. Letting go I quickly wiped away a few stray tears that managed to escape and turned back to Meep.

"Come on mielasis, you have had a long day. How about we try and get some rest?" Asking him. Meep gave me a shy nod and I realized how exhausted he must have been. He took my hand and we walked to his trailer, "I will be back soon." My eyes caught Paul's and I gave him a tiny smile before disappearing into his trailer.

It was tiny but I knew a man like Meep did not need much. The trailer was filled with various knick knacks and collections. His shelves were stacked with rocks, dried flowers, feathers, various shiny pieces of metal. Smiling to myself seeing these things made me happy, Meep wanted for little in life.

"Come on mielasis, let us get that dirty costume off you." I helped Meep out of what remained of his costume. Surveying it I prayed I would be able to get the blood stains out and mend all the tears to it. I placed it by the door so I would not forget it when I left.

"Climb into bed and I will tuck you in." I grinned to him and he giggled as he climbed into bed. Tucking in his blanket swelled me with a happiness in a heart that I could not describe.

"Do you want me to sing you a song to help you sleep?" I asked him sitting by him on his bed.

"Meep." He joyfully yawned as he eyes started to droop.

I began singing one of the lullabies my mother would always sing me to sleep with only I sang it in English,

_Little one, little one_  
_hush baby_  
_my precious one, my little one_  
_Birds are settling down, lay down the beasts_  
_Time to sleep as well_  
_For little children_  
_Time to sleep as well_  
_For little children_  
_Asleep is now the little sun_  
_Asleep is now the bright one_  
_Time to sleep as well_  
_For little children_  
_Time to sleep as well_  
_For little children_  
_Asleep is now a little bee_  
_Asleep is now the grey one_  
_Time to sleep as well_  
_For little children_  
_Time to sleep as well_  
_For little children_

By the time I had finished Meep was fast asleep. Leaning over I kissed his forehead and tucked him in again, "Sleep well little one."

Quietly I lifted myself off the bed and tiptoed over to the door making sure to grab the costume. Slowly I opened the door and took one last glance at Meep before exiting the trailer.

* * *

After I gently shut the trailer door everyone was on top of me instantly, flooding me with questions.

"Guys, guys let her catch her breath. She's been through enough today without you all bombarding her." Paul stepped between me and everyone else pushing them away so that I could catch my breath. The crowd slowly thinned and became less of a herd.

"I know you all have questions but the only thing that is important is that Meep is safe." Telling them, "Now Meep might be a little fragile these next couple of days and we are going to need to be there for him." Explaining to them.

"What did they do to him?" Jimmy asked but there was a fuming tone to his question.

"They beat him, or allowed other inmates too. Badly. I mean just look at his costume." Gesturing to the piece of what was supposed to be clothing, "When they brought him to me his face was bloody and covered in cuts and wounds. I managed to fix him up a bit though."

"Is that why there's blood on your dress?" Eve asked me. Looking down I did indeed find blood on me. It must have happened whenever I touched Meep. Still the sight of the blood made my hands start to shake.

A wave of exhaustion hit me and I stumbled backwards tripping falling onto the dirt ground. All at once concerns of different varieties started filling my ears, and while the gesture was kind it only made my head hurt.

My eyes closed as a jab of pain shot up to my skull, "Madalina let's get you back to your trailer." Hearing Paul's voice. Suddenly I was being lifted off the ground, wondering who was holding me. Slowly I opened my eyes and found Jimmy staring out in the vicinity of my trailer, taking me there.

"Meep's costume, I have to fix it." Mumbling half awake.

"You can do it tomorrow doll face. Right now you just need some sleep." Looking down at me with a smirk, "Thank you for doing what you did. It took guts." Jimmy gave me a warm smile.

I tried giving him a warm smile back but everything became hazy as the exhaustion finally took over my body.

* * *

When I awoke there was light shinning into my trailer. Rubbing my eyes I reached for my seneliais pocket watch thinking I had taken a nap. I had to rub my eyes twice because the watch said seven-thirty. Quickly I shot up in my bed. Had I really slept through the late afternoon into the morning? I had not had a long nights sleep like that in many, many months.

The blanket that had been placed on me slipped down and I realized I was still in my outfit from yesterday. Getting up out of bed I took off my dress, peeling it from my body with care. I took a shower and cleaned myself up. By the time I got redressed I was feeling faint, I was starving since I had not eaten anything since yesterday morning.

Nothing can compare to the feeling of slowly knowing you are starving to death. That was a feeling I never ever wanted to feel again, because that is what they did in the camps. Starved you to death and when you died some other person took your place.

I promised myself I would never go hungry again. I would never feel that pain again, and my family would never know what that felt like. Gripping my vanity table I tried to steady myself as I let another wave of faintness pass through me. My head felt light and foggy and my bones felt weak and brittle.

There was a knock at my door, "Come in." As I breathed through the blotting darkness.

"Madalina I came to see if you wanted to grab bre-." Paul cut off when I was sure when he saw me I felt him next to instantly, "Madalina are you alright? What's wrong?" Concern flooded his voice.

"I just need food. I have not eaten since yesterday morning." Taking a deep breath as the darkness started to fade, "Paul can you take me to the kitchen so I can make breakfast for everyone. They must be hungry." Feeling guilty that I missed making dinner and breakfast.

Paul looked at me flabbergasted, "Madalina, Eve took care of breakfast. Did you really expect us to make you cook this morning?" Asking me as he stared into my eyes.

I did not know what to say, so I just stared back into his eyes, as I let this warm feeling fill my body.

_'What is happening?'_ Thinking to myself. I had never felt like this before, ever with any man.

I bit my lip out of nerves and I saw Paul's eyes cross with something I did not recognize, he was staring at me differently and for some reason my cheeks flushed deep crimson as I gulped back my nerves.

My concentration was broken when another wave came and I let go of the table. This time the shakes started taking over my hands as I desperately tried to force them to stop.

I hated the shakes. Once they got going they were difficult to stop.

Paul steadied me. I slipped my arm through his and leaned on him for support, "Come on love let's get you some food." Slowly we made our way out of the trailer and took a gradual time to get to the eating grounds.

"Does this happen a lot?" Paul asked me.

Shaking my head, "It only gets bad when I go long periods of not eating anything. First comes foggy, and the groggy hazy of feeling faint. Then the darkness spots that develop when you blink as you try to keep from passing out. Finally the worst part, the shakes. Once they start they are embarrassing and hard to stop." Explaining to Paul as I leaned more against him.

This was the second time I had ever been physically close to a man. If I was not so hungry I might blush again.

"Why does it happen at all?" Inquiring as we took in the sunny day.

"Because of how I grew up." Paul glanced at me knowing he would need more, "When the War came everyone was put on rations and that was hard enough because it always felt like you were never getting enough to feel full. Then when things got worse it got to the point where you were not getting enough and the slow process of starvation set in." Shivering thinking about what I must have weighed at the time of the liberation.

"When the War ended and I finally got back on my feet I made a promise to myself that I would never have to know that feeling again. Nor would anybody that I cared about." Telling him.

By this time in the conversation we had reached the outdoor kitchen. I was greeted with kind smiles and warm welcomes. A little part of me finally started to accept that this was becoming my home now. Paul helped me sit down and Miss Ethel and Eve mothered over me.

"She'll be right as rain as soon as we get some food in her." Paul grinned at me and before I knew it a plate appeared in front of me full to the brim with food.

Thanking Eve and Miss Ethel I quietly began eating my food. Taking my time knowing I could not eat so much at once or I would be sick. That is what happened when the Army men who liberated the camp, gave their K rations to the prisoners. Too much food you are not used too will make you very sick as they learned.

As much as I wanted to shovel every last bite of food into my mouth I knew I would have to be patient. Still it took awhile before the tremors in my hand began to subside.

Halfway through my food I began to feel better. My attention was caught by Meep who came up to me.

"Oh my little Meepling." Grinning at him as I gave him a hug, "You seem to be doing much better." As I surveyed his cuts and bruises.

"Meep." He laughed, thankfully he seemed in better spirits than yesterday. He pulled out something from his pocket and handed it to me. It was a smooth pebble stone.

"Oh thank you Meep." Smiling at him as I gave him a kiss on the forehead, "It is wonderful."

All throughout breakfast Meep kept giving me things. Feathers, some picked flowers, more stones. Every time I accepted with gratitude even if I did feel a little embarrassed.

"Why does Meep keep giving you gift after gift?" Paul questioned as Meep dropped off his latest wildflower flower.

"Oh I guess he just feels grateful that I got him out of jail." Giggling in innocence, but I think the real reason was Meep was trying to pay me back. In some way I think he knew how much it had cost me to set him free and bring him home. I think he felt bad about me having to spend my money on him when he was innocent.

Oh my money. My heart groaned thinking about what I had left. It had taken me such a long time to save up that money and now it would take me longer to gain it back.

But staring at Meep as he ran around in the grass chasing a chick I knew I would not change anything for the world.

* * *

After a long argument between myself, Miss Elsa, and Dell, Meep was excluded from the next few matinees so that he could rest.

Throughout the day Meep followed me everywhere like a puppy, helping me with my chores. At first it was a little awkward but then it became comfortable, it was nice having someone to talk too...even if that person could only respond with one word.

Paul checked up on the two of us constantly and every time he did my stomach felt the flapping of butterflies inside of it. Why did Paul affect me this way? Yes he was handsome, kind, incredibly nice, funny...

Stopping briefly from folding Miss Elsa's laundry I turned to Meep, "Oh Meep do you think I could be developing a crush on Paul? I have never had a crush before, I have never done anything with a man before. I do not know how to do anything!" Rambling to my companion.

"Meep." He laughed as he put more clothes in the basket.

Sighing, "That was really helpful advice mielasis."

The task of our folding was interrupted when I heard the approach of a car. Looking up I saw a blue car drive up to the entrance of the gate and stop. The air in my throat ceased to exist as I saw Mr. Anderson climb out of the car. Immediately he saw me and gulped back the various lumps forming in my throat. For some reason I could not move as he moved from his car and made his way over to were Meep and I were standing. My body could not, would not move. I was frozen.

"Miss Lekeman." Mr. Anderson nodded his head at me and Meep. I felt Meep clutch my legs in panic, "I came here to-"

I cut him off, "You cannot take Meep." Yelling at him, "He has not done anything." Holding Meep closer to me.

Mr. Anderson stared at me with wide eyes, "No, no, no I am not here to take Meep back to the station, as far as we are concerned you are right he is innocent. I just wanted to check up on the both of you." Darting his eyes back and forth between myself and Meep.

I let go of the breath that had built in my chest in a relieved sigh, "We are doing alright thank you Mr. Anderson...though I think that is not the reason why you drove all the way out here." Telling him because his eyes told a different story.

"Could we talk?" He nervously asked me.

After a beat I nodded and bent down to Meep, "My little Meepling thank you so much for your help today." Kissing his head, "Now how about you go lie down and get some rest before dinner." Meep smiled and gave me a hug before running off to his trailer.

Turning back around I was faced with the still nervous Mr. Anderson and it made _me_ nervous, "I suppose we both have a lot of questions for each other..." Trailing off as I kicked the dirt with my shoe.

"Do you want to get dinner and talk about...everything we can?" Mr. Anderson suggested.

Giving him a small smile, "I would like that. Let me just go tell Miss Elsa." Walking away from him I went into Miss Elsa's tent.

"Miss Elsa?" I questioned hoping she would be here.

"Yes my darling." She answered back as I found her at her vanity table.

"A...um..." Pausing I was wondering how I was going to phrase this.

"What is it my dear?" Turning around to talk to me.

Clearing my throat, "The police officer that released Meep to me is here. He wants to take me out to eat as a sorry for what happened." Fibbing a partial white lie, "Deputy Chief Anderson seems like a nice man and he would be good to have on our side in case anything else happens." Explaining hoping she would give me a reason to go and it was not a lie. If anything else did happen it would be nice to have Mr. Anderson in our corner.

There were stretches of silence while I waited for Miss Elsa's answer. They way she studied me made me want to tug at my dress sleeves.

"You're right it is a good idea to have him. You may go with him but if are not back within two hours I am sending Jimmy into town to find you." Sternly responding to me like a mother would and I fought the urge to smile at her.

"Thank you Miss Elsa, I promise I will be back within two hours." Giving her a tiny smile that slipped through the cracks, "Do you think you could have Eve check up on Meep and make sure he gets dinner?" Asking her.

"It will be done my liebe." Nodding before returning back to her mirror.

Leaving the tent I found Mr. Anderson in the same place I left him, "Let us go and have dinner."

His smile was anxious no doubt mimicking his insides. I was anxious too, yet I felt a firm determination as I climbed into the car ready to get some answers.


	10. Dinner With Consequences

The car ride to town was quick, but it felt like it dragged on in a weighed down silence. Every time I thought about opening my mouth to say something, anything I did not. Nothing would come out and what was I supposed to say? Every so often I glanced at Mr. Anderson, I had to keep reassuring myself that he was real. That is was real and this was not a dream and nor myself or Mr. Anderson were going anywhere.

A few times when I was glancing at him his eyes caught mine and every time that happened I bit my lip a little more harder than before. Why did I agree to do this? What was I thinking, us trying to talk everything out that had happened.

This was going to be an awkward dinner.

We did not speak when we pulled up to the diner and I only uttered a small thank you as he opened my door for me. It was only when we had sat down at the most secluded booth in the diner did Mr. Anderson speak as I was studying the menu.

"What are you getting?" Asking me.

I shrugged my shoulders, "I do not know. I am not used to American food so I am not sure what to get." Truthfully speaking to him.

He smiled, "I suggest a good old burger and fries."

Giving him a small smile I nodded as the waitress came over to take our order. She turned to me and I glanced at Mr. Anderson, "A burger and fries." Letting out a giggle.

After she left the silence started to settle again.

"So how old were you when you joined the Army?" Breaking the feared silence.

"The Army snatched me up at eighteen but it took me awhile before I made it to the 6th Armored Division. By the time I entered the Division I was twenty-one."

"You are twenty eight now?" Inquiring as the waitress set down our drinks.

Mr. Anderson smirked, "Yes ma'am I am. How old are you if you don't mind me asking."

"I am twenty, in a few months I will be twenty-one. I was eleven when we got sent to Buchenwald." Quietly responding before taking a sip of my water.

The silence appeared again but I was determined to keep it at bay, "Is being a police officer something you have always wanted to do Mr. Anderson?" Politely questioning him.

He laughed, "Mr. Anderson is my father, please call me Thomas."

A blush spread to my cheeks, "Okay Thomas."

"To answer your question, yes I have always to be an officer. You see my father was cop and I grew up idolizing him and what he stood for. I remember thinking to myself when I was a kid, 'Wow I am going to be that someday.' He died in the line of duty when I was away during the War." Thomas quietly spoke the last sentence.

Lifting my hand I gently laid it upon his, "I am so sorry for your loss Thomas, but I know that your father is proud of you and what you have become." Earnestly speaking to him.

He gave me this quizzical stare and I wondered if I had said or done something wrong, "You are giving your condolences to me? What about you? How many did the Nazi's take from you?" Thomas squeezed my hand.

Closing my eyes for a brief moment I hesitated to answer but this man had saved my life and I knew I had to tell him. He was just as much in the War as I was.

"Everybody except for my cousin Petras and myself. We were the only two that survived when the end came." Softly replying to him, "After I was released from the hospital in Germany hundreds of survivors like myself tried in vain and desperation to see if any of their loved ones had survived the camps."

My lip began trembling and I had to bite it hard to keep it still, "I knew my momma and my aunts were dead but I thought maybe my papa, my uncle, or my cousin had survived. I did not even try looking for my little cousins or my grandparents. I learned at the camps that after our arrival at Auschwitz they had been sent to the gas chambers." Tears slipped down my face as the anguish began clawing in my chest.

I looked up at Thomas. Other than Eliezer and Petras I never talked to anyone about what had happened. I did not anyone's pity or for them to stare at me like all I was, was six numbers.

Or worse for people not to believe me at all. That would hurt more than anything because everybody being oppressed in Europe screamed for help and rarely was anybody heard.

But the fear in my chest rested and turned into something I could not describe for when I looked into Thomas's eyes I did not see pity. I saw a sense of understanding, perhaps because we both had experienced Buchenwald. What we all must have looked like to those unknowing, innocent soldiers when they first came upon the camp.

"When you found me I was ready to die. I was ready to join my mama and my aunts, and the rest of my family but I was unaware of that fact when you found me. I wanted to die. For the suffering to be over, I did not understand why the resistance chose to hide me but they did."

Pausing I took in some air before continuing, "When you lifted me into your arms I thought I was dead, that I was floating out of my body completely weightless. The thought made me smile until I heard your fractured German in my ears and reality crashed me back to earth. Opening my eyes I stared into the purest blue sapphire eyes I had ever seen. I tried speaking to you but I realized you could not understand me speaking in Lithuanian."

"Jesus I didn't even know where you were from." Speaking in a dazed amazement as he ran a hand through his sandy blond hair.

We stared at each other, "We have been through much yet know so little." Confessing as I stared back at my drink.

Moment after moment passed before I dryly chuckled, "I thought your voice sounded like silk, reminding me of one of aunts glamorous dresses. As you were carrying me I wondered what God had planned for me if I was to not die in the camp. I passed out and the next thing I remembered was waking up in a German hospital two weeks later, dreaming of your jewel eyes."

The waitress brought our food to the table but I did not feel hungry anymore. The depressing and morbid always makes you loose your appetite.

"Tell me something good, something else. Something happy. Do you have a wife? A family?" I asked him.

He laughed, "No, no work doesn't allow me much time for a social life and no woman wants to be seen with a mug like mine." Thomas grinned.

"Why not?" Smiling at him, "You are quite handsome after all." Gasping as I let that last part slip out. My cheeks instantly flushed a deep crimson. My embarrassment only deepened as Thomas let out more of his laughter.

Staring down at my plate in annoyance I picked up what I believed must have been my hamburger and took a bite.

My eyes widened as I chewed and swallowed this magnificent piece of food.

When I finished swallowing my first bite I turned to Thomas whose face was extended in a wide grin, "Told you it was good."

Smiling I made a mental note to write to Eliezer and tell him about this food called a hamburger.

The rest of the dinner passed by in a flurry of laughs, smiles and good memories shared. The awfulness of the past stayed away for a little while as we got to enjoy ourselves.

* * *

Thomas drove me back to the campgrounds after our dinner and stroll and around town. I decided I liked being in Thomas's presence, he was lovely company to have and easier to talk to than I expected.

Pulling to a stop at the main gate Thomas got out of the car and went over to my door opening it for me.

"What a gentleman thank you Thomas." Grinning at him as I took his outstretched hand and he smiled back.

The camp was quiet as the late evening was slowly turning into nightfall. I offered Thomas a tour around the campgrounds since I expected most of the troupe to be occupied in their trailers or tents.

Or so I thought, "Madalina there you are." Paul came walking towards me smiling but his demeanor suddenly changed when he saw Thomas standing beside me.

"Eve said you went out to dinner." Paul was eyeing Thomas up and down but I could not out why?

"Yes, Paul this is Deputy Chief Thomas Anderson. Thomas this is Paul, he is one of the amazing performers in the show." Introducing them to one another. Thomas nodded with a friendly smile and extended his hand but Paul shrugged it off.

My brow furrowed in frustration and confusion at Paul's attitude, "Paul, Thomas was the one who helped me get Meep out of jail." Explaining to him hoping that would change his attitude.

It did not, "Yeah I'm sure he's a real nice bloke." Paul huffed out staring intently at Thomas.

There was a long, painfully awkward silence between the three of us. The tension coming off of Paul was enough to fill the main tent.

Thomas cleared his throat, "I should be getting back to town I have a few things to finish up at the station." I did not know how much of that was true but I accepted the excuse to leave none the less.

"Thank you so much for dinner Thomas I had a wonderful time." Smiling at him.

He smiled back, "No problem, it was a lovely evening. Goodnight Madalina, tell Meep I said hello." He turned to Paul, "Goodnight sir." Nodding and walked back towards his car.

It was only when he was driving away from the camp did Paul finally speak, "The nerve of that man coming into our home." Spitting out.

I was shocked, "Paul what is wrong with you? You were incredibly rude to Thomas." Frustratingly telling him.

"Madalina he's a copper and you can't trust coppers." Paul responded.

"Look I know the apprehension everyone has about the police and they have a right too because of the way you have all been treated but Thomas is not like that. He is a good man, if it was not for him I may not have been able to get Meep out of jail." Calmly trying to explain to him.

"Jesus you have dinner with him once and you think he holds the bloody moon." Paul nastily snapped at me.

Now I was starting to get upset, "Paul what are you so angry about? I had dinner with a friend it is not that big a deal."

"Oh so you two are friends now. Isn't that just lovely." He started shouting.

"Stop getting so upset! What am I not allowed to have friends? When did you suddenly become my master and commander?" Yelling back at him.

"Well maybe somebody should be in charge of you because clearly you don't make the smartest choices in your life!" Paul yelled out into the open air.

"Do not lecture me about my life choices!" Roaring at him which startled him a bit, "You have not been in my shoes and you never will be. You do not know anything about my life or the secrets I keep within it so do not tell me what to do or do not do!"

There was a pause and the only sound was our heavy breathing.

"I guess Thomas will just be another one of your dirty little secrets. Just like all the rest of them." Paul spoke coldly and his words felt like a slap in the face.

I bit my lip to keep from crying. He turned around without so much as a glance towards me and walked away from me leaving an icy chill in his wake.

Wrapping my arms around myself I let the tears fall as I softly started to cry.


	11. Strange Celebrations

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* * *

I spent hours in Eve and Ma Petite's trailer crying over what happened with Paul. I felt bad that I was crowding their space and bothering them but they said not to worry. I was of no bother they said and that Paul would come to his senses quickly and all would be forgiven.

That was a week ago.

Paul and I were still not speaking.

For awhile every time I looked at him or for a few times caught him staring at me my chest compacted in pain and heartache. But then after a few days I became angry and rather annoyed. I had done nothing wrong, it was Paul who flew off the handle. It was Paul who said hurtful things to me and then just walked away.

Now I fear I was becoming resentful of him and feeling stupid at myself for letting someone in and they turn around and hurt me. I had suffered through much pain in my short life and I did not want or need anymore of it.

The only thing keeping my mind occupied was setting up for a holiday known as "Halloween", or "All Hallows Eve" that is celebrated in America. Eve and Miss Ethel tried explaining it to me but it did not make much sense at all. We needed to decorate everything in orange and black colors, and there were a lot of witches, mummies, black cats, ghosts etc. And children go door to door dressed up and receive free candy.

To me it seemed foolish to believe in scary witches and black cats and fake frightening monsters.

When the real monsters are alive and out in the real world, just waiting to strike. I have come face to face with real monsters and in all fairness Halloween did not scare me like it was supposed too.

Though the day of Halloween, standing in the main tent everyone seemed to be having a good time...even Paul. Yet a celebration like this only reminded me of the fact that I was a stranger in this land. Unknown to their customs and traditions. Maybe that is why I was standing alone and reserved, away from everyone as they had fun.

Jimmy came up next to me, "You okay?"

Shrugging my shoulders I caught a brief glance at Paul who was trying to get the twins involved in apple bobbing, a game which did not make any sense to me whatsoever.

Jimmy caught my stare at Paul, "He'll come around. He is just stubborn that's all. Paul cares about you."

"Well what he said to me did not sound like he cared about me at all." A harshness in my reply as I looked away.

There was a pause, "You not gunna to join in on the fun?" Jimmy asked me.

I shook my head, "No, Halloween is strange to me. It is not my custom to celebrate, it only reminds me that I am a stranger in America. It makes me long for the traditions of my own country." My voice strained as I swallowed the emotion in my throat.

"What did you guys do back home? Anything like this?" He asked taking a seat and I took one next to him as we watched the others. Meep was running around playing with a balloon and it brought a small smile to my face.

"Sort of. The spiritual part Halloween that appears to be accustomed to this day is something similar to what we do in Lithuania but our celebration is called All Saints Day and All Souls Day. It lasts two days spanning from November 1st to November 2nd." Telling him.

"Sounds interesting." Jimmy mused interested.

"It is, but it is very different than all this." Gesturing to the room of fun and games, "The days are peaceful, quiet, and reflective over the ones we have lost. People go out the cemeteries and put lit candles on the tombs and headstones of loved ones. They also do it on unvisited tombstones, people reflect and say prayers in the belief that this will keep the link between the living and the dead. On All Souls Day the souls come home for a short while."

The grief suddenly hit me like a wall. Unexpected and unknowing leaving you always frightened that it could happen so suddenly at any moment just from talking or thinking about one thing.

I hated when the grief came unexpectedly.

My throat suddenly became dry and tight. A heated warmth spread throughout my body and hot tears sprung to my eyes as I clutched my chest for air.

"Lina?" Jimmy rose from his chair questioned me with concern.

"I cannot breathe." My chest heaved in short bursts of air as my lungs screamed for more oxygen.

Jimmy crouched down and brought his cool hand to warm cheek as I tried to focus but it was a losing battle. The grief was threatening to consume me.

I sprang from my seat catching the attention of some of the others. "Excuse me." Flustering my words as I ran from the tent and did not stop til I was sitting on a log in the grass clearing sobbing my chest out.

I did not have a tombstone to visit or any candles to light. Like so many others from the War I had nothing to mourn the loss of my loved ones. Nothing but a gaping hole within ones body always threatening to swallow you whole.

My family like many others were buried in mass graves, or left out to rot til they were nothing but bones. Or even worse were taken to the crematorium and turned into ash.

The last thought brought my hand to my mouth as I tried to push down the bile rising from my stomach.

I would never be able to bury my papa and mama in graves of their own. I would never visit them in Lithuania and light candles for them. Causing me to sob til it felt like I had nothing left in me.

"Madalina?" A voice sounded softly behind me, one I knew all too well. Yet I was in no state to deal with him.

"What Paul?" Grumbling at him as I wiped the tears off my face.

"I just came to see if you were okay?"

Rising off of the log the fury that had been lying dormant inside of me started to fuel, "Okay? Okay? You want to know if I am okay! Paul you have not spoken to me in a week, you have been avoiding me like the plague. All because you were mad that I had dinner with Thomas." Shouting at him.

"Fine I won't ever inquire about you again if that's what you fancy!" Paul yelled turning his back on me.

"That is right just walk away again!" Screeching at him.

Paul turned back around.

"You know when I came to Jupiter and I met everyone here never did I once think you would be the one to turn your back on me." Icily telling him.

Moments passed, nothing was said but our eyes were locked in a vicious battle for control.

"This time I will be the one to walk away from you." Hissing at him I stomped away from him and did not look back.

* * *

When I got back to the tent everyone was still celebrating.

"Should we not be preparing for the show?" I asked Jimmy. For some reason the whole room became quiet.

"The show?" Suzi questioned me staring at me like _I_ was the one in the room with two heads.

"It's Halloween." Eve blanched as if I were an idiot.

"So?" Dot asked.

"No freak performs on Halloween. Any idiot knows that." Miss Ethel came into the tent explaining to me and her tone of voice did make me feel slightly moronic. She sat down at the table and began pouring herself a drink. My eyes went wide as I looked to Jimmy who was doing the same. Miss Ethel never drank. Ever. And she had never spoken to anyone like that.

"It's not fair. They're new, they don't know about that old superstition." Jimmy responded back defending us carefully watching his mother.

"Not superstition. It's true." Shot back determined as she took a sip of her drink.

"What is?" Bette innocently inquired.

"Why we don't perform on Halloween. On accounts of Edward Mordrake." Eve answered Bette.

"Who?"I was becoming confused.

"Edward Mordrake. Aristocrat who lived in the middle 1800s. He was heir to all kinds of titles, could've been a duke or a lord or some shit, things had been different." Miss Ethel began what I knew was going to be an interesting story.

She paused, "Things are never different." Miss Ethel said sadly before taking another drink

"An Englishman of noble birth, Edward was a young man with fine attainments. He was a scholar. He was a poet. Musician of rare ability."

"So what was wrong with him?" Bette asked Miss Ethel.

"He had another face on the back of his head. Hideous as a devil. No one else could hear what it said, but it whispered to Edward incessantly of things only spoken of in hell. He tried to kill it, many times in many ways. But it wouldn't die." My throat was suddenly becoming dry again.

"So what happened to him?" I croaked out.

"He went mad. His family had him committed to the crazy house at Bedlam. Truth be told, they were only too happy to have the family freak banished from sight. In the crazy house, he wrote poetry. Worked on an unfinished opera. Anything to keep his mind off the demon whisperings, but he never got any relief. It was telling him to do things. Commanding him." She paused.

I glanced around the room noticing she had everyone enveloped in the story.

"One night, Edward escaped the asylum, and he ended up where we all do. At the freak show. They billed him as the Two Faced Prince. And he'd show off all the refined skills he'd learned as the scion of one of England's grand families."

"And he was happy? He'd found a home with others like himself." Dot asked hopefully but I had a feeling this story did not have a happy ending like she wanted.

"There was no one like Edward. He wasn't happy. One Halloween night, Edward snapped. He murdered every freak in the troupe. And then he hung himself. Legend has it that even in death, the demon face was smiling."

"So, we don't perform on Halloween night out of respect?" Slowly questioning.

"Out of fear, darling. If any freak performs on Halloween, they summon the spirit of Edward Mordrake and his demon half-face. Once he appears, he never leaves alone." Paul answered me making me jump slightly. When did he get back?

"That whispering face will choose one more freak to take with him back to hell." Ominously replying.

"What a bunch of bunk! What are you trying to scare them for?" Jimmy started yelling at his mother.

"It's not bunk. It's true." Miss Ethel shouted at Jimmy.

"I can swear to it." She announced and everyone perked up to listen.

"In '32, when I was with Barnum, they made us perform on Halloween. Well something visited the circus grounds that night, 'cause the next morning, Clyde Hendershot, the astounding human cannonball, all three feet, four inches of him, was found hanging in his caravan." A gasp escaped me.

"Yup. His head twisted clean around. His dead eyes staring backwards. A smile on his face. Just like Edward Mordrake's second face." Miss Ethel finished.

I turned around and walked out of the tent. I had, had enough of this story. Outside the tent I was trying to compose myself, I do not know why but the tale of Edward Mordrake unnerved me.

From the other side of the tent flaps I heard Miss Ethel and Jimmy start to argue.

"Hey." Jimmy spoke a hint of annoyance and anger in his voice.

"What?" Miss Ethel was clearly annoyed.

"What the hell was all that about?" He demanded to her.

"Carny lore." She simply answered.

"Not that. The drinking! Ma, you swore off the stuff." Quietly shouting at her.

"Well, I'm swearing back on." Miss Ethel responded mockingly which I thought was mean and not at all like her.

"Why? What is it...Dell? You been on edge ever since he got here." Jimmy gently questioned.

"You don't know shit!" Miss Ethel growled at her son, "Matter of fact, I'm glad he's here. We need a man around this dump. Means you're free to go."

There was a short pause, "Oh, don't give me that look. You know you been itching to take off." I held my breath as I shrank back against the curtain as I heard her leave. Praying she would not see me. Thankfully she did not.

I stared at Miss Ethel as she was slowly fading from my sight. Oh Miss Ethel what in the world was wrong?

* * *

I went in search of Jimmy after the argument with his mother. I found him digging by the entrance.

"Hi." Softly coming up to him.

"Hey." Jimmy replied and I could tell he was withdrawn.

"Are you alright Jimmy?" Truthfully asking him knowing he would get what I was asking.

"Not really." He shook his head, "I have no idea why ma is acting this way. I thought it was cause of Dell but now...I don't know Lina." Jimmy sighed.

"Usually there is a deeper problem. She is probably just taking her frustration out on you." Biting my lip hoping to comfort him.

We were interrupted when we heard a car approach. A yellow taxi cab pulled up to the entrance and stopped. Jimmy and I stared at each other before the passenger stepped out.

A wannabe is what Miss Elsa would have referred to her. Blond hair in curls, and vibrant red lips to match. She was beautiful in what Eliezer would have called an obvious way.

"We're closed there is no show today." Jimmy told her as she grabbed hold of her suitcase.

Oh no.

"Oh I'm not a customer. I'm looking for a job." She sweetly spoke.

For some reason my gut churned. I stared at this woman intensely. I did not even know her but everything inside me was telling me not to trust her.

"Here?" Jimmy questioned her like she was out of her mind, "You made a mistake." Telling her.

"Believe me you do not belong here." Scoffing at her.

"I came all the way from Philadelphia. My name is Mystic Miss Esmeralda." Rolling my eyes at her stage name. This was going to be good.

She smiled a charming smile at Jimmy, "I'm a fortune teller." I snorted at this information.

To quote Jimmy, what a bunch of bunk. Eyeing Esmeralda I knew this 'chick' was going to be trouble.

* * *

Jimmy went to bring Mystic Miss Esmeralda to Miss Elsa to see if she was good enough to join troupe. Fortune telling what a bunch of šūdas, none of it was real, and there were actual people with the power to predict the future why would they be in a place like Jupiter, Florida?

Something definitely did not smell right.

But I had bigger problems to tackle. I went in search to find Miss Ethel to talk to her. After searching her tent and the whole of the grounds I finally found her sitting in a chair by the lake. Drinking.

Dell was walking away from her.

I stopped him, "Is she drunk?"

"If she ain't drunk then I ain't a strong man." He sarcastically replied before leaving.

Taking a deep breath I steadied myself determined to find out what was going on with Miss Ethel.

"Miss Ethel." Speaking as I walked up and stood in front of her.

She instantly became annoyed, "Whatda want?"

"To find out what is going on with you." Stating to her.

She snorted, "Ain't nothing wrong with me. Just enjoying life." As she took another drink out of her flask.

That irked at me, "You are drinking. You never drink."

"Well now I am. Now scram and leave me be." Raising her flask to her lips again.

I was good and fuming now. Reaching out I snatched the flask from her hand. She started a whole vary of curses as I calmly walked to the edge of the lake and threw the flask into the water. Emitting a splashing pop sound as it hit the water and sunk to the bottom.

Walking back to Miss Ethel she was fitting to slap me, "What the hell did ya do that for! I don't chuck your shit into the lake." She shouted at me.

"You do not need to be drinking again! Whatever problems you have, you will not find at the bottom of a bottle. If you let me help you we can figure something out." Telling her.

"No help for a dying woman is there!" Miss Ethel screeched back and my breath caught in my throat.

"What?" Whispering not wanting it to be real.

"That's right. Got me about six months to a year left, or that's what they told me." Huffing out crossing her arms.

I shook my head, "Oh Miss Ethel." Sighing as I stared out onto the lake, "What do you have?" Softly inquiring.

"Cirrhosis of the liver. Looks like all that drinking I did is finally gunna do me in." She snorted.

Blanching at her, "Then why in the world are you drinking now!"

She just shrugged and said, "Might as well speed up the process."

Now I was furious at her. For long moments all I did was stare at her. Completely struck by how angry I was.

"What are you gawking at now?" She snapped at me.

"You are so selfish Miss Ethel." Seething at her.

Her head swung at me as she narrowed her eyes, "Excuse me?"

"I said you are selfish. Here you are literally trying to drink yourself into a grave and not even thinking once about your son." Speaking to her.

"Jimmy don't need me and he don't want to be here neither. If he wants to go then let him go!" She grumbled.

Sighing I took a seat in the dirt next to her chair, "That is not true Miss Ethel. Every child deep down still wants their parents. Even when they are old and grey. You still have time." Choking as the tears creeped out from my eyes.

Miss Ethel stared at me, "You still have time with you son. Still have time to fight and make up and fight some more. Still time for memories, laughter and tears. The worst thing you could do right now Miss Ethel is push your son away when now is the time to be spending all the more time with him."

"Somethin' you know personally 'ey." She spoke quietly.

I let the tears fall from my face wetting the dry dirt beneath me, "I would give anything, anything in the world to have one more minute with my papa and mama. One more minute to say I love you. To say I am sorry. To see them laugh, cry or smile. For them to hold me one last time." Covering my mouth with my hand to stifle a sob as I tried to push the memory of my mamas' death out of my head.

A quiet minute passed, "You have what I do not and never will have Miss Ethel. You still have time to see your son turn into something great. A child needs their parents guidance even if they will not admit. Do not give up on your son yet Miss Ethel. If anything live this time for him."

"Or if you really do not care you can get up and go get yourself another drink and start finishing your decent into your grave." Honestly speaking to her.

Minutes passed and nothing was said. We both just sat and stared out at the lake. Lost in our own private thoughts.

Miss Ethel stayed rooted in her seat.


	12. A Disturbing Halloween Night

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* * *

By the time nightfall had arrived I was completely exhausted, physically and emotionally. After putting up the decorations and the Halloween celebrations, coupled with the haunted ghost stories...then remembering my own ghosts...

I had made up my mind that I was not overly fond of the Halloween holiday.

Slowly I made my way to my trailer, taking in the surprisingly warm autumn evening. The moon was clear and full providing ample light. When I reached the steps of my home I suddenly stopped. Something compelled me to turn around. Green mist flooded the camp grounds, sudden and without warning.

My stomach churned.

Out of the green mist appeared a man dressed in refinery. I could not scream even if I had wanted too. I could not run even if I wanted too. My feet were rooted into the earth from where I stood.

The silence became deafening until I could take it no longer.

"Who are you?" Whispering into the darkness.

A smile appeared from his stoic face, mostly covered by his large top hat, "I think you already know my dear."

My bones chilled, "Mr. Edward Mordrake I presume." Trying and failing not to let my voice croak.

Someone must have practiced today. I do not even believe it. Maybe it was all an elaborate dream from the story before?

"I can assure you my dear this is not a dream." He smiled once more.

"You will not take me. I am not yours to claim. My soul is my own." Defiantly telling him as I mustered up as much courage as I could.

He slowly began to circle me like he was the hunter and I was his prey, "Is that right Madalina?" Edward softly questioned me and I could feel his breath on my neck. For a moment I stopped breathing.

The green mist came towards me more, trying to trap me, "You don't feel guilty for your sins?" He questioned me.

"We all have sins to bear." Answering him as I stared straight ahead into the night.

"So you have no ill feelings about killing your family?" I could hear the wicked smile in his tone. He touched my shoulder and I was consumed up by the mist. Breathless I opened my eyes only to stare into the eyes of the dead.

Swinging my body wildly I tried to reason with myself.

_He was doing this. He wants to break you. Do not let him win._

He had transported me back to Buchenwald.

The lifeless faces of the living shuffled about me as they moved from one place to the next. There blue stripped rags hanging off their starving bodies.

"I did not kill my family." Turning every which way to find him.

"But you did. What did you do to help any of them? You yourself have said that you were not brave. You did not fight. You let them die." Edward whispered into my ear.

Suddenly the dead shuffled towards me. Their arms stretched out trying to reach me, trying to claim me. My arm started to sting. Looking down, my tattoo was not its usual black ink, but blood. Thick red blood, dripping down my left arm. Still as fresh like the moment I got it. Except of the six numbers I was accustomed to seeing were not on my arm.

In its place was the word, 'Murderer.'

My stomach churned as I tried not to get sick.

The dead were getting closer. Their voices loud and together as one, beckoning me to come to them. It seemed impossible to drown them out.

Edward yanked my arm up and forced it into my face, "This, this is what you are Madalina." He roared at me.

"No! No I am not a murderer!" Screeching back at him, yanking my arm back. The voices became defining.

Sinking to the ground I covered my ears, "Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!" Screaming as my eyes sealed shut and curled myself into a ball on the dusty ground, "I am not a murderer! I am not a murderer!" Crying to myself.

"No you are not mano mažai paukštis." A single voice broke through.

Everything became silent.

My little bird, that was always his pet name for me. My heart stilled. Could it really be?

I opened my eyes to find myself alone and no longer surrounded. The hoards of the dead had gone. Staring down at my left arm the blood was gone, and the six numbers back in its place.

Glancing up into the clear space everything in my body just stopped working.

"Papa." The sound barely above a whisper.

My papa did not look like the dead I had seen. He appeared healthy and strong, glowing in a bright light. My papa looked like he did before the war began. He looked like himself again.

I do not know how I stood myself back up but somehow I did, and then I was standing in front of my papa.

Tears were falling down my face but my papa just gave me this look of understanding.

"I am sorry." Croaking out as the tears flooded my throat.

"What about mano mažai paukštis?" He simply asked.

"For not saving you." Sobbing clutching my chest, "Or mama, or any of them."

My papa raised his hand and stroked my cheek. My eyes fluttered shut at the touch. What a beautiful dream this was.

"We were not yours to save mano mažai paukštis, you were a child. There was nothing you could have done, and if you had tried you would been be here with us than out in life." Papa spoke softly to me.

He gave me a tiny smile, "And having you here with me and mama is more of a heartbreaking thought than I could fathom."

"But I want to be with you." Lightly crying as he wiped away my tears.

"We are always with you. We live in you, and as long as you carry us with you and remember, we are never really gone." Papa leaned forward, "Your mama and I are so deeply proud of you mano mažai paukštis. Be happy and live, not only for you but for us." Whispering to me.

He kissed my head and my eyes closed once more savoring the feeling, wishing I could tuck it away forever.

When I opened my eyes for the first time in my life I had felt deeply disappointed that I was not in Buchenwald. Gone was the camp and its ghosts. Gone was Edward Mordarke. And gone was my papa.

I sat on my steps and cried for a long time still feeling his kiss on my forehead.

* * *

After I had cried my tears for my family I sat on my steps thinking about my papa, and the weight that had been lifted off my soul. My family did not blame me for their deaths. And deep down in my heart I think I knew that too.

Sighing I smiled at the fact that Edward Mordrake had come for my soul, but I beat him. He could not take me.

My head snapped up. The hairs on my body stood up. Something was off.

Scanning the surroundings I stopped when I saw an almost gone trail of green mist leading into the forest.

Before I knew what I was doing I was up off my steps and following the mist into the deep forest. It was pulling me into the night. Pulling me to something.

I do not know how far deep into the forest I had gone before I heard screaming. Picking up my pace I quietly ran to the source of the distress. I ran into a clearing and hid behind a tree, letting my eyes adjust to the darkness.

The scene before me showed a man...dressed as a clown! I knew I was not imagining that clown the night I first saw him! He was trying to hurt someone. A woman who was screaming.

Except that was not a stranger, it was Esmeralda!

The clown man was screaming at her, pinning her down so she could not escape. Quickly I looked around for a weapon to use. Picking up a rather large and heavy log I tiptoed my way over to the clown and Esmeralda.

Pulling all of my force I swung the log and connected it with the back of the clowns head. He gave a grunt before passing out on top of Esmeralda. Dropping the log I used my weight and pushed the clown off of Esmeralda as he tumbled into the dirt.

She was visibly shaken, but who would not be. I offered her my hand and pulled her up onto her feet, "Are you alright? Did he hurt you at all?" Trying to scan over her in the thickening darkness.

Esmeralda shook her head, "No I am okay but Jimmy needs us and there are kids in there." She swallowed pointing to the trailer that I had just seen for the first time.

"Jimmy? Children?" Questioning her.

"There's another clown. He left but he's coming back. He was the one that kidnapped the children and killed those people in town." Her voice shook.

There was _another_ clown!

I started pacing. We did not have much time and we needed a plan.

"Esmeralda I will help Jimmy and the others but you are not far from town I think. You need to run as fast as you can. Go to the police station, ask for a Deputy Chief Thomas Anderson, tell him Madalina sent you. Tell him to bring everyone he can to the forest outside the camp grounds." Giving her the specific instructions. I prayed Thomas was working tonight.

She started shaking her head, "No, no I can't go. I have to...I have to..." She trailed off stammering.

Gently I grabbed her by the shoulders making her jump, "Esmeralda we do not have time for this. I know you are frightened but you have to do this. This is bigger than you and me. This is about Jimmy and the others in the trailer." Stressing to her.

"We all have moments in our life were we need to step up and act to what is given to us. This is your moment. You go get the police I will help Jimmy. Do you understand?" Hastily asking her.

She gave an anxious nod, "Good now go! And do not forget, Deputy Chief Thomas Anderson." I let her go and watched her run from my sight. Glancing down I made sure the clown was still unconscious before I ran to the trailer and yanked it open.

"Jimmy!" Calling into the darkness.

"Lina!" He yelled back. I saw him tied up in the back of the small trailer. Briefly I stopped and took in the horrendous sight of a young woman and the children locked up in cages like animals.

Kneeling down in front of a little boy I grasped the bars of the cage, "We will get you all out. Just hold on a little longer." He nodded and I dashed over to Jimmy.

"Where is Esmeralda?" He asked in a panicked tone as I quickly went to undo his knots.

"I sent her to go get the police. It is up to you and I to get these ones safely out of here." Staring into his eyes. He stared back accepting the challenge.

After I untied him we set our focus on the cages, "Where are the keys?" Tugging at the locks.

Jimmy frantically searched around but could not find any, "He must have them on him." Running his hand through his hand. Standing up I looked around for anything I could use.

I saw a knife and a thought popped into my head. Picking up the slim knife I knelt back in front of the first lock.

"Lina I don't think a single knife will do it." Jimmy spoke up behind me.

"No, but this should do it." Pulling a hair pin from my waves as I set both in the lock and got down to work. I tried to focus on what I was doing and not the fact I had frantic and hopeful eyes staring back at me through the cold bars.

"You know how to pick a lock?" Jimmy was flabbergasted.

"Now is not the time." Huffing out as I felt for the tumblers, "Go check if the other clown is still unconscious." I heard him leave and then come back.

"Yeah he is still out, what did ya hit him with?"

"A very heavy log." Scrunching my face as I picked the lock open, "Yes!" I beamed as I undid the lock and threw it aside. Opening up the door I let the small boy escape and run over to Jimmy.

"One down, two to go." Mumbling as I went to work on another lock.

* * *

"There!" Cheering to myself as I undid the last lock and helped the young woman out of her cage.

Jimmy had been telling the children that we would be running back to the camp grounds and keep them safe there until the police arrived in the forest. Taking the young girls hand I looked at Jimmy.

"Lets go." Telling him and he nodded. We turned around and froze.

The other clown had shown up.

I felt the little girls grip on my hand tighten. I squeezed back trying to reassure her.

The clown did not do anything for a moment except stare at us. Then he started screaming and tearing the trailer apart in his rage.

"Get outside and hid in the bushes. Do not come out unless we call for you. Make sure you all stay together." I whispered into the little girls ear as I picked up an old toy and threw it at the clown disorienting him.

"Go!" Shouting to them as I saw them scramble out the door of the trailer.

Jimmy held off the clown but as they tumbled down onto the floor I saw he had pulled a knife of Jimmy.

In there struggle Jimmy had ripped off part of the clowns mask and I could not help myself from screaming at the gruesome sight before me.

His mouth was completely gone, and bits of skin hung in its place.

The clowns head snapped up and Jimmy was suddenly forgotten as he got up and lunged for me but not before hitting Jimmy right in the face.

He pinned me to the ground before Jimmy could stop him. I thrashed under him and immediately stilled when he brought the knife to my throat.

As I laid pinned and panting on the ground I wondered what would happen, and if I would see my papa again for the second time tonight.

The trailer went silent. Green mist poured into the small space. Edward Mordrake was back.

The clown got up off of me, and dropped his knife. I was a distant memory to him.

I crawled over to Jimmy unnoticed and checked to see if he was alright. After he nodded that he was, he pushed me behind him as we watched the scene before us.

The deformed clown stood before Edward Mordrake awaiting his word.

"You are the one." Was all Edward Mordrake said before he stabbed him in chest and the clown feel down dead on the floor of the trailer.

Hiding my scream behind my hand I gripped Jimmy tighter.

My eyes went wide when only a few moments later the deformed clown slowly rose and stood again. Only this time he was whole, his mouth had healed and he had no stab wound.

For the second time that night the dead filled my presence. Only this time it was not dead camp prisoners but the spirits of different circus performers. Members who had already joined Mordrake's family.

They all surround the clown and in moment of green mist they were all gone and the clown feel back dead on the floor.

I do not know how silent we were before Jimmy muttered, "Holy shit." Letting out a long breath I rested my head on his back.

I definitely hated Halloween.

* * *

When Jimmy and I ran back outside to check on the others we heard voices of people in the distance. The police must be close.

We found the children but that is not what concerned me.

Tugging at his sleeve, "Jimmy."

He turned around and looked at me, "What? What is it?"

All I did was stare at the ground, "The other clown is gone."


	13. After A Long Night

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* * *

Everything inside of me ached for sleep. All I wanted was to lie down on my little twin bed and sleep forever. The walk back to my trailer somehow seemed longer under the weight of my fatigue.

After the police had found us in the woods the already long night extended further.

Moments after I alerted Jimmy that the other clown was gone hoards of policemen swarmed the clearing. Seeing Thomas leading the way gave me such a relief that could have mimicked when he first found me at Buchenwald.

We ran towards each other but as soon as we stood in front of each other we stopped. Unsure of what to do. Finally, without thinking I jumped into his arms and squeezed him tight.

"Thank god you are here." Whispering into his coat, "I knew you would come."

Thomas hugged me tight not saying a word.

It took awhile but Jimmy and I had told him the full story of what Esmeralda hastily told him. We showed him the body of the dead clown on the floor of the trailer. Thomas inspected him and noted the stab wound to his chest.

Before Jimmy could even put together two words I blurted out that I was the one that stabbed him. They both looked at me with wild, unbelieving eyes. I showed them the knife that Edward had used to stab the clown, telling Thomas it was within reach when the clown pinned me down onto the floor.

I told Thomas it was self defense and that I was scared for my life when he pulled his own knife against me. Thomas looked at me, then to the clown, then back at me before nodding and ushering both of us out of the trailer.

Jimmy's eyes were turning with questions but I just shook my head telling him not to argue and not to say a word. Mouthing to him that we would talk about it later.

All that mattered was that everyone was safe.

"You helped get these kids back to their parents. You're a hero." Thomas told me as we joined the policemen again.

I shook my head, "No, Jimmy is the real hero. He did it all, that is what you tell them." Smiling at him but he averted my gaze, knowing he questioned my actions.

Jimmy, Esmeralda and I had to inform Thomas and the other officers that there was another murderous clown still out there. We provided little help in identification because he was wearing a mask.

After our statements were taken we were all free to go back to the camp and I believed I would be able to get some much needed rest. Only I was wrong. The three of us were then ushered into Miss Elsa's tent as she demanded to know what happened tonight.

We told her everything. That Edward Mordrake killed the clown, and not I the person who claimed too.

"You did what?" Miss Elsa and Esmeralda yelped at the same time.

Scrubbing my face over my hands I sighed. I just wanted to sleep.

"Why in God's name did you do that huh? Saying you offed the clown." Jimmy huffed out rubbing the back of his neck.

"What was I supposed to tell Thomas? That a psychotic ghost stabbed the clown? How would that have looked?" My voice rising in a shout.

"You should have let me take the fall." He angrily responded.

"No I should not have. If you had taken the fall what if something had gone wrong? What if the Chief decided you just killed an innocent clown, and that maybe you were the one who kidnapped and killed all those people." Snapping at him.

"We are both easy targets, but you are easier to hold Jimmy. I took the fall for everyone's sake. They are less likely to pin some sinister motive on me than you. By saying I killed in self defense it is harder now for anyone to question me." Explaining to all of them.

Staring at Jimmy I questioned him with a look that said, prove me wrong.

I thought he was going to start yelling and arguing again but he did the exact opposite. He reached over and pulled me into a hug. At first I was startled but then the anxiety went away and I hugged him back.

"Than you for saving my neck." He whispered into my ear.

"Anytime." Smiling back.

We pulled away and I gave him a kiss on the forehead and I could have sworn I saw him blush.

Miss Elsa said thank god we were all okay and then sent us back to our trailers to sleep.

Right now I was cursing the fact that my trailer was on the edge of the camp grounds. I thought my legs would buckle underneath me at any moment. As I slowly made my way past the prop tent a pair of arms circled around me and pulled me inside.

The scream was almost past my throat when I heard his voice, "Don't scream love it's only me."

Twisting myself out from his grasp I turned around and found Paul staring at me, "God Paul! I have had a very long night and that did not help!" Screeching at him in a whisper, "What were you thinking?"

"Me? What the hell were you thinking Madalina? What in God's name made you run off into those woods tonight?" Paul questioned in annoyance.

His inquiry stopped me. Truthfully I did not know why I was pulled into the forest tonight, I just was.

"I...I do not know?" Answering in confusing, "Something in me told me to go to the forest and I did." Giving him the honest truth even if I did not understand it myself.

I like to think that maybe it was my mama and papa that led me there. To help save the people that were becoming a family to me.

Paul recognized the sincerity of my answer. He let out a long breath and turned away from me. He shook his head, "You could have died out there tonight...and we might never have known." His voice became so small and quiet.

My heart lurched in my chest at the pain in his voice for me, "I could have but I did not. Paul I did not survive the Nazi's to die at the hands of a killer clown." Softly smiling at the absurdity of it all.

Surviving Hitler and the concentration camps only to be struck down by a man who did magic tricks for a living.

Paul turned back around and looked at me, "I am okay Paul." Trying to reassure him. Awkwardly we looked at each other for a few moments, unsure of what to do or say.

I broke the air, "I really should go to bed. It has been a long night." Speaking to him and I received a nod in return.

"Goodnight Paul." Turning my back to leave the tent only to be stopped again.

"Lina." Paul questioned behind me. Slowly I turned back around not up for anything because all I wanted in the world was to lie down.

Without saying a word I made my way over to him yet again.

I wanted and wanted for him to say something but he did not. Paul just keep staring into my eyes and for some reason that warm feeling flooded my stomach again as I felt a blush heat onto my cheeks.

Then without word or warning Paul leaned forward and he pressed his lips to mine.

An electric jolt shot through my body. Yet I stilled. I did not know what to do. My first kiss! I did not know how to kiss a man!

He lips were soft and warm as I hoped they would be. My stomach exploded into butterflies.

Paul broke away.

I was sure I was as red as a tomato.

My insides were going crazy and my heart was pounding so hard in my chest.

In a fluster I fled from the tent. My exhaustion gone as I ran to my trailer not stopping til I was inside with the door locked.

Panting I sat down at the vanity and studied my face. Did I look any different? Would people be able to tell I had received my first kiss? And not just from any boy, but a man.

Not just any man, but Paul.

Biting my lip I watched the blush redden my cheeks once more.

Paul.

My first kiss! I felt so exhilarated but I also felt like a complete fool. What if I had done it wrong? I mean I had not moved my lips the entire time, but then again I do not think it lasted that long?

Or maybe it lasted a lifetime.

How was I to act now? Would Paul kiss me again? I had a feeling he liked me but now I knew. I mean you kiss a girl if you like her right?

Staring back at my face again I began to giggle like a little girl. I got up and changed out of my clothes into my nightgown. As I crawled into bed I did not think of the horrible things that had been seen and done tonight.

No.

I fell asleep repeating that kiss over and over in my mind.

* * *

I awoke from a surprisingly peacefully, much needed nights rest. I stretched and smiled thinking about last night with Paul.

Biting my lip I broke into a fit of giggles flopping back onto my bed just thinking of him.

Staring out the window a few minutes more I watched the sun trickle through and fill the trailer. Finally I rose from my bed and began my morning ritual of showering and dressing myself.

As I put on my dress I stared at my numbers, and for a moment the word murderer flashed back into my mind where I quickly pushed it away. I would trust my papa's word over the words of Edward Mordrake any day.

A thought passed through my conscious and I wondered if I would ever tell the people here about me. Then it was gone as quick as it came into my mind. Shaking my head I thought I would probably never tell them.

I just could not.

Exiting my trailer I made my way over to the kitchen to make breakfast. Subconsciously I found myself looking for Paul everywhere and my heart began to beat a little faster at the thought of seeing him.

But I did not see him and my smile fell just a tiny bit on my face as I reached the kitchen and began preparing breakfast. Reminding myself I would see him when everyone came for their food.

Like clockwork everyone started filling into the kitchen grounds as soon as I finished cooking. Setting down the plates I saw Paul come into the area. My stomach fluttered at seeing him.

Except he did not seem to see me at all. He did not look up when he came into the kitchen area, nor did he look up as he sat down. We briefly exchanged glances when I set the food down on the table, and while I gave him a wide smile he quickly glanced the other way.

The fluttering sensation was now replaced by a awful gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Was Paul upset with me? Was he mad at me?

Through breakfast I remained quiet and reserved, barely touching my food. Only offering small snippets of conversation to the others.

Getting up I was about to start cleaning up when Meep ran from the main camp towards us. He was in quite an excitable as he ran straight towards me.

"Meep! Meep!" He grabbed my hand and began tugging at my body to follow him. I barely had time to glance back at the others who were getting up from their places to see what was going on, before Meep pulled me into a run.

He led me towards the main gate where there were cars pulling up everywhere.

Oh my God! Have they come to blame us somehow for what the clown did?

"What the hell?" Hearing Jimmy question as he came up next to me, "They've come to run us out of town." His reply full of dread.

People started getting out their cars coming towards us. Instinctively I pushed Meep behind me.

"What will they do to us?" Asking Jimmy with fright. Before he could answer Miss Elsa came barreled in a charge to the front gate meeting them all.

"You Jimmy?" One man asked.

"What do you and the rest of this mob want?" Miss Elsa fiercely questioned them.

"We wanted to thank you." The man replied and that caught everyone by surprise.

"You saved our son." One woman spoke to Jimmy. She is the mother of the boy in the cage.

"You saved our town." The woman's husband said to him. Staring at Jimmy I broke out into a smile. He deserved this. Even if he did not think so, "I wanna shake your hand." The man extended his hand towards Jimmy and even Miss Elsa could not hold back her astonishment. All of us looked to Jimmy, waiting what he would do.

Jimmy was obviously apprehensive but Miss Elsa told him it would be alright and I watched Jimmy shake hands with that little boys father. Tears of happiness slipped down my face.

A little girl stepped forward and offered Jimmy a plate of sweets, "Homemade brownies? I only ate one." She smiled at him.

Jimmy took the plate and smiled thanking her. Then all at once everyone came forward with flowers, food and well wishes to everyone in the camp.

Quietly I stepped back a bit and watched the scene unfold. I knew Jimmy had questioned why I had claimed him the hero but I had done it for this reason. My heart swelled to see Jimmy, everyone being treated as an equal like they were meant to be treated everyday.

They were finally being treated right, even if it did only last for a short while. They deserved to know what being treated equally felt like, and I was glad I had a small part in giving it to them.

I believe even Thomas knew that because otherwise he would have told everyone that I had 'killed' the clown. He knew they needed this.

Esmeralda quietly came up beside me, "You are not joining them?" Asking her, "You helped those children as well. If you had not gone for the police, who knows what would have happened."

She shook her head, "No. This is not my moment but theirs." Smiling earnestly.

"What about you?" She questioned back.

"It is like you said, it is not my moment but theirs." Matching her smile. Jimmy looked up and caught eyes with Esmeralda and gave her the widest smile I had ever seen on him, before someone grabbed his attention again.

I looked back at Esmeralda's face knowing that look, "Just be careful okay." Quietly telling her.

"Ladies and gentlemen! One and all." Miss Elsa stood grabbing everyone's attention, "We would like to invite you to our grand command performance tonight." She gleamed at the crowd. "Here in our big top. Tickets are available over there at the box office." She gave a graceful bow and everyone clapped.

Smiling I scanned through the crowd and caught Paul's eyes. Again I smiled and again he ignored me. My face dropped in disappointment and confusion.

"You be careful too." Esmeralda softly speaking to me.


	14. Trying to Understand

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* * *

Everyone ran off and dispersed to get ready for the sold out show tonight, but I sulked back to my trailer to wallow in despair and sadness. As I entered my trailer I sat down on my bed and the tears begin to flow.

I had gone and messed everything up. Paul and I had a wonderful, blooming friendship now it appeared to be crushed and trampled. Now he hates me.

How could I have been so foolish to think he would ever want to be...romantically involved with someone like me. I was not a beauty like my mother or my aunts, I only had my plain features that no man would want.

Paul was a man, an experienced man. What could he possible want with a silly girl like myself?

A knock on my door startled me.

"Who...who is it?" Hiccuping as I tried my fastest to wipe away my tears.

"Jimmy." He answered from the other side, "Can I come in?"

Oh what could he possible want right now?

"I am not feeling well right now Jimmy." Hoping he bought my lie.

He did not, "Come on Lina, open up."

Sighing I rose from my bed and opened the door ushering him inside but I quickly turned my back on him. I did not want him to see me all a mess.

"Why aren't you getting ready for the big show?" Jimmy asked.

"I could say the same to you." Pausing, "Besides it is not like I do anything important." Putting myself down.

"Lina what is going on? You were so quiet at breakfast and then after everyone left you bolted." There was a pause, "Is this about what happened last night?" Jimmy quietly asked me.

"No, no it is not about that...though something else did happen last night." My lip began to tremble as the tears once again dripped down my cheeks.

"What happened?" His concern grew.

Turning around to face him, yet I could not meet his eyes, "Paul hates me."

"About that fight you guys had, that's nothing he doesn't hate you Lina." He chuckled but I started sobbing.

"No it is not about that." Looking up to face him his eyes were filled with concern and confusion. Jimmy led me over to the table to sit down and I told him everything. About Thomas and the fight. Then about last night and our kiss.

"See he hates me." Crying into his chest, "I messed everything up because I am not a good kisser. I was so stupid and foolish. Why would he want someone like me?"

"Hey, hey, hey just stop that right now." Jimmy lifted me from his chest and made me look at him, "You are a great gal Lina and any guy would be damn lucky to have you. This...thing with Paul, it's just a big misunderstanding."

His words were comforting but tears still flowed from me. Jimmy pulled me back to his chest and hugged me close.

"You'll see, everything will work out fine." He soothed me.

* * *

During the show I was walking back and forth between tents when I heard screaming. Dropping my things I ran to the source of the noise, which was Desiree and Dell's trailer. Without even thinking I yanked open the door and rushed inside.

I found Jimmy hovering over Desiree who was unconscious. Blood was on Jimmy's hands.

I had a wild look on my face as I stared at Jimmy, "What in Gods name has happened?" Running over to tend to Desiree.

"I..I was just doing my thing and she starts screaming for stop and then blood is pouring out from her legs." He stammered looking like he was going to be sick.

"Run and go get your mother." Telling him as I grabbed a towel but he remained still, "Go!" Screeching at him. He suddenly snapped back to life and ran from the trailer.

"Desiree can you hear me? It is Lina?" She stirred thank God. Grabbing her wrist her pulse was rapid and uneven, sweat was building over her body. Reaching back into my mind I tried to remember the training my aunt Marta had taught me from her nursing courses. It had helped me immensely when we were in the Ghettos.

Reaching for the towel I rolled it up and tried to stop the bleeding between her legs.

Her legs.

I paused. Lifting her shirt I revealed her stomach. I willed my hands to stop shaking as I gently felt my way around her stomach. Searching for the signs I prayed would not be there.

Unfortunately from watching my aunt Marta all those years I knew what this was.

"Christ on a cracker." Miss Ethel huffed out as she came into the trailer, "What da hell's going on?" She questioned me.

"She is having a miscarriage. We need to get her to a doctor." The words tumbling out of my mouth.

"How do you know?" Miss Ethel asked as she rushed over to us.

"My aunt spent her life as a nurse. She taught me well. I know miscarriages when I seem them." Staring at the towel beneath her legs which was soaked through and through.

"She is losing too much blood." Grabbing the soaked towel and replacing it with another. Desiree stirred from her spot and moaned, "Miss Ethel we need to get her to a doctor." Stressing.

She paused, "I know a good man."

* * *

It had been a long time since I had been in a doctors office. For some reason it made me anxious but I tried not to focus on myself but on Desiree. This doctor appeared nice enough. He was the one who had told Miss Ethel about her liver failure.

If she could trust him then I suppose I could trust him too.

Desiree was already frightened, believing that Jimmy had poked a hole through her. But I knew better, but I could not tell her the real truth.

While I held one hand, Miss Ethel held the other as the doctor began his examination asking Desiree about her past health history.

"Where were you born?" He asked her.

"Philadelphia. The midwife smacked me on my ass and said, "Congratulations, Mary, you finally got you a boy. My mother was over the moon." There was twinge of sadness to her voice that tugged inside me.

"She named me Derek, after her father, who was a baseball player. Thought maybe I'd follow in his footsteps." Desiree continued her story, and chuckled softly, "But that all changed when I turned 12 and started growing these." Pointing to her breasts.

The doctor rose from his examination, "Well..." He paused.

"Okay, Doc, don't sugarcoat it."She cut to the point.

"Well, the midwife was wrong. You're not a boy; you never were." We all stilled. Desiree's hand became slack in my own. Glancing at Miss Ethel I tried to read her but it seemed impossible.

"You probably have an excess of testosterone. Your body got confused and produced more estrogen to compensate, which may account for your accessory breast." The doctor explained to her, but I do not know if she heard it.

"What about my ding-a-ling?" Desiree finally spoke. Questioning in confusion.

"Um, that is not a penis. That is an enlarged clitoris, which I can surgically reduce if it bothers you." He was clearly a little uncomfortable.

"But either way, physically and genetically, you are 100% woman. Now, the bleeding that you experienced, that was a miscarriage, and I'm sorry to say that, that was about 12 weeks." Desiree blinked as I saw the tears form in her eyes as I swallowed mine in my throat. I squeezed her hand tightly, letting her know I was here for her.

"Now, there was no sign of injury, but the baby was just not viable." He sadly announced. A breath of relief flooded through me. I could not wait to tell Jimmy that this was in no way his fault. I knew he would be blaming himself.

"The baby?" Desiree whispered, hearing the word on her tongue.

"If you wait a few months, you and your husband can try again. But now I must be blunt. At your age, I wouldn't wait too long." Speaking the truth.

Desiree was quite for a few long moments, "I could have a baby with Dell?" The tears streaming from her eyes.

* * *

When all of us got back to the camp Miss Ethel stayed with Desiree and I went to find Jimmy. Everyone in the camp was whispering between this and that, I knew everyone had somehow found out about Desiree.

"Eve have you seen Jimmy?" Asking her as I passed by.

"Yeah honey he's in his trailer, and not doing so well." Giving a sad smile before walking away.

Knocking on the trailer door I alerted Jimmy to my presence before entering his trailer, unaware of the state I would find him in.

"Really? Drinking?" Sighing as I sat down next to him.

He took a swig from the bottle, "Give me a break I almost killed someone today."

"No you did not." Telling him as I grabbed the bottle from him and set it down on the table.

There was a pause of silence knowing what he wanted to ask.

"How is she?"

"She will be okay." Letting out a long breath, "Your mother is with her now."

"What did the doc say?" Jimmy quietly inquiring.

"That she is not a half man, half woman. She is fully a woman." Telling him as I watched the surprise settle onto his face. I paused dreading telling him the rest, "And she was pregnant. Twelve weeks, she had a miscarriage." Biting my lip looking at Jimmy.

"Pregnant?" He whispered out into space, "And I did that...I killed her kid." Grabbing his head in his hands.

"No, no, no, no my mielas." Pulling his head up, making him look at me.

"You did not kill anyone. You did nothing to harm Desiree or her child...the baby was not viable. When Desiree miscarried the baby was already dead." Speaking as I tried not to let the grief creep into me.

I made sure he was staring straight into my eyes, "The baby died because of a physical defect, which the doctor can correct if she wants to have another child. It is likely that she would not have carried to full term, and if she did..." Pausing thinking of the births I had helped my aunt with, "She might not have survived."

Jimmy closed his eyes and a single tear carried down his cheek, "You did nothing. Only the cruelness of human anatomy had any hand in what happened to Desiree."

Sitting up I pulled him close to me and silently we stayed like that for a few minutes, happy that I could provide comfort to him.

In our silence a thought occurred to me, "Jimmy...why um where you with Desiree?" My voice squeaking out in embarrassment.

Huffing out a breath Jimmy pulled away and stared at the floor, "I suppose I was feeling lousy about myself."

"But why?" Wanting to know.

"Esmeralda shut me down. I thought she liked me but..when I tried to kiss her she backed away. Said I had a bright future, she just wasn't in it. I'm and idiot to think I ever had a chance with a girl like her." He clenched his hands and there was anger in his voice.

Or maybe it was betrayal.

Why I wanted to shake Esmeralda by the shoulders and scream at her for hurting Jimmy.

"I came to Desiree trying to find Dell cuz no one has seen him. We got to talking, I was down about Esmeralda, she was down about Dell...and one thing led to another..." He trailed off thinking.

"I'm a freak. No gal will ever love me." His voice dripping in agony.

"Jimmy you are not a freak!" Shouting at him. It startled him and it had startled me.

"You are a sweet, kind, helpful, handsome man. Any gal would be lucky to have you. You are a leader, a brother to those in need." Smiling at him, pushing the hair from his face, "And if Esmeralda cannot see that then she is not worth it."

He looked up at me with sad eyes, "You are my friend and I care for you deeply. You will get your happy ending with your perfect girl. I know it, I can feel it in my heart." Giving him a soft smile, "I am never wrong." Quipping making him chuckle.

But there was still a heartache to his face. Leaning over I mustered all of my courage for my friend and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

The shock from both of us radiated with in trailer. Both of our mouths agape at the boldness of my action.

Jimmy was quiet then burst into a fit of laughter which I suddenly joined in.

Tears streamed from our eyes as the laughter finally died down.

"You will always have one friend who finds you attractive." Giggling at him as we settled down.

Jimmy moved over and pulled me into his arms. He was feeling better.

He kissed my forehead, "Thanks for being my number 1 gal." He smirked as I relaxed into him.

* * *

Finishing my prayer I gazed up into the night sky. I did not know if God would be able to help Desiree, or even if God was there anymore but I did not know what else to do; and it did bring some meager comfort.

Sitting on a log in the clearing I shook my head, taking in the sight of the stars and the moon. I came to America to led a quiet, peaceful, uneventful life but it seemed I was doing the exact opposite.

Jupiter, Florida was not as quiet and peaceful as it seemed. Although I wish it was. Then maybe I could finally rest and get some peace of mind.

All I longed for was a normal life. I wondered if I would ever have it?

There was a ruckus behind me. I was a bit annoyed. My mind was all the company I wanted right now.

Turning my head I saw Jimmy leading or rather pushing Paul towards the clearing.

I rose from the log puzzled at what was happening.

"Um what is going on?" Directing the question to Paul or Jimmy.

"He." Gesturing towards Jimmy, "Pulls me out of my trailer and forces me out here. Babbling about misunderstands and making things right." Furiously replying.

"Jimmy?" Staring at him.

"I told you Lina everything would work out." He broke out into a wild grin and began walking away.

"You two aren't goin anywhere until you start talking!" Jimmy hollered at us. Then he disappeared leaving the two of us alone.

It was quiet. It was awkward. It was painful.

"I did not ask him to do this." Blurting out.

"Jimmy's just being Jimmy." Paul shrugged his shoulders but his reply had a bit of ice to it.

"Paul I am so sorry for everything." I was not even sure which thing I was apologizing for. I was just sorry.

He did not answer me. I bit the inside of my cheek. I would not cry.

"The last thing I ever wanted to do was ruin our friendship." Whispering to him.

His body snapped to attention and he stared at me, "I shoulda know it wasn't going to work out. Freaks aren't good company for normal people."

Normal people? I was anything but.

"Paul you are not a freak. I have never thought that about you!" Pleading with him.

He scoffed, "Then why'd you run! After I kissed you, you ran like you couldn't stand the sight of me. A disgusting freak!" He shouted at me.

My stomach dropped. He thought I found him disgusting.

"No, no Paul I was not disgusted I could never be disgusted by you. You have to believe me!" Begging him to understand.

He shook his head and turned away from me. About to leave again, "Please Paul believe me, I was not offended by the kiss. It was a wonderful kiss, the best first kiss any woman could have asked for!" Yelping then turning away horrified.

Oh why, why, why? Why did I say that?

"First kiss?" Paul inquired behind me.

I wanted the earth to swallow me up whole.

Painstakingly I turned around not meeting any part of him.

"That was your first kiss?" Paul asked me again.

"Yes." Squeaking.

"How?" His voice sounded bewildered, I would not know since I still could not look at him.

I gulped, "I was a child when war broke out, there was no time for boys."

Especially when you seem them being starved or shot to death.

"Even after the war I was too busy trying to piece a life back together for myself. Men were the last thing on my mind." Continuing on, "Plus I am not pretty like my mother. Men do not pay attention to me." Quietly adding.

"I did." His voice ran like a honey river.

My head lifted and I met his eyes.

"You think I am pretty?" Shocked.

Paul gave me a smile, "I think you're the most beautiful creature I've ever seen."

All the air in my lungs ceased to flow.

Biting my lip I needed to explain, even if it did make me look like an idiot, "Paul I did not run because I loathed you and the kiss. I ran because I was overwhelmed with emotion. I acted like a foolish, stupid girl." Chuckling at my antics.

"When you started to avoid me I thought you were mad at me. Not because I ran but because maybe I did it wrong. Or you did not like it. That it was a bad kiss. That you had come to your senses and realized I was just a stupid girl and that you could do better. That I was not good enough, and will never hold a candle to being your perfect woman." My lip trembled as tears flooded my eyes.

"Madalina you are perfect to me." Paul stepped forward inches from me. His eyes were a clear, pale blue because of the moonlight, "If you'd have me, I'd love to be yours and be with you." Softly telling me.

His face was patient but vulnerable.

"Yes." Whispering to him and a smile broke out on his face, "Paul nothing would make me happier than to be with you." Beaming with him.

We stood there grinning like fools idiots but it did not matter. Paul liked me. He wanted to be with me!

"Madalina would it be alright if I kissed you again? Properly this time." Paul asked me.

The butterflies came floating back inside me.

"What if I do it wrong? What if I mess it up?" Confessing to him so softly I could barely hear myself.

"You won't love. That first kiss was amazing. I wasn't being a gentlemen by not asking you first." Paul blushed.

I could only nod. I closed my eyes because in movies I had learned you were supposed to close your eyes. A mistake I had made the first time.

Then his lips were on my. Soft like before. Perfect like before. I was kissing Paul again!

The electricity I had felt the first time was amplified as the the butterflies took over me.

Pushing my nerves aside slowly I moved my lips with his, hoping I was doing it right.

My bones felt on fire. Everything in me felt a flame. Paul must be the perfect kisser in the whole world.

When we broke away I thought my chest would explode. Out of nerves I started to giggle.

"Sorry." Clapping a hand over my mouth. I was sure my blush was at my hair line.

"It's alright love, I think it's adorable." Paul smirked, "Would it be alright if I walked you back to your trailer?"

I nodded daring not to speak, fearing more giggles would escape.

Paul crooked his arm for me, "A true lady needs to be seen in the company of a gentleman."

Smiling I looped my arm through his, "Paul I do believe you are being cheeky again." But I just smiled and followed him back to camp thrilled to be with him.

We moved slowly, savoring the night and each others company. Nothing was spoken but it was a most wonderful silence. The whole time my smile never fell from my face.

Unfortunately we reached my trailer too quickly in my opinion. I did not want to leave him.

"Goodnight Paul, thank you for a wonderful evening." Gently beaming.

"It's my pleasure." He paused, "Can I walk you to breakfast tomorrow?" Curiously asking.

I had to keep myself myself from jumping out of my skin. So I smiled some more and nodded at him.

His grin warmed me. I leaned forward and pecked his cheek. When I pulled back his eyes were gleaming.

I began to walk up my stairs but tripped like a fool.

"Watch out, there are stairs there." Trying to joke but I turned scarlet.

Paul laughed, "Goodnight love."

Setting inside my trailer everything in me just felt right. And I had not felt that in a long time.

I started dancing around in circles before I began getting ready for bed. Wishing morning to come soon.


	15. A Birthday Celebration?

I awoke early with a huge smile upon my face. Paul and I were together! I am not all quite sure what that meant but it did mean something. He liked me. He thought I was beautiful. No man has ever told me that.

Quickly and as thoroughly as I could I wrote all of the past days antics to Eliezer and Petras, not wanting to imagine their reactions. I would half expect they demand that I come home. Just the thought alone of a man, a true man in my life was enough to frighten them.

This I was sure of.

That and the fact I was almost murdered by a clown.

Scribbling the last of my notes to both of them I rose and began to get ready. After my shower I took extra care and picked out my best dress, wanting to please Paul.

Doing what I could with my hair, I let it hang down in my waves rather than pull it up.

Straightening my sleeves I looked upon my tattoo.

I did not want to have any secrets to keep from Paul...but how does one even begin to explain the hell I went through? Furthermore, how would he react? What would he think?

Would he even believe me?

The knock on the door forced me to pull my sleeve carefully back into place as I sighed. Hiding was becoming increasingly exhausting and I did not know how much longer I could keep it up for.

Stopping briefly to smooth my dress and hair I answered my door where Paul was standing on the other side. He had wildflowers in his hands and a bright smile on his face.

"For you my lady." He spoke in his honey voice as he held out the flowers and I took them with a sparkling grin. No one had ever given me flowers except for my uncle and my papa.

"Oh Paul thank you." Pressing the blooms to my nose, breathing in their heavenly scent, "Come in and I will put them in a jar." Turning around to find a container.

Filling the small jar with water I carefully placed the flowers on the kitchen table under the sunlight. Lightly I touched one of the petals, "They are so beautiful." Touched by such a simple gesture.

Turning around I kissed him on the cheek and I could have sworn I saw a blush hint at his cheeks.

But maybe it was just my imagination.

"Shall we go to breakfast, the natives will be restless if there is no food." Joking as I took his arm and shut the door.

The two of us walked through the nearly abandoned camp ground in the early morning. Well early for the performers at least.

"You look lovely today, I like your hair down." Paul commented and I grinned making a mental note to wear my hair down more.

"So what do you all do for Miss Elsa's birthday week?" Inquiring since I did not know the normal procedure.

"Well basically the whole week is us celebrating the days up to her birthday. Today we all line up and give her, her presents." He told me.

"Interesting." I commented thinking it was a bit silly to have a whole birthday week, but it was not my opinion to voice.

"What did you always do for birthdays?" Paul asked me as we had reached the kitchen. He sat down at the nearest table.

"Well no one I knew ever had a whole week." Joking to him, "No for as long as I could remember birthdays were a treasured event, but for many different reasons."

He cocked his head waiting for me to continue.

"Birthdays were a time less about presents and material things but being with the people you loved. Only the wealthiest, well to do families could afford the best, we were well off but by no means wealthy." Smiling, "I think the two best birthday presents I have ever received was a glass pendent necklace of a bird from my papa when I was seven. That was his pet name for me mano mažai paukštis. My little bird."

"And the other?" Paul's curiosity flowing.

"A bar of chocolate." Replying as a tiny smile crept onto my face.

"One bar of chocolate?" Paul laughed.

"Hey a bar of chocolate was very hard to come by during the war." Laughing as I pointed my spoon at him, "Rations and all that." Waving my hand.

I paused, "It was the last birthday we were all together...before...before..." Trailing off.

Before the deportation to the camps, before we were all separated and our lives forever altered. I busied myself with the eggs. Hoping not to cry.

I heard Paul rise and come up behind me, "I am sorry. I am just not ready to talk about it all. Not yet." Whispering him.

He kissed my shoulder, "It's alright love. You'll talk about it when you're good and ready." Paul reassured me.

Turning around I smiled at him, "Thank you."

We stared into each others eyes for a few moments before our lips met. It was brief, beautiful and magical.

I broke apart needing air that I thought was in my lungs, but apparently not.

Someone cleared their throat and Paul and I jumped apart.

Turning around I saw Jimmy's smug face staring at us.

Paul went to help set the tables while I went back to cooking.

"So..." Jimmy drawled out, "Having a good morning?" I thought his smirk would crack his face.

"It would seem like the mature thing to do would not drawn attention to what you just saw." Blushing as red as a tomato.

"I don't know what you're talkin about, I didn't see anything." Jimmy causally said as he picked up a strawberry, "Just came here for my breakfast."

"Jimmy please do not say anything. We do not want anyone to know yet." Pleading with him.

"Like I said, don't know what you're babblin on about." He gave me a wink and I knew our secret was safe.

"Just keep it behind closed doors." He chuckled and I lightly elbowed him.

"Go sit down." I laughed.

Slowly and surely like clockwork every filed into the area for breakfast. We had all sat down when I noticed something odd.

"Where are Dot and Bette?" Asking looking around again to make sure they weren't there.

"It's not like them to miss breakfast." Eva became concerned.

"I will go check their tent." Rising but Miss Elsa sat me back down.

"No need my dear, the twins have gone."

"Gone?" All of us seemed to speak.

"Gone where?" Jimmy inquired.

"They ran off when I took them into town. I had my back turned for one moment and the next they were gone." Miss Elsa huffed, "And after all I had done for them!" Slapping the table top.

"Are you sure they left? It doesn't seem like them to just leave. Maybe they were taken?" Miss Ethel offered.

Miss Elsa shook her head, "No, no, no I am sure they are gone. They took advantage of us. Took what they wanted then left."

I glanced at everyone reading different expressions. I read worry, despair, concern, but mostly confusion.

We all dared not say anymore for fear of upsetting Miss Elsa again. We ate slowly and silently. None of us saying what we really thought.

Why would the twins leave?

* * *

Later we all gathered in the main tent to give Miss Elsa her presents.

Stepping forward I handed her a container.

"I am sorry, I did not know what to get you so I baked this." Smiling at her.

She opened the container and laughed, "Oh my dear how wonderful." Holding up the black forest cake I had made for her.

"I thought you would want something to remind you of home." Shyly speaking.

"It looks amazing, thank you my liebe." Miss Elsa grinned at me. My cheeks blushed as I stepped off to the side and Miss Ethel handed her a present.

Miss Elsa opened the box and gasped, "Oh, Ethel. Oh, you have outdone yourself."

"They say all the movie stars use Westmore." Miss Ethel exclaimed.

Miss Elsa looked at the box and smiled, "Yes."

"You got to have the best on your big trip out to Hollywood." Miss Ethel gushed.

I did not know what this Westmore was but I was sure it was important if movie stars were using it.

"Well, come on, step lively. Supposed to be a party. Who's next?" Turning back to us.

Paul stepped forward and handed Miss Elsa a small box. She opened and blushed with laughter before closing it, "Oh Paul you cheeky bastard." She continued laughing.

I do not know what was in that box but it gave me gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach that I tried to push away.

Eve stepped up with a rather large box and set it on the ground. I was startled when Miss Elsa gave out a yelp as she opened the top.

The present was Ma Petite knitted into some kind of blanket.

Miss Elsa picked up Ma Petite, "I will keep you warm, Miss Elsa." Ma Petite said in her adorable voice. I just had to smile.

"Oh, liebchen! Liebchen, liebchen, liebchen. Oh. My very own hot water bottle to cuddle with at night." She was beaming.

She looked at all of us and her face fell, "Oh What's the matter? Why such long faces? This is just the beginning of our glorious week of festivities. Why so gloomy?" Asking in confusion.

"We miss the twins." Ma Petite said sadly.

Instantly Miss Elsa's face changed.

"Did they say anything before they took off about why they wanted to leave?" Jimmy asked her.

Paul spoke up, "Maybe we should go look for them? They might be lost.."

"No!" Miss Elsa cut him off, startling all of us.

"Enough about the twins. I will have no more of this! We bring them in, give them a home, a family, and how do they repay us? By disappearing into the night!" She shouted, "So, no more about the twins! Do you hear me?! Now, I demand that you start having fun this instant." I bit my lip.

"Or I'll put one of you up against that wheel." She joked.

Or I hoped she was joking. I glanced at Jimmy. The concern was evident on his face. I wondered if he was going to push this out of his mind or not.

* * *

It was late in the evening when I heard a knocking at my trailer door.

I hoped it was Paul.

Opening the door I was not disappointed. He quickly stepped into the trailer before anyone saw him.

"Hi." I breathed with a grin.

"Hey." He grinned back.

So far most of our private time together was grinning at each other like idiots. But I did not mind it one bit.

"I feel like I have not seen you all day." Confessing my missing him.

"I know I went to town to try and get you something." Paul blushed.

Taking his hand I led him to the table, "Why would you get me anything Paul?" Asking as we sat down.

"Because you're my girl." He said sweetly.

I bit my lip and did not care that my blush rushed to the tips of my ears.

"But it did not go as planned." He explained somewhat darkly.

"Why what happened?" Instantly becoming worried.

"I went down to the local pharmacy to get you some perfume. Something nice because I love that way you smell, just like lavenders." Paul smiled at me, "But when I went the shop keeper started giving me a hard time."

"Why?" Inquiring.

He gestured to his body, "Because of what I am."

My shoulders slumped. My tattoo started itching. I touched his hand, "It is his loss because he does not know how amazing you are." Gently smiling at him.

I know in my mind he did blush, "Thank you love but that is not what was strange." He continued, "I saw that lad there Dandy, the toff from a few weeks ago who bought out the whole show."

"The man and his mother who tried to buy the twins?" Questioning.

Paul nodded, "That's the one. Anyway he was buy two of every item, except they were all things for women. Combs, headbands, mirrors stuff like that." Saying as he looked at me.

"You think he could have something to do with the twins disappearing?" Gasping.

"That's exactly what I think. You saw the way he was obsessed with the twins." Seriously speaking.

I bolted up from my seat, "We must tell someone!" I paused, "Jimmy! Let us tell Jimmy, he will know what to do."

Together Paul and I walked the camp finding Jimmy in the main tent folding and putting away chairs.

"Jimmy! We must talk to you." I exclaimed running up to him, "It is about the twins."

"It doesn't bother you? The way they just wandered off?" Paul asked him.

"I guess they were never really happy here." He concluded.

"But they were. You cannot really believe that?" Uneasy at his lack of curiosity and worry.

"I ran into that weirdo at the drugstore. You know, that rich kid who bought the house out a few weeks ago? He was buying two of all these girly things, makeup, brushes." Paul explained to him.

Jimmy put down one of the chair, "What are you saying?"

"Well, think about it for a second. Elsa hated them from the minute they got here for taking her spotlight away. They go, and she's right back in it. That Hollywood guy wants her again." Paul spoke harshly and Jimmy slapped him.

I gasped rushing over to Paul, "Jimmy!" Oh this was not the way I imagined this talk would go. Staring at Paul he assured me he was fine.

"You shut your mouth! Elsa has a dark heart, sure, but she saved every one of us, including me, and the both of you, and Bette and Dot." He yelled at us.

"Jimmy just calm down a little." Pleading with him, but he appeared not to have heard me.

"You know your problem? You can pass. And when no one's pretending, all the bullshit and the noise just drops away. From your position, Elsa looks like our guardian angel. But from where I'm sitting, I see a jealous broad near the end of the line who'd kill anyone or anything that got in the way of her one last shot at it." Paul spoke and every word felt like stones hitting together.

Jimmy soaked in his words. Paul led me away back to my trailer. I sat him down and studied his cheek.

"It's alright love, I've had worse." He quipped but I did not feel like laughing.

"I understand why Jimmy was upset but he should not have hit you." Stroking his cheek with my hand.

Paul kissed my hand, "It's okay. I'm okay. I'm not going to let this stop me. Not now since I just got you." He breathed and my lungs shriveled.

Not thinking I leaned forward, putting his lips to mine.


	16. A Long Night

A large pounding on my door startled me awake. I grabbed my cardigan and covered myself.

"Who is it?" Asking as I stood by the door. It was my experience that if someone was pounding on your door in the middle of the night, it was not a good thing.

"It's Eve honey." She answered.

Letting out a sigh I opened the door, "Eve, what is it?" Questioning. She was in her pajamas.

"It's Elsa, she wants all of us gathered in the main tent." Eve told me but she seemed nervous. I did not question her. I simply put my flats on and closed the door following her.

All of us made our way to the main tent. All of us confused and dressed in our night clothes. Catching eyes with Paul I tried to know what was going on.

Except he met my face with the same look of disorientation I was sure was on my face.

When we walked into the tent we stopped. Miss Elsa was tearing down her birthday banner and throwing her presents about.

She seemed wild, "You ungrateful ingrates! I rescue you from the squalor of your miserable existences, and this is how you repay me? Huh? With accusations, disgusting rumors! Now, which one of you believes that I had anything to do with the disappearance of those girls?" She screeched at us.

I hugged my arms to myself. This bad. This was bad. Very bad.

"Huh? Speak up! But you're not shy about gossiping behind my back, are you? Go ahead, say it! Say it to my face!" She yelled to all of us. My stomach turned, this was not going to end well. I just knew it.

Miss Elsa went up to Toulouse who was standing on the table, "Toulouse, have you forgotten where I found you? Huh? Shackled to that chain gang, chipping away at rocks with that pathetic baby pickax? Huh? Have you forgotten who bribed the guard to let you out? Who?!" Screeching more screeching. She pushed him and he stumbled back on the table.

I hugged myself tighter. I did not feel like I was around Miss Elsa but another screaming Nazi.

"Elsa you got it all wrong." Jimmy tried reasoning with her but it did not work.

She now moved her wrath onto Salty and Pepper, "You away in that shit-smeared orphanage! Huh? Even your sister didn't want you anymore! Your family sent you away! You'd still be lying there in that urine-soaked mattress, starving, gnawing on rats." Pepper whimpered back from her. Frightened. Miss Ethel came up and comforted them.

Miss Elsa attacked her presents once more, "Look at these. Look at these! Trinkets! Shabbily made! Confectioneries! They're all meaningless! Meaningless! Meaningless! You should be ashamed. After everything that I have done for you, huh? Everything that I have sacrificed for us."

She paused and started crying, " For our family. And I still have not won your trust." Sobbing out as her voice cracked. My throat felt dry.

Jimmy stepped forward, "Elsa, calm down, course we trust you." Calmly telling her.

"Prove it to me." She cried out.

"How? T-Tell us a way. How can we convince you?" Miss Ethel was practically pleading with her.

She spun widely around, "The wheel." My eyes popped from my head. All the air was sucked from my lungs. She could not be serious!

"Nobody leaves here until one of you is strapped in and proves to me your unadulterated trust and loyalty. I will settle for nothing less." Oh my God she was serious.

There was a silence. Everyone looked at one another.

A long moment passed. I closed my eyes and opened my mouth...

"I'll do it." Jimmy spoke. I turned to him, looking at him as if he was crazy.

"No. Me. It should be me." Paul stated and I wanted to scream but no air would come out! Before I could even process what was happening Eve was strapping Paul onto the wheel.

I was shaking. I could not keep still. I felt Jimmy come up behind me. He placed his hand on my shoulder. I let out a yelp.

"Try not to miss love." Paul tried to joke. I bit my lip. I could not cry.

"I always miss darling, that's the point." Miss Elsa smiled.

"Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves for the most death-defying scene. It takes but a split second for this knife to travel from my fingertips to the edge of the wheel. A split second that separates life from death." She explained as if she was performing in front of a real audience.

"Spin the wheel, Eve." My throat clamped shut. My eyes met Paul. He smiled and I tried and failed to smile. I wanted to shout something, anything to him. But I could not.

The wheel started spinning and in what seemed to be a second later Miss Elsa was throwing her first knife narrowly missing the right side of Paul's head. A sound escaped from my throat but I could not make out what it was.

Miss Elsa was talking but I could not make out what she was saying. None of it mattered. Only Paul mattered.

I was biting my lip so hard I tasted blood. My chest was heaving and it was like all the air inside me was pushing down on my lungs.

She threw her second knife in between Paul's legs. More shouts and gasps. My legs almost buckled but Jimmy held me up right.

One more. Please, please please let this be over soon.

She threw her third knife.

All I heard was Paul gasping in pain. He had been stabbed in the side.

"Paul!" I screamed running over to the wheel.

Eve stopped the wheel and we frantically went to undo his restraints.

"Oh no!" Miss Elsa cried, "Oh my God! What have I done!"

Jimmy, Eve and I carried him down and gently placed him on the ground. There was blood soaking through his shirt. All of us huddled around him. Miss Elsa was crying.

"Eve no!" Jimmy and I shouted at the same time but it was too late. She pulled the knife from Paul's side eliciting a strong flow of blood from the wound.

"Oh God!" Panting I pressed my hand to the wound to try and minimize the blood flow.

"We need a doctor!" Miss Ethel shouted, "Call a doctor."

"I'll see to it." Miss Elsa cried, "Take him to the caravan."

Slowly Eve and Jimmy carried Paul into his caravan and laid him down onto his bed. Instantly I was at his side.

"Eve I need clean water. Jimmy can you go into my trailer and get my first aid kit. It is on the top shelf of my wardrobe. Miss Ethel can you hand me something clean." Barking orders every which way as I set to work.

Miss Ethel handed me towel and I turned to her, "Find me all the clean linens you have. Anything will do." Turning back to Paul as I soaked up his blood.

I waited till they all had left to go about their tasks before I broke.

The tears flooded my eyes, "Paul, my sweet Paul you have to hold on." Choking out.

He was so pale. His eyes closed shut.

"No, Paul, no. You have to keep your eyes open. Keep them open." Pressing him.

His eyes slowly opened taking every breath I had with them.

"Good, just keep them open for me." Soothing him.

Jimmy appeared with my first aid kit, "How is he?" Questioning in worry.

Wiping my hands I opened the kit and pulled out the sterilizing alcohol, "Not good. I need to clean the area or he will get an infection." I unscrewed the bottle, "Where is Miss Ethel?"

"Right here." She had a bundle of almost anything in her arms. I grabbed a clean linen cloth pouring the alcohol over it. Eve entered with the clean water in a bowl.

"Thank you all so much but right now he needs air. Could you all please wait outside, but stay nearby in case he needs something." Telling all three of them. A struggle crossed their faces. They did not want to leave their fallen comrade. But Jimmy was the first to move and Eve and Miss Ethel followed.

Turning back to Paul I noticed his forehead was drenched in sweat. Grabbing a rag from the pile I dipped it in the water Eve had left and draped it over his head.

His hand stirred, motioning me to sit down.

"What? What is it?" Frantically asking him.

"Kiss me." He breathed out.

Grabbing his face I kissed him with everything I had.

Breaking away I wiped the tears from my face, "You will be alright. I promise. I will not, I cannot lose anyone else I love." Crying in determination.

"You love me?" Paul asked in a weak smile.

All I could do was look at him, "Of course I love you, you idiot." Laughing through my tears. His smile became wider until he winced in pain bringing me back to the job I had to do.

Grabbing the scissors from my kit I cut open Paul's shirt peeling it away from him. I gasped taking in the tattoos on his chest. They were more intricate than the ones covering his arms.

They were beautiful.

In spite of everything I still managed to blush at the sight of the man I loved shirtless before me.

I grasped the sterilized linen in my hands, "This is going to sting." Warning him. I went to work trying to ignore his gasps of pain and moaning. I tried to focus and channel everything my aunt had taught me.

Once clean, I inspected the wound. The bleeding had slowed but he was still deathly pale. Where the hell was the doctor! If his wound did not get closed soon then he might risk bleeding out again.

"I'll be right back." Whispering to him, giving a kiss to his forehead.

Stepping outside the caravan I was met by everyone.

"How is he?" Suzy asked me.

"He is stable for now but if we do not close the wound soon he could risk bleeding out." Explaining to all of them. An air of dread covered everyone.

"Where is the doctor?" Frustratingly asking them.

Jimmy shook is head, "We have no idea. We thought Elsa called him."

"Paul cannot hold on much longer if we do not doing anything." I paused.

I knew what had to happen. I had seen it done before.

Closing my eyes I heard Miss Ethel say, "What are we gunna do?"

Taking a deep breath I felt my chest expand and collapse. I opened my eyes, "I will need a sort of fishing line, tackling or something. Jimmy in my trailer on my table is my sewing kit, bring it to me." Speaking in clarity.

Everyone paused taking in my requests.

"You...you don't mean to tell me..." Eve trailed.

"You can't stitch up Paul with fishing wire!" Jimmy hollered.

"What choice do we have!" Shouting back, "If we do not do anything soon he will die. I have seen stitching done before." Pausing, "It is just like sewing." Lying on the last part. I hoped it was like sewing.

"None." Jimmy solemnly answered back as he ran to get my sewing supplies.

"Somebody get me the strongest liquor you have. We will need to sedate him." Talking to anyone. They all scattered to find their secret stashes.

Stepping back inside I sat down beside Paul, taking his hand, "Do you trust me?" Asking him.

"With my life." He replied in pure certainty.

"I am going to need to stitch up the wound and it will hurt. I am sorry." Tears pricking my eyes.

"Do what you need to do love. I trust you." Paul smiled as best as he could.

Pressing my forehead to his I prayed with all my strength to my papa and mama for guidance and confidence. I cannot believe I was going to do this.

* * *

Paul had drunken the strongest whiskey Suzy could find. I sterilized one of my sewing needles and the fishing wire.

I was trying to hide my shaking so badly. I really contemplated taking a few sips of that whiskey but I advised against it. I needed a clear head.

"Hey." Jimmy spoke. I turned to face him, "If anyone has this, it's you." He told me. He was staying in the room in case Paul need to be...restrained.

I gulped oh God I was completely insane, "Paul I am going to begin now." Squeaking out.

He murmured a drunken yes and smiled.

Taking the needle in my hand I had to will my hands to stop shaking so I could thread the needle.

I stared at Paul.

One minute passed, then two. Three.

I put the needle down. Jimmy was about to speak but I stopped him.

Bending my head I pressed my hands together in prayer, "Gerbiamas teta Morta, prašome žiūrėti per žmogų myliu. Apsaugoti jį ir laikyti jį išsaugoti . Duok man jėgų."

Without a second thought or tremor in my hand I picked up the needle and stuck it through Paul's skin. He made an audible moan but it was not too horrible. I kept going. Pushing out the noises of Paul and his pain. I only focused on the needle's motions. Going in and out, in and out.

It took almost and hour. I did not think it should have been that long but I was painstakingly thorough not missing any detail. I did not want Paul to have a nasty scar.

I knew what it was like to be stuck with something forever on your body that you absolutely loathed.

When it was done I stared at Paul. He was asleep. I was not sure when he had passed out.

Jimmy came over and hugged my shoulders, "You did so great." He whispered and kissed my head. I do not know why but for some reason I burst into tears after he did this. Jimmy did not do anything except hold me tight until I was finished crying. I hugged him hard letting all of my pain out.

"I am sorry." Hiccuping as I pulled away from him.

"We've all had a rough night." Was all he said.

* * *

I do not know how long Paul was asleep but I stayed next to him the whole time. Eve, Jimmy, Miss Ethel even Meep tried to relieve me but I was not moving. I was rooted to the chair beside him.

The whole time all I did was watch him. I did not fall asleep. I did not let my mind wander to dark places. I just simply watched the man I love sleep.

If it was not obvious before that we were together it was now. The thought made me laugh.

"Madalina?" Paul stirred.

"Yes Paul." Sprinting from the chair to his side.

He opened his beautiful eyes for me.

"How are you feeling?" Replacing the cloth on his head.

"I'm alright love. Just sore." He smiled. I grabbed a glass of water and held it to his lips. He drank, thankfully.

I put the glass down and stared out his window. The night was still strong and full.

"What is it love?" He asked me.

What an absurd question to be asking me! I was supposed to be asking him if he was okay. I did not get stabbed by a knife, he did!

"You could have died tonight." I was so sick and tired of crying but yet I started crying again!

"Madalina." Paul soothed, "I'm going to be fine. Thanks to you."

"There is something I need to tell you." Whispering.

He waited but the words would not come out.

"Just take your time sweetheart." Paul rubbed my arm.

I pulled my arms away from him. I knew he was confused and hurt. I would have to do this quickly.

My hand would not stop shaking, and I did not think I would be able to stop it.

Slowly I pulled up the left sleeve of my cardigan.

"I have not told you everything about me." Whispering to him.

My Auschwitz tattoo was the only thing in the room we focused on.

Barely hearing myself, "Do you know what a concentration camp is?"


	17. Would It Make Any Sense?

**Hi everyone sorry this chapter took so long but I was having a lot of trouble writing it out. I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

"Madalina what are you talking about." Paul breathed.

"I have been lying to everyone here about where I really was during the War."

Gulping, "When I was nine the Nazis moved my family into a Ghetto near my town. The house my papa worked so hard to build had to be given up, Jews weren't allowed to own property. All of us were pushed into the Ghetto, my mama, papa, my uncle and his son; along with my two aunts, their children and my grandparents."

Paul stared at me. I did not know what to do.

Biting my lip, "When I was eleven the Ghetto was liquidated. Everyone was either killed there or sent somewhere else. Most believed we would be sent to another Ghetto, but others knew better. We did not want to believe it."

"Madalina I don't..." Paul trailed off.

"At eleven, my family and I were pushed into a crowded cattle car along with ninety other people. We did not know where we were going. I do not remember how long the trip was, four maybe five days. Almost no food, our water ran out quickly, people died in the train car from dehydration, lack of food, suffocation. My papa would hold me above his head so that I could breathe." Rushing out.

"I was the one who saw the camp first before our train came to a stop, papa was holding up to the window so I could get some air. I saw Auschwitz before I even knew what it was."

"And what was it?" Paul asked softly.

"A place of death." My voice hardened, "It has become the most well-known concentration camp that the Nazis established. It was made as an extermination camp and a work camp. Those who survived the selection process were made to work. After the doors to the cattle car opened we were pushed out and made to stand in lines. Men separated from women, the elderly separated from the young."

"My cousins were torn away from my aunts and they all stared screaming. My mama and I were separated from my papa and I started screaming and crying. So much screaming and crying on that arrival. A prisoner told me to lie about my age, to tell the guards I was thirteen instead of eleven, so I did." I sounded so hollow.

"The next thing I remember is being in a big room with all these women and we were waiting in line for something, but I did not know what it was. I just wanted to know where my papa was, where my cousins were taken too and my grandparents. Some guards yanked my mama from me and I started screaming again so my aunts had to calm me down. Then I was yanked forward. Men were shouting at me in German but I did not understand, they grabbed my left arm and started carving."

Looking down at my tattoo a tear slipped down my cheek, "I was no longer Madalina Lekeman, but a six digit number. We were told that the people we had been separated from we would see again, but that was a lie. They were murdered right after their arrival. My little cousins and my grandparents were killed with poisonous gas and then cremated in ovens, their ashes in the air while we choked on it."

"This seems almost impossible." Paul said to me.

I held my arm up, "Does this look impossible!" Exclaiming at him, "Does the murders of my sweet, little cousins seem impossible or my harmless grandparents?"

"Mada..." Paul started but I cut him off.

"What about my papa!" Yelling as I stood up, "When my mama, myself and my aunt Helena were transferred to Buchenwald he and my aunt Marta were all alone."

"Do you know how he died?" Questioning Paul even though I knew he could not possibly know the answer, "I learned from a survivor after the War that he had been killed by a guard at Auschwitz. He was shot in the back of the head." Sobbing, "But...he did not...he did not do anything wrong. He was...was just walking from one building to the next. Someone killed my papa just because they could." Hiccuping. I grabbed at my throat, clawing at the pain.

This was too much. All of it.

"Madalina come sit down before you pass out." He gestured next to him.

Clutching my sides I made my way over to him slower than a snail. I do not know why but I sat on the edge of the bed before deciding to lie down and curl up next to him. I was still crying and I could feel him trying to gather me in his arms so I snuggled closer.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry my love." Paul whispered to me as he kissed my head.

"I thought..." Hiccuping, "That maybe papa had survived, my uncle, Petras, or even my aunt Marta. Maybe I had someone left."

"What happened to your aunt Helena and your mother?" He asked quietly.

"My aunt Helena was a seamstress so she was sent to work making soldiers uniforms, all I know about sewing I learned from her. She had not been dealing well when her children were taken from from, which is understandable."

I paused, "She went crazy." Slowly letting the words slip from my lips.

"One day one of the top commanders at the camp came to ask my aunt Helena to make a beautiful dress for his four year old daughter, a birthday present. Aunt Helena was the best seamstress in the camp." Giving a small smile.

"She very well could not turn one of the top commanders down so she agreed to do it but she said it would take a long time, everything needed to be perfect she said. The dress took four weeks to complete but Helena finished it. The commander was coming down in the morning to pick it up."

I closed my eyes, "The other seamstresses told us how they found her. Helena had gotten up early and quietly made her way over to the workshop. She picked up some bolts of fabric and tied them tightly together, then she took the child's dress and made a noose." Tears prickled down my face.

Paul sucked in his breath but he waited for me to continue, "That is how they found her, hanging from the rafters with that dress wrapped around her neck connecting with the other bolts of fabric. She just...got tired of living with it all, she knew her children were dead and she wanted to join them."

"It nearly broke my mothers heart but she always said at least she had me." My voice drifted off fading into the silence. I stared at the walls of Paul's caravan hoping the world would disappear forever and me along with it.

"How did she..." He did not want to finish the thought.

"She became ill, the camp was always rampant with disease and filth. It was not hard to contract something especially when you are being starved of food and made to do hard labor."

"They had a 'hospital' at the camp but it was a place no one wanted to go too." Murmuring into Paul's side pushing the cursed building from my mind.

"Why not?" He asked me rubbing my arms.

"That is how you were sent to the gas chambers. If you became ill or injured and sent to the hospital barrack then the guards would know and you would be deemed useless. You could not be useless in a place like that, so instead you were killed." Explaining it to him.

God I was so tired.

"When mama contracted typhoid I did all that I could to keep any guards from finding out. I gave her half of my rations everyday, I let her lean on me during roll call, made sure she hid from the guards, did most of her work detail for her." My voice quieted off into the air.

"In the end it was not enough." Sobbing into Paul, "One morning I woke up to find her dead next to me. She had died during the night, her face...she looked so peaceful." Sobbing harder.

"When they tried to take her body away I went mad. I clung onto her lifeless corpse, crying and screaming that they could not take her. She would not be turned into ash and scattered into the air for me to choke on."

Pausing I wiped at my face, "It took over an hour but three guards finally pulled me from her. I kept crying and they were screaming at me to shut up and get to work but I did not move. Not even when they started beating me, I just took it. I could feel their blows but I did not care. They gave up and just left me crumpled on the floor." Sniffling.

For a few minutes nothing was said as I kept crying and Paul kept rubbing my arms or kissing the top of my head to let me know he was still there.

"After that...I became very depressed. Before I had a reason for living, I had my aunt and my mama with me, but now I had no one. I began to doubt whether any of my family was still alive. I became a shell living life through a circle of roll calls, work, and sleep. I did not care if anything happened to me, and then something did. I fell ill, typhoid just like my mama." Telling Paul quietly.

"Towards the final days before the liberation a resistance rose up within the camps and overtook the camp, though there was not much left to take. Most of the guards had fled because they could sense the end was coming. By that time I was so delirious from typhoid I did not know what was happening. I just laid in my barrack and waited to die to be with my mama."

"That is how I met Thomas." Sitting up to look at Paul.

"What?" He questioned in bewilderment.

"He was part of the Army group that liberated Buchenwald, he found me in the barracks. When he picked me up I thought I was floating. I thought I had died but then I heard a voice speaking fractured German. I opened my eyes to see the bluest eyes staring back at me. He was telling me everything was alright now, I was safe now. I tried speaking to him but he could not understand me. The next thing I remember is waking up in hospital two weeks later."

"I never learned of the man who had saved my life until I came here, to Jupiter. I saw him when I went down to the police station to get Meep back. Thomas remembered me, but then again you do not forget someone under those circumstances I suppose..." Trailing off.

I giggled and it caught Paul off guard, "What is so funny?" He asked me.

Shaking my head, "Just the fact that the one place I settle down in America, is the same place where I am reunited with the man who saved my life. The universe is a odd thing, it was like I was meant to come here. To see Thomas again, to meet everyone here."

"To meet you." Biting my lip staring into Paul's eyes. I brushed some hair away from his face, smiling at him.

"I'm glad you came here. You've saved my life too. In more ways than what you did for me tonight." Giving me a gentle smile that warmed me to my toes.

Pausing I took some air into my lungs, "I have never told this to anyone who was not there, or who did not at least experience what it was like to be there. To see that place, those places. To feel the death and despair hanging ever constant in the air."

"You're afraid of what people will say, how they will react?" Paul spoke in more of a statement than a question.

Nodding my head I glanced down at my tattoo, "That is why I keep this covered. A literal daily reminder of what happened not only to me but millions like me. I could not...I will not have this be the only thing people see about me. I have to be more than just a set of numbers."

"Madalina you are. Nothing will ever define you unless _you_ let it define you. You survived a...situation that is beyond the normal use of words to describe it. You came out stronger on the other side for it, even if it doesn't feel like it. And I wish I could somehow go through it for you." Paul leaned forward and brushed my tears away.

Damn my crying!

"I wish I could take your pain away. I wish I could bring your family back. I wish it was me in that Hell and not you. I would take it all away if I could, for you, to spare you from everything you went through." He breathed out as our foreheads touched, "I love you and you will always have me for as long as you want me."

I wanted to grab him and fuse us together. I never wanted to be separated from this man. Cupping his cheeks in my hands I felt his soft skin in my hands.

"Paul I love you. I will always want you." Whispering before I kissed him.

It was wet because of all my tears and dry at the same time because my throat felt like cotton because of everything I had poured out of my soul. It was equally balanced.

It was perfect.

Even if together we were not perfect and we did not make much sense to the outside world.

We were different but that was alright.


	18. Iron Door

I stayed with Paul the whole night. I would not be separated from his side. All night we drifted in and out of sleep taking breaks from sharing information about our lives. There was nothing to hide now, and it was refreshingly free to be able to talk with Paul about everything from my life. I loved this man more because he saw beyond my past, my terror, my nightmares to what I was now.

A woman trying to find her way in life.

We had made our own little world inside the caravan. Nothing and no one could touch us. Which is why my heart started to fall when I saw the sun fast approaching. The creeping light mocking us as it disturbed our peace.

Paul could sense my anxiety, "Nothing will change my love." He smiled and my heart fluttered as his eyes caught the rays of light turning them a deeper pale blue.

Leaning forward I pressed my lips to his.

"I trust you." Saying it more for him than myself. There was a knock on the door. Quickly I sat down in the chair by the bed but then Paul started flapping his arms.

"What?" Panicking thinking he was in pain or something was wrong.

"Your arm." He whispered as the door opened. Gasping I looked down to see my tattoo exposed to the world. I yanked my sleeve down so hard I thought I would rip the fabric.

Jimmy came in and shut the door. I had a brief moment to mouth a 'thank you' to Paul who smiled in return.

"Hello Jimmy, how are you this morning?" Asking in a polite tone but frowning noticing the sour look on his face.

"What's wrong mate?" Paul inquired.

There was a pause, "I'm leaving...today." Startled we both stared at him, "Esmeralda and I are picking up and heading out...together."

I was speechless.

Silence ticked by.

"She loves me, she wants to be with me. I figured if you could get your happy ending then maybe I could too." Gesturing to Paul and I.

"Jimmy...are you sure about this?" Carefully asking him.

His shoulders slumped, "I thought you'd guys be excited for us." His face sank.

"No, no mate we are..." Paul trailed off.

I cut in, "We just do not want to see you get hurt."

Silence once more.

Chewing my lip I considered what Jimmy wanted and life was short. Too short. I was all too painfully aware of that fact. Jimmy just wanted to be loved and live his life.

Standing I gave him a hug, "You must promise to write. Against my better judgement I have actually grown to like you." Feeling the chuckle in his body.

"We want you to be happy Jimmy, and if Esmeralda makes you happy then you have our blessing." Paul said with a smiled.

Giving him a final squeeze I let him go and sat back down taking Paul's hand in mine.

"Thanks guys...but there is one thing I gotta do before we leave. That's why I came to talk to you both."

"What do you need to do?" Questioning him.

"I think you both were right, about Elsa I mean. The deal with the twins." Jimmy explained to us.

Paul and I exchanged glances, "What made you change your mind mate?"

"I don't know...after what happened last night...the way she acted. It just doesn't feel right anymore." Jimmy rubbed his neck.

"So what are you going to do?" Trying to figure this out.

"I'm gonna go to Dandy Mott and ask him myself if he knows anything about the twins; if he has them." Telling us.

"Are you sure that is safe?" Worry etching my features, "He does not seem like the worlds most stable person."

"I'll be alright. I mean I gotta get back to Esmeralda." He gave a soft smile, "When I get back we're leaving."

"Just let us know what you find out." Paul told him.

Jimmy nodded before leaving the trailer.

"And I thought America would be simple." Mumbling out loud.

* * *

The next two days were tense to say the least.

Jimmy brought the twins back, but I could tell not everyone, especially Jimmy, believed they left the camp of their own accord. That their story about wanting to experience the finer things in life was a lie.

I did not know what to believe.

Who to believe.

Jimmy and Paul stuck to their theory on Miss Elsa selling the twins to Dandy.

Miss Elsa said she lied only because the twins asked her too. That she was helping them all along.

My head was swimming with ideas and theories. I desperately wanted to believe that Miss Elsa would not sell two people just for her own benefit. Whether it was out of greed or jealously.

Or both.

Still. Something in my heart told me the balance was off.

Somebody was lying.

The only good thing was that Paul was healing well and was now out of the woods.

Esmeralda was angry with Jimmy that they did not leave town yet and I could see in her eyes questioning when they would. I know Jimmy wanted to leave just as badly as she did, but he was a family man. Right now something, whatever it was, was off with his family. So he stayed.

No one had seen Dell in three days. Not that most people were complaining. But I myself had the feeling he would bring trouble when he would show up again.

Top it off, Miss Ethel was feeling awful because of her liver so I volunteered to go with Desiree to take her to the doctor in town.

"Miss Ethel, we'll get this taken care of." Desiree soothed as we each held onto Miss Ethel to help her walk.

"Don't you worry about me. The good doctor's gonna fix me up, right as rain." She told us.

"You be sure and book your surgery." Miss Ethel added with a smile at her.

Desiree beamed, "Oh I will. I can hardly wait." I grinned at her enthusiasm as we walked up to the door.

"Closed for business? What on earth?" All three of us stared at the sign on the door.

"How can a doctor be closed for business?" Asking aloud.

Desiree opened the door. We stepped inside and called out but got no reply. All of us walked towards the doctors office only to find a woman packing everything away.

"Where's Dr. Bonham?" I asked this woman.

"He's dead." The woman bristled at us. We all gasped and went into despair.

"Spare me the theatrics. I'm not a fan of yours." She verbally spat at us.

This woman was so nasty. I disliked her so much yet I did not even know her name!

"Well you're a very rude young woman." Miss Ethel echoed my thoughts.

"Who are you?" Desiree asked her.

"I'm his daughter." She answered.

"Oh, you're the one he moved down here for?" Miss Ethel spoke.

"No. I'm the other one. The one without a husband and children." There was a pause and some obvious hostility in that particular relationship that made _me_ feel uncomfortable, "I came down from Boston to bury him."

"What happened to him?" I inquired.

"You killed him!" She yelled at us.

"We did no such thing!" Yelling back at her. Miss Ethel put her hand on my arm and tried to soothe me.

"Your very existence challenged his beliefs in God and science." Screeching at us, "So before he blew his brains out, he took a hammer and smashed both of his hands. The hands of a surgeon!"

"Oh God, what am I gonna do now?" Desiree appeared if she was about to cry. I did not even want to think about Miss Ethel.

"You're gonna get out, before I call the cops!" She told us.

Pausing I thought this over.

The statement of events did not make any sense.

"I am sorry he killed himself?" Asking her.

"Yes." She clipped back.

"And he broke both of his hands?" Repeating what she told us.

"Yes!" Yelling again, "All because of you people!"

"How?" Analyzing the situation.

"What do you mean how?" This woman screeched yet again throwing her hands in the air, "He took the gun..."

"No I am not asking that. I am asking how a man can break one of his hands, take the hammer and some how manage to hold it in his other hand while he possessed enough force to break the other hand; and then still manage to shoot himself in the head." Breaking down my theory.

Everyone fell quiet as they took in my words.

"It does not add up." Stating to her.

A few more seconds of silence went by before she started screaming at us, "Get out now!" We all hurried out of the house.

"You're right Lina, it don't make any sense." Desiree said as we slammed the door behind us.

Pausing on the front porch of the house I was trying to think. If this woman did not want to really believe what happened to her father then what could I do to find the truth?

"Desiree do you think you can get Miss Ethel back to camp by yourself?"

"Yeah I can...why?" Desiree was looking at me funny.

"I need to see someone." Descending the stairs but Miss Ethel caught my arm.

"Now hold on where you going?" She asked me.

"Do not worry I will be fine. I am just going to try to get to the bottom of this." Telling them, "If I am not back by sundown have Jimmy come into town to find me."

With that I left them and began jogging to the police station.

Entering through the doors I noticed the man at the desk grimaced when he saw me.

How pleasant that I was remembered.

"Is Deputy Chief Thomas Anderson here?" Inquiring with force.

As if on command Thomas appeared from his office.

"Madalina what are you doing here? Is everything alright?" Thomas began questioning in worry.

"Please tell me you have not buried Doctor Bonham yet."

* * *

Jimmy did eventually have to find me in town. It took a long time to try and tell Thomas everything I thought was wrong with the death of Dr. Bonham. Luckily it did make sense to Thomas when I explained it to him, though convincing the Chief of Police was a different story.

Thomas said to leave that to him, "No offense Madalina but the Chief hates you after what happened with Meep." I could tell it pained him to have to tell me this but all I did was laugh.

"I had a feeling I was not his most favorite person in the world." Thomas smiled at me and told me he would stop by the camp when he had the chance to fill me in on what happened with the Chief.

Giving him a hug I left the station and made my way to the post office to check my mailbox. Opening it I found two letters, one from Eliezer and one from Petras. No doubt writing to scold me about loving a man I had just met. I had a feeling in both letters there would be a vague threat of coming to America to take me home.

"Lina!" My name was shouted.

Exiting the post office I found Jimmy standing in front of his bike.

"Jimmy, hello. I am sorry you had to come to town, I should have just told your mother that I would walk back."

He shrugged his shoulders, "It's fine as long as you're okay. Who did you need to see in town?"

Letting out a sigh, "That is a long story." Silently communicating now was not the time nor place to go into detail.

"Looks like you got some letters from home." Jimmy gestured to my hand.

My face slightly crumpled as my shoulders drooped.

Jimmy sat up straighter, "What is it?"

"I do not really know what...where my home is anymore." Confessing to him. Lithuanian was no longer my home. France and Eliezer were no longer my home. I did not even know if America would be my home.

My home was taken from me. Murdered in an instant along with my innocence.

"Sometimes home isn't a place. Sometimes it's with the people you care about no matter where you are." He said softly.

I looked at the sun that began to fade onto the horizon, "I miss them." Whispering, swallowing the lump in my throat.

Jimmy stepped forward and wrapped me in his arms. There was silence but it was welcomed as it enveloped us. But the letters left like leaded weights in my hand.

* * *

The iron door began to produce a small noise from the other side.

Then another noise.

A pounding.

Until it was not just one, but five, ten, no fifty maybe a hundred noises pounding from the other side of the door.

Fists beating against the iron. Trying to escape. Trying to be free.

Stepping forward I peered through the small glass window.

Screaming. Writhing in torment. Choking on the air surrounding them. Faces. Hundreds of them, dying; while I stood and watched.

Doing nothing. Saying nothing.

A face appeared on the opposite side of the glass startling me.

"Senelis!" Screaming as I watched my grandfather. I grabbed the door handle and began to pull.

Nothing.

I tried again. Nothing.

Again.

Nothing.

Pounding on the door I screamed for help.

No one answered except the screams from the iron door.

My grandfather's face turned purple as he let out one more gasp before disappearing from my view.

Everything went quiet. The screams, the writhing, the pounding stopped.

"Senelis! Senelis!" Screeching as I banged harder on the door.

Harder, harder, harder! Cursing for the door to open!

"Open!" Shouting as someone yanked me from the door.

"Lina! Wake up!" Someone was shaking me. My eyes snapped open.

Jimmy was standing over me as I tried to fill my lungs with air while I choked down my sobs.

"Hey, hey it's okay, you're alright. It was only a dream." Struggling as I pulled myself from him.

Only a dream! Only a dream! It was a nightmare, real and true.

"What is it?" Questioning as I tried to bring myself together, "Is it Paul?"

"It's Eve, somethings happened. She's with my ma and Suzy. She needs to be looked over so ma told me to get you." He explained. I went to move but realized I was still in bed in my nightgown.

"Could you..." Trailing off as I moved to cover myself and my left arm.

"Oh..what? Yeah sorry." He flustered out as he turned around.

"What happened to Eve? How did she hurt herself?" Asking as I grabbed my cardigan and slipping my shoes on.

There was a pause, "Dell attacked her." Immediately I stilled, "We think he was trying to rape her." All the air that I had tried to put back in my lungs escaped once more.

"Where is he now?" Questioning in a disbelieving whisper.

I knew that when Dell reappeared at camp he would bring the worst kind of trouble with him.

"We don't know. He fled camp right after Eve kicked his ass." A small smile appeared on Jimmy's face with that last information.

Reaching for my bag I opened my wardrobe and tucked my First Aid kit inside along with some clean rags.

The walk to Miss Ethel's trailer was quiet as the dawn began creeping into the sky.

The first one I heard was Eve, "And all I can think about is his grubby hands all over me." Eve winced and tried to remove her hand from a bowl.

"No, keep your hand on ice. Your swelling will never go down." Miss Ethel told her as her hand went back on the ice, "Oh Lina thank God you're here."

I tried to smile but could only muster one barely touching my lips. Setting my bag down I kneeled and took in Eve's face.

"Some minor cuts. You will have a few bruises but those should heal in a few days, maybe a week." Looking her over, "Eve did you hit your head on anything hard?" Asking her.

She nodded, "When we crashed to the floor."

"Okay I am going to perform a test to see if you have a concussion, just follow my fingers." She followed my instructions as I moved my fingers passed her head and into her line of sight watching to see her pupils.

"I do not think you have a concussion but you should lightly ice your head if you feel pain."

Thoroughly I examined Eve's hand to check if it was broken.

"Dell's done a lot of rotten things, but this? He must be out of his got to get our facts straight so when we go to the cops." Nodding my head at his sound plan.

"Cops?" Miss Ethel broke in staring at her son as if he had two heads, "You of all people saying that."

She shook her head, "Dell is our problem; we're gonna fix it." Seemingly adamant.

"But Miss Ethel if we involve Thomas I know he will try and do everything he can. I mean look at what he did for us in the woods." Speaking the truth.

Again she shook her head, "We're gonna sneak into his trailer, kill him."

"Miss Ethel!" Gasping at her.

No! No! No killing even if it was Dell.

Jimmy shared my sentiment, "What?! Whoa, whoa! Ma, where's this coming from?" Exclaiming at her.

Suddenly Miss Ethel looked very tired. She sat down in a chair, "I know him Jimmy. I know what he's capable of. And you don't." Steeling her eyes at him.

"Jesus ma, at least let me talk to him!" Jimmy shouted.

"What if he'd come after Maggie? You'd be the first one charging in with a gun." Eve bit out at him.

"You don't know what it's like, peepers flipping up our skirts." Suzy added in disgust.

"You know what your problem is, Jimmy? You're stuck on the rosy notion that the world operates on goodness, decency. Truth is..all goodness guarantees ya is an early grave."

"Miss Ethel..." Trailing off. It felt like her words were pulling me into an early grave. All the hope had left her character, "We cannot become murderers! We are better than that!" Raising my voice in the tiny space.

She continued as if she had not even heard me, "But the biggest joke of all, the thing that'll sink ya every time is hope. Hope that the world will right itself. That the just will be rewarded and the wicked punished. Oh, once you buy into that horseshit, you're dead in the water."

Tears formed in her eyes, "The only way to survive in this disgusting godforsaken world is to take control. Ain't nobody gonna take care of our people but us."

Jimmy just stared at Miss Ethel wondering where on earth his mother was and who was this woman in front of him.

"Dell hurt one of our own, we can't let him get away with that. Can't let that degenerate prick win. He's got to pay." Her voice was coated in tears as she collapsed farther into the chair.

"He will ma, he will." Jimmy pleaded to his mother coming to her distress, "I can make it right. I'll kick his ass to the curb, I'll tell him to get the hell out of here, never come back! Trust me. I can handle Dell." I had to believe Jimmy, the force in his words made me believe in him.

"You handle him..." there was a pause, "Or we will." Her calm threat rang loudly through my ears.

Packing up my kit, Jimmy and I walked out of the trailer.

A minute of silence creeped by before I spoke, "Do not worry. You know how to protect your people and you will do just that." Giving him a squeeze on the arm and a small smile.

But something stirred in my stomach.

Trouble would not be far once Dell returned to camp.


	19. Hollow

*I know this chapter is kind of short, but it was really important to write and I hope I did a good job. Please review!

* * *

"Miss Ethel may have lost her mind." Telling Paul as I snuggled closer to him.

I had snuck out of my trailer late into the night. I did not want to be alone, especially after the nightmare I had of my senelis. It was nice to have someone to run to when life became too dark. Now it was the early morning and I was nestled in Paul's arms after explaining what happened the last two days.

"Has anyone seen Jimmy yet?" Paul asked.

Shaking my head, "No not since he left last night after dinner to track down Dell. I hope he is okay." Fiddling with the sleeve of my dress. I did not even bother to change out of my clothes.

"Do you think you'll tell the others." Paul's question snapped at my thoughts.

"I do not know if they would understand. I mean there are plenty of people who are perfectly content in thinking what happened in Europe was fake. That something like that...a mass murder of so many people could happen." There was a bitterness to my voice.

Paul was about to say something but I interrupted, "I got two letters yesterday; one from Petras and one from Eliezer. I told them about you and I." Blushing at the last part.

Paul smiled, "Oh really what did they say?"

Reaching up I pulled the letters from my pocket, "Let us find out." Grinning at him as I opened the letter from Petras and settled back into Paul.

The letter was written in Lithuanian so I had to translate for Paul.

Scanning the lines I started laughing, "He asks if I have lost my mind. Also that, I am to young to be in love." Shaking my head at my overprotective cousin.

"Aren't you twenty sweetheart?" His brows furrowed.

"Yes." Giggling, "But to be fair, I believe if I was fifty Petras would still say I am to young." I read more of the letter.

"Ha! I was correct!" Proudly stating.

"What about?" His hands skimmed my arms.

"I had a feeling there would be a vague threat from one of them to say they would come to America and drag me back to Europe." Rolling my eyes.

"He's just being protective, I mean you're the only family he's got left." Feeling Paul kiss my forehead.

Nodding, "I know. I half wish they would come here so they could meet you and see how wonderful you are." Grinning at him. As I opened the letter from Eliezer.

"You are in luck, Elie knows English because of his job." Telling him.

My eyes read over his perfect cursive, "Madalina, as I suspect I am not the only one who is upset with your new found love. You are just lucky I am not as strict as Petras."

"That is not true." Rolling my eyes before I continued.

"But this is where I am in luck." My brow furrowed with confusion, "As fate would have it, at the end pf the month I will be going to New York City for an assignment for my paper. I thought I would take a few extra days and come down to Florida to visit you!" My voice rose with excitement.

"This gives me a chance to visit you in Jupiter, and meet your new friends and 'your Paul', as you call him." Now I was blushing harder as I felt Paul chuckle behind me.

"I will arrive in New York on the 19th, then go down to Jupiter on the 23rd. I cannot wait to see you, much love, your Elie."

"I cannot believe Eliezer is coming to Jupiter to visit me!" Jumping up around on the bed as Paul laughed at my antics, "He will meet you and absolutely love you like I do."

"This is so great love, I'm happy for you." Paul kissed me.

We broke apart when we heard loud shouting from outside.

Paul sighed, "Jesus Christ, what now?" Questioning as we got up and opened the door.

"Oh sweet Lord." Huffing out as I saw Jimmy and Dell stumble into camp signing, arms around each other. Clearly drunk.

"Well...I didn't see that coming." Paul tried to joke but he just sounded tired.

"Hey! You two are drunk." Miss Elsa came out of her tent, pointing out the obvious, "I won't have you wake up the entire camp with your caterwauling."

"Too late for that." Paul, Desiree and I said at the same time.

Desiree was stomping into the clearing, "Jimmy, don't let that man corrupt you with his bad habits. You still got time to be somebody."

"Aw he is somebody, he's my son!" Dell shouted into the air.

We all went still but not before I let out a gasp. I felt is if my eyes would pop out of my head.

"Thought I wouldn't go through with that, did you, Dessi? But I'm proud to admit it. Jimmy's my son!" Dell shouted once more while I was still trying to wrap my head around this.

How could Jimmy be Dell's son? He was the exact opposite of what Dell was. Jimmy was good and pure. Dell was not.

"Yeah." Jimmy yelled in drunken excitement.

"Wow." Miss Elsa began to clap sarcastically, "Congratulations, huh? Must have taken real courage to finally proclaim your progeny after 24 years." For some reason that should have stung Dell and Jimmy but it did not. They were too intoxicated to feel it.

But I did. I felt it for them.

"Why don't you two go to bed and sleep it off." Miss Elsa telling them rather than asking them.

"You know, Jimmy, this is the perfect time for me to tell you something that my father told me." Dell tried not to slur his words.

"What?" Jimmy was swaying from side to side.

"It's the Toledo code. The first minute you let a woman tell you what to do is the first minute you hand your balls to 'em." I rolled my eyes. This was vulgar, stupid advice even for a drunkard.

"I want to keep my balls." Jimmy said like a child whose toy was about to be taken away.

"You hold onto to them son." Dell stated proudly.

Jimmy rattled off, "Things are gonna change around here, Elsa. No more bossing us around, okay? You got two strong bulls here ready to run this whole joint."

This was not the Jimmy I knew.

"Oh for God's sake." Stomping down the steps.

I walked over to Jimmy and slapped across the face.

The air crackled in astonishment at what I had just done.

"Snap out of this Jimmy!" He was still blinking from the slap, "This is not who you are. You are not Dell, you are better than that! Better than him!"

"Right now I see no bull! Just a frustrated drunk!" Shouting as loud as I could to try and get the point across his inebriated brain.

"Hey don't talk to my son like that you stupid European trash!" Dell shoved himself in front of Jimmy and right in my face.

"Hey! Don't you talk to her like that!" Paul yelled coming down the stairs, "She's three-times the person you'll ever be." Standing protectively beside me.

Moving past Dell I grabbed Jimmy and made him look at him, "It is just like Desiree said, you still have time to be somebody. Do not be like Dell!" Forcing him to understand, "Everything you have done in life, you have done without him!"

My force of gravity shifted as someone pushed me roughly into the dirt. I hit the ground sharply and winced from the pain shooting up my side. Dell was standing above me as mad as a bull.

"Listen here, no filthy Jew is going to tell my son what is and what anit." His words hit me like a wave of anger and ignorance. I had to breathe through my nose and claw at the dirt to keep from screaming.

Desiree ran over and her and Paul helped me up. My eyes formed into slits as I stared at Dell.

"Have you lost your mind you stupid son of a bitch!" Desiree screeched as she wrapped an arm around me.

The ruckus caused more people to appear from their trailers and tents to see what was happening.

"Don't you ever touch her again or I will kill you.." Paul seethed, deadly serious.

Even Jimmy spoke some rational sense in his drunk state, "Dell, buddy that wasn't cool." Though his words came out in a odd mumble.

Getting up I silently brushed the dirt from my dress not looking at Dell till I was done.

"I may be a filthy Jew." Spitting out at him, "But I will be more than you ever will be. As I told you before, all you are is a scared little boy hiding in the shadows. Hiding from your demons and your past." With that I turned around.

"You bitch!" He tried attacking me. I dodged him but he was still able to grab onto my arm. I tried tugging but he would not let me go.

"You are nothing." Dell shouted.

"Let go of me you insane, ignorant šunsnukis!" Suddenly there was a loud rip and I jolted forward almost falling to the ground again but Paul managed to steady me.

"Hey Lina what's on your arm?" Jimmy slurred.

My heart stopped beating. Literally stopped beating. There was no sound in my chest.

Slowly I looked down and it was there for everyone to see.

Staring at me. Mocking me. Laughing at me.

Exposed. Too exposed.

Swinging my head up everyone was still and staring at me.

Disappear! Disappear! Disappear!

That was all I wanted.

"Oh God, I didn't want it to be true." Miss Elsa breathed. My eyes snapped to hers. She looked she like was going to cry. How? How? How did she know.

"Hey Lina I didn't know you had a tattoo! That's so cool!" Jimmy joyfully shouted.

The sound of a sob and a shrill cry escaped my body.

"Jimmy shut the hell up!" Paul screamed at him.

Paul went to touch me but I flinched away.

I grabbed my head in my hands and began to rock back and forth.

Disappear. Disappear.

"Madalina..." Paul tried to touch me again but I moved away.

"No!" Screeching at him.

Crushing my head harder into my hands willing my brain to stop, "No! I do not want your pity! Screw your pity!" Screeching at all of them. Everyone stared in disbelief. Eyes wild, jaws open.

I was a wild animal for everyone to gawk at. I dug my nails into my scalp so hard I felt blood. A sharp spasm shot into my skull.

Stop. Stop.

Breaking out into a sprint I headed for my trailer as I heard concerned calls behind me. But I did not stop until I was inside my trailer.

Running inside I locked the door and jammed one of the chairs under the handle.

I started to pace, running my hands through my hair.

They knew. Everyone knew now. Or would know. Everything would be different.

Because I was different. Because I was marked. Because I was weak.

The voices of the dead flooded into my head. The dead never leave. They never leave you alone.

All the screams I ever heard. All the dead bodied I ever saw. All the cries for lost ones. All of it rushed into my skull!

I heard gun shots. I heard the blows of beatings. I heard dogs tearing flesh. I heard electric fences.

The constant smell of burning flesh flooded my nose, making me gag. The ashes of the dead floating all around me. Never to escape. The ovens never leave you. The chimney's are always looming behind you.

Iron door. Iron door. Gas.

"Make it stop!" Screaming into the trailer. I began to pull at my hair, "Stop! Stop! Make it stop!" Pulling more of my hair into my hands.

There was knocking and pounding at my door, "Leave me be!" Shrieking at my door.

Looking down I saw my tattoo. Forever there to ruin my life!

I started yelling in Lithuanian, "I hate you! You have ruined everything!" Screwing my eyes shut I clasped my head and screamed and screamed, as I rocked my body back and forth.

All this rage surged into my body. I turned over a chair.

It was not enough.

I turned over another one.

Still not enough.

Before I could think I was turning over the table. I took the bowl at my vanity and threw it against the wall watching it smash into a million pieces. I did the same with my glass vase, scattering the flowers in it everywhere.

I pushed the the vanity to the ground. All I heard was the glass crash against the floor. "How much will you take from me!" Howling out in Lithuanian, "Have I not given enough!" Crying until my throat felt raw, as I flipped over my bedside table.

The picture of my mama and papa shattered to the floor.

I stopped. All my anger left my body.

"Mama...papa." Whispering as I dropped to my knees picking up the broken frame, cutting my hands on the glass.

"I am sorry." The tears spilled from my eyes, "I am sorry."

Clutching the frame to my chest I felt the glass stabbing me but I did not care. I curled myself into a ball, tucking my feet completely under my legs as I tried to make myself as small as possible.

As small as I felt.

"I am sorry." Sobbing onto the floor.

"Papa, mama I am sorry." Wailing into my chest. Crushing the photo to me as the sobs split me in two pieces, making me hollow.

Good I wanted to be hollow. If you hollow then you cannot feel anything. Nothing can hurt you. The darkness will come and claim you.

Sobbing I waited for the darkness to swallow me until there was nothing left.


	20. She Needs You

**Hi guys, sorry for the absence and the short chapter but it's setting up for what's to come. Please review! **

* * *

For the briefest of moments everyone was silent to what had just transpired. The shock settled a mute blanket over the entire camp, but then within the blink of an eye the spell was broken.

Paul was the first to awaken as he broke off into a run following Madalina. Eve followed close behind not entirely sure as to what was going on but still knew the situation, whatever it was, was not good.

Unfortunately Madalina was quicker than they were and by the time they had reached the trailer it was locked.

Desiree hung back for only a moment to screech, "I swear to God Dell if you have hurt that girl I will kill you myself personally!" Then she followed Paul and Eve as the pair began pounding on Madalina's door.

"I don't get what the big deal is? That kid just needs to grow some thick skin." Dell scoffed but his dark humor was short lived.

Elsa slapped him across the face. The sound echoing in everyone's ears.

"You stupid son of a bitch! Do you not realize what you have done?" Elsa screamed in his face.

Dell became stunned but only shortly before his rage filled his large frame, "Did what? I just showed her how it is!"

"You broke that girl!" Elsa roared at him. The force of her voice stunned him for the second time.

"All the pain, death and tortured memories that girl had been trying to repress since the war has just come rushing back to the surface at a pace she could not control, overwhelming her to an unfathomable state! All because of you, you stupid, ignorant asshole." Elsa hissed in his face.

"Madalina! Madalina open the door!" Paul was shouting as he heard things break and crash to the floor. He heard his beloved scream and howl in Lithuanian. Her noises piercing everything in his soul.

"Eve check the window on the side to see what's going on." Desiree told her as something else crashed inside the trailer.

As Eve went around the trailer to the window everything went quiet. Nervously she peered into the window not expecting what to find.

The sight stunned her, taking her breath away.

"Well...um she completely trashed everything in her trailer. She broke her vanity bowl, her vase, she smashed her mirror. Jesus there is glass everywhere. All the furniture except the bed and the wardrobe is turned over." Explaining the scene to them but her eyes kept coming back to Madalina.

"What about Madalina? Where is she?" Paul questioned next to her.

Eve shook her head, "I can't...she's..." She trailed off losing the words.

Waves of panic flooded through Paul, "Lift me up! Lift me up I need to see her."

Without a single noise Eve picked up Paul effortlessly and leveled his head with the window.

Paul made an indescribable noise, somewhere between a sob and a cry.

"Oh my poor sweetheart." A few tears slid down his face, "Baby, baby I'm so sorry. Please just please..." His words failed him as Paul couldn't stop staring at the woman he loved huddled on the dirty, glass stained floor with her back to him. The only way he knew she was breathing were the sobs racking her petite body over and over.

"Just please come back from this." Paul whispered pressing his forehead against the glass. His breath fogging up the window.

* * *

The minutes turned to hours as a small group of people camped outside of Madalina's trailer. Anxiously waiting for any sign of life from the once vibrant young woman.

Jimmy had joined them after his mother dunked his head underwater and plied him full of black coffee. Now his insides turned and twisted but not from his throbbing hangover. No, he felt like absolute shit for what he said to Madalina when he was drunk. He hated himself for what he said and what he did. For God's sake he was the drunken idiot who pointed out the tattoo..her tattoo-the thing that broke her.

Dell had made himself scarce yet again, but this time it was for the best.

Paul had not moved from his spot since he planted a chair right outside his beloved's door. From what he could tell the crying had stopped about two hours ago.

But that did nothing to make him feel relieved. Now she just lay quiet on the floor of her trailer. Never once moving from her spot.

"She is going to be okay. She'll come back and everything will be okay." Jimmy quietly spoke, his head in his hands.

"And what exactly are you basing on that Jimmy?" Paul snapped at him, "This is all your bloody fault, you and Dell!"

Jimmy groaned, "I know! You don't think I know that!"

The sound of footsteps running towards them made everyone turn around.

"Hey." Thomas ran towards them, "What the hell is going on?" He questioned to everyone.

"What are you doing here?" Paul rose from his seat.

"Well I was coming by to talk to Madalina about a case she asked me to look into. I told her I would stop by once I talked to the Chief. I get here and Miss Mars tells me Madalina is in a bad shape." Thomas explained, "Now I ask again, what the hell is going on?"

There was a pause of silence. Thomas began to sweat.

"Everyone found out about...what happened to her during the war. About where she was and what _they_ did to her." Paul's voice dripped in sadness.

Thomas let out a loud a curse and ran his hand through his hair, "How'd everyone find out?"

Everyone turned their gaze towards Jimmy who hung his head lower if that was even possible.

"Some drunken idiot and his asshole father caused quite a row and Madalina got caught in the middle of it." Eve seethed at Jimmy.

"Look I feel like crap okay! And I know that doesn't make it any better but I hate myself over what happened!" Jimmy yelled out.

"Dell was having words with Madalina and he went to grab her...long story short he ripped her sleeve and everyone saw her tattoo." Paul spoke.

"Shit." Thomas quietly cursed and rubbed a hand over his face. Everything about the day April 11, 1945, flooded into his skull. But what he saw most of all was the emaciated body he encountered when he entered an almost empty barrack. The body he didn't even know was a woman until he was actual staring into her face. Looking sixty, never guessing she was just barely a teenager. Weighing nothing more than a child.

"She took off after that. Locked herself in her trailer and trashed everything in it. Screaming and yelling in Lithuanian. Eve lifted me up to her window where I found her sobbing on the floor. That was hours ago. Now she's just been silent." Paul whispered.

"So what do we do?" Thomas asked in an open question.

"She needs you." Paul said so softly it was almost impossible to hear him. This was killing him that he couldn't help the woman he loved, but if someone else could then he was going to bloody make sure they would.

"What?" Thomas was bewildered.

"Look none of us can even come close to what she is feeling but you know more about it than any of us." He reasoned.

"How can he help her?" Desiree inquired though her usual tone of sass was missing.

"You found her in that hell hole. You got her out. You've seen the things she's seen. If anyone can help bring her back then you can." Paul concluded though his insides were contorting from the agony.

"You mean...he...you were there?" Jimmy awed, but his question didn't get a response.

Thomas swallowed the lump in his throat.

"How do I get inside?" Asking as he stared at the door.

He could do this. He had to. Because he didn't know what would happen to her if he failed.


	21. Do I Even Want This Life?

**Please Review and tell me what you think!**

* * *

It is hard for oneself to say, "Clear your mind. Do not think of anything." In theory it seems easy, but the reality is far more difficult.

I wanted to just be lying on the floor of my trailer, crushing my parent's photo to my chest and not think of anything.

But as usual I rarely ever got what I wanted these days.

For hours I laid on my floor having memory after memory pop into my head. I did not even try to push them away or repress them. I just let the ghosts of my past walk right in.

The result led to me not caring about anything. I did not care about myself. I did not care about the people who I knew were still outside my trailer. I did not even care about Paul. I did not care what happened to me. If I was to die on this floor then so be it.

I was tired.

Tired of the pain. Tired of the horror. Tired of the nightmares. Tired of the crying and screaming. Tired of the guilt.

The guilt is what hurt most of all.

Why did I have to survive when everyone else died? The world would have been a much better place if my mama or papa had survived. Or my aunts, or my uncle, or...anyone else would have been better.

More tears streamed down my face wetting the floorboards.

How did Petras deal with all this? How did he manage to move on with ease and get married and start a family? How did he start over?

How did Elie manage to take it day by day? How did he manage to find a job and travel all over and just...be okay?

I desperately wanted to be okay.

But I did not think that was ever going to happen.

Life was horrible.

Maybe it could do better without me.

A loud crash sounded from behind me, but I did not move.

Someone else had entered into the trailer from the window unless they could walk through walls like Edward Mordrake.

Mordrake...I should have just let him claim me that night, then I would not have to be dealing with any of this.

Footsteps echoed in the tiny trailer. Trying and failing to not step on the glass littering the floor.

Someone moved around me, "Madalina?"

My chest tightened. Please, no. Not that voice.

He walked over and stood right in front of me. Slowly he lowered himself in front of me, mimicking a hunter as he tried not to spook a doe. I still did not move when he pressed himself onto the floor and was staring into my eyes.

It truly seemed like a reversed nightmare. The same blue sapphires that stared into my soul and saved my life were now staring into what was left of my soul when I did not even want my life.

Time crawled on as nothing was said and all we did was stare at each other.

"You need to get up." Thomas finally spoke.

"No I do not." Replying in a voice completely removed of emotion.

"Yes you do Madalina. You have a lot of people out there worried about you."

I did not answer him. The minutes ticked by.

"You're bleeding." He tried again.

"You think I care about that right now? I do not care about anything, not even myself." Telling him.

More silence.

"Why did I live? I should have died. I was meant to die." Staring at him.

Thomas let out a sigh, "I don't know why you survived. I don't know why you lived and everyone else you cared about died. I just don't know."

"You should have just left me there. You should never have found me. You should have let me die." A tear spilled down my face, "I should have died."

"Don't say that." His voice cracked, "There must be a reason you lived."

"What reason!" Raising my voice in a yell startling him.

"Tell me what reason! So that I could watch everyone I love die and then have to spend day after damn day trying to forget? To push it aside so I could try and live my life? That is not possible. I cannot live my life without feeling guilt at every laugh I take or every smile that is on my face, or the happy memories I am making while my past will not let me forget!" Howling as I clutched the photo harder.

Sobs escaped my body once more. How did I still have any tears left? I had been crying since I was eleven.

Thomas grabbed my hand and clutched it in his, "You don't need to feel guilty and you don't need to forget. Don't ever forget the people you loved and what you went through because that only makes you stronger."

"But I am so tired." Sobbing out.

"I know, I know you're tired but you have to keep fighting." A few tears fell out of his eyes, "Not for yourself but for the people who care about you. For the people that loved you. What would your parents say right now if they were here?" Thomas questioned.

_Be happy and live, not only for you but for us _

My papa's words flowed through my head.

I squeezed my eyes shut, "I do not know how to get up and pretend that everything is okay? I do not know how to go back to that."

"You don't have to be okay all the time. You're only human Madalina. You're allowed to scream and cry and be angry. You're allowed to not feel okay sometimes, and screw pretending to be happy all the time. If you're not happy then don't pretend to be happy. You don't have to put up this brave, perfect front anymore. Just be you." Thomas told me.

"How do I face them now after everyone knows about this?" Lifting up my left arm speckled in blood, "How do I keep them from seeing only numbers when they look at me?" My voice quivering.

"By holding your head up high. You tell them what you want them to know and leave it at that. You keep them from seeing only your numbers by just being yourself. Madalina, this tattoo is apart of you and you can't keep running from it. It shows what you survived, what others like you survived. If you treat it like nothing at all, soon it will be nothing at all and then no one will even notice."

I sucked in a breath, "I am scared." My eyes watered. It felt so safe here down on the floor. I did not want to leave.

Thomas squeezed my hand, "It's okay to be scared. Everybody gets scared. You stay down on this floor until you feel ready to get up, and I'll stay right here with you until you do." He gave me a small watery smile.

Nodding I grabbed his hand back and whispered, "Okay."

* * *

Paul had been counting the minutes since Thomas had entered the trailer. Counting the minutes and pacing back and forth.

He had just reached ninety-two minutes.

Counting and pacing, counting and pacing.

The trailer door opened.

He stopped his pacing. The air vanishing from his lungs.


	22. AHS Update

Hello everyone. Over the past week I got a review that read as the following: "Ok what you have as a main character is a mary sue and after a while it gets kind of boring. Everything else was great but she is really boring."

I want people's opinions. Do you believe Madalina is a "Mary Sue" character? Or does she actually have depth? Again I want honesty and the answers I receive may change my story or the way I'm writing it, or maybe just scraping it altogether if people aren't interested anymore.

-Hushhush


	23. Scars Bless You

The trailer door opened but it wasn't Madalina who stepped out. It was Thomas. Paul's heart fell.

"She was asking if Ethel and Eve could help her clean up." He explained to the group.

The two women rushed at once to the door closing it behind them.

Thomas slowly walked up to Paul, both men looked tired.

"How is she?" Paul questioned in hesitation.

Thomas gave a long pause before answering, "She isn't out of the woods yet, but she will get there. She just needs time Paul. Everything happened at once and she needs to get a grip back on her situation, her life."

"But she doesn't...you don't think she will..." Paul's voice trailed off as he lost the words. The images running through his head were not pleasant ones.

"No I don't think she will. If she had chosen the other way she would have stayed on the floor. Progress is little bits at a time. She got up off the floor, she asked for helping cleaning up. Progress." Thomas explained.

Paul nodded but his head was still filled with worry.

"She just needs time, patience and understanding." Thomas placed a hand on Paul's shoulder as the two men stared at the trailer.

* * *

The door closed as I heard the two of them. At first their movements were quick and erratic then they became silent as they surveyed the mess I had inflicted in my trailer.

There were long pauses of silence. I could not look any of them in the face. The shame of my past still weighed on my shoulders for the time being.

"Well..." Miss Ethel was the first to clear her throat, "Ani't nothing to fret about. We'll get this place fixed up in no time." I heard the door open as she shouted for someone to bring her a broom and mop.

The door closed and there was more silence.

None of us knew how to act. What to think or say. We were all lost.

"Let's get you cleaned up sugar." Eve finally spoke.

"My first aid kit is in my wardrobe on the top shelf." I spoke but my voice was not my own. It was a distant strangers.

There was movement as I heard my wardrobe open and then I heard them walking towards me.

Eve lifted my right hand and began to carefully pick the glass pieces from my palm. My eyes trailed elsewhere because I could not bare to look her in the face and see...I do not even know what I would expect to see anymore.

My vision drifted to the shattered picture frame on the other side of me. I picked it up despite the pain from my glass littered hand. My heart fell into my stomach.

A small whisper escaped from me, "I broke it."

"That's alright honey we can get you a new one." Miss Ethel soothed.

I shook my head as I gripped the frame harder, "No you do not understand, this was an antique. It was my mama's." Tears pooled in my eyes, "She and my papa gave all of our photos and whatever jewelry our family had left to a catholic friend for safe keeping until they came back."

Fat drops fell from my eyes onto the damaged picture in my hand, "Except I came back instead of them." My lip trembled as I tried to keep from breaking down into a sobbing mess again.

"Lina look at me." Miss Ethel said but I shook my head casting my eyes further down onto the floor.

A pair of strong hands gently pushed my head up until I had no choice but to look at Miss Ethel.

"The only way for you to be able to move on wit your life is by lettin' all this guilt go. Now I didn't know your folks, but I'm sure they must have been the best of people to raise a daughter like you. They wouldn't want you to keep actin' like this, with your life stuck in one place forever." Miss Ethel softly told me.

More tears began to fall down my face.

"If your mama was here what do you think she'd say to you? Ethel is right. Your parents wouldn't want you carrying this guilt around with you for the rest of your life." Eve gently said to me.

My mind went to another place and time.

_"Mama please you have to eat. You need to keep your strength up." Pleading with her as I pushed my bread ration closer towards her. _

_She was so pale. So sick. So emaciated. This was not even a proper weight for a child. _

_Mama tried to smile but her body was overtaken with a violent coughing fit. Rising I went to the secret corner where one of us had sacrificed our soup bowl to use it as a makeshift rain water collector. I poured water into her bowl and went back over to her. _

_"Drink mama, it will help." Lifting the bowl to her lips I was grateful she drank all that I had collected for her._

_When she was done she raised an arm and ran her sandpaper fingers through my sheared hair. She gave me the warmest smile._

_In the back of our minds we did not want to discuss what we already knew. _

_She was dying. My mama was dying and there was nothing either of us could do. But I suppose not talking about it was better than actually facing it._

_"Madalina you need to be strong. That is what will keep you alive." Even though the rest of her was completely different her voice still had the same warm feeling it always had. It reminded me of hot cocoa and sitting in front our of fireplace with my papa and his books. _

_"Mama please do not-" I tried but she continued talking. _

_"No my numylėtinis. I need to say this to you. The strongest will survive and despite whatever scars you acquire, trust me they will bless you. You will survive this my love. The only thing you need to figure out is if you want to survive once this is all over." My mama spoke with such seriousness it made me nauseous. _

_Could I be able to survive without her? Without papa if he did not make it? Without my family? How would I do it, to live my life without any of them?_

_I did not now how to respond. So instead I wiped the tears from my eyes and laid down next to her, wrapping my arms against her frail form to try in a vain attempt to keep her warm. _

_The following morning I woke up next to the icy cold body that used to be my mama. _

Time accelerated and I was back in my trailer with Miss Ethel and Eve staring at me as I desperately tried not to break down in sobs.

My voice cracked, "She would tell me that the strongest survive in life and despite whatever scars one may get, that they will bless you in life."

Eve stroked my hair, "Your mama sounds like a smart woman."

"Listen to me Lina, your mama's right." Miss Ethel spoke, "The scars we get in our lives remind us of our past. All of the bad and terrible shit that has happened to us, but let me tell you somethin'. Your past don't tell you where your goin'. Your scars remind you what happened to you, but they shouldn't tell you where your goin' or where you'll end up."

The sobs finally escaped from my body. God she was right. I wanted her to be right. I wanted to believe I could do this.

Eve wrapped her arms around me and let me cry.

"And you're not alone sweetie. You have a family right here. You have a man that loves you to the moon and back. Why I bet if you asked Paul to pluck the moon from the sky just so you could have it, he'd do it in a heartbeat." Eve smiled and a microscopic giggle escaped my lips.

"Paul is very sweet like that." Whispering in a blush.

"Damn straight he is and I've known Paul a long time. Ani't never seem him as happy as he is right now whenever he is with you." Miss Ethel told me in complete seriousness.

My heart stirred in my chest thinking what Paul must be going through right now. I put him through so much already.

But my mind quickly turned from thinking about Paul to something else.

"How will I face everyone? How will I tell them?" Earnestly asking the both of them.

"Listen here. You don't go to tell us nothing okay? These are your memories and your experiences and if you don't wanna talk about it then you don't have to. And anyone that bothers you or keeps pressing you into talking, well you just send them on over to us." Miss Ethel promised.

"No one thinks any different about you Lina. You went through something so horrific none of us can understand, but we care about you and all that matters is that you are safe and okay." Eve said.

Biting my lip I slowly nodded letting the matter drop.

"Let's clean you up." Miss Ethel said as she reached for some cleaning alcohol.

* * *

Almost an hour later I was cleaned, bathed and bandaged. My injuries were not that bad, they could have been worst.

"I think you should stay with someone else tonight hun. It's going to take awhile for us to clean this up and you need to rest. We could wait until the morning but I don't like the idea of you being in this mess." Eve approached the idea.

There was only one person I wanted to be with.

"Do you think Paul would be alright if I stayed with him?" Softly asking to them.

Miss Ethel snorted, "Oh I think he'll hate the idea." She laughed in sarcasm and I tried to give her a good smile. She stepped outside and quickly returned with a large smile, "That man couldn't have said yes faster."

That helped my smile.

They both helped me gather my nightgown and some clothes to place in my bag.

Eve was about to open the door when a panic gripped me.

"Wait!" Stopping them. I tried to slow my mind and my breathing.

"I...I do not want to see all of them yet. I mean it has been incredibly kind for everyone to care and worry about me, but...but I cannot face everyone at once." Gulping the fear in my voice.

"Say no more sweetie just give me a minute." Eve smiled and stepped out of the trailer.

"Was..." I paused trying to think of the right words, "Was that a selfish thing for me to ask?"

Miss Ethel placed a hand on my shoulder and gave me a gentle squeeze, "No darlin'."

A few seconds later Eve reappeared, "We're all set." Holding the door open for me.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before opening them. Slowly, very slowly I made my way to the door. I let out a breath when I did not see anyone in sight.

The walk to Paul's trailer was not normally a long one, but on this particular occasion it felt like a lifetime.

Eve opened the door for me and I swallowed my unnecessary fear. Paul would never do anything to hurt me.

The caravan was empty. Turning around I about to ask them questions but Miss Ethel answered before I could even get out a word.

"Paul wanted to give you some space and let you get settled. He said that you should take the bed. No arguing."

I huffed out in frustration but the look on Miss Ethel's face told me I would not win this fight.

"We'll let you rest. Now anything, anything at all you need you have Paul come get us." Eve tucked some hair behind my ear.

They both gave me one last smile before leaving me alone.

Sitting down on the bed the days events caught up to me and all at once exhaustion flooded my body. I was physically and emotionally drained of almost everything. Quickly I peeled off my dirty clothes and stepped into my nightgown and cardigan. There was hesitation in me when I faced the bed feeling rude to just climb under the covers because it was not mine.

But I knew I would never hear the end of it if I fell asleep in Paul's chair so I pulled back the covers.

Nestling myself under the covers I felt safe for the first time that day. His scent was wrapped in everything, immediately soothing me.

Soon my eyelids started to drift shut as I let Paul's scent lull me to asleep.


End file.
